Wanted! New Friends: Surviving Loneliness After Cancer
Paris Song
?? Top LinkedIn Voice | 5M+ Impressions Monthly | ?? Unconventional Thought Leader | Ex-Tech Founder | Author of "Modern Dealership" | Cancer Survivor
I was enjoying lunch with a friend when she suddenly clutched my hand and said, “I’m so glad you’re okay. Now, we can go back to normal.”
Fighting cancer is a journey that many traverses, each with a unique story to tell. My tale is one of survival, of resilience, but also of transformation. And, amid the scars, both seen and unseen, I find myself in an unexpected place, whispering to the universe, “Wanted: New Friends."
Cancer changes you, not merely on a physical level but deep within your core. It carves its mark not only on your body but on your soul. Surviving cancer is a triumph, a victory to be celebrated. Yet, as the chemo cocktails fade into memory, as the scars slowly heal, another transformation unfolds—one that often goes unspoken.
In the embrace of friends, those who stood by my side through the darkest hours, I should feel complete. But there's a part of me they cannot touch, a realm they cannot enter. It's a place filled with the whispers of fear, the echoes of pain, and the profound realization of life's fragility.
The truth is, I've changed. I've emerged from the battlefield of cancer as a warrior, battle-hardened and weathered, with wisdom etched into my very being. I view life through a different lens now. I've tasted mortality, and it has left an indelible mark. The trivialities of life that once consumed my thoughts have now been replaced by a deeper appreciation for every sunrise, every laugh, every mundane moment that sparkles with life's magic.
It's not that my friends don't care. They do, and their support has been my lifeline. But it's as if I've landed on a distant shore, and while they're still on the familiar coastline, we're speaking different dialects. They worry about mundane matters—deadlines, dinner plans, and daily dramas—while I grapple with the weight of existential questions, the fragility of life, and the overwhelming urge to hug every sick person.
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And so, the isolation creeps in, not out of their insensitivity but out of the chasm that cancer has carved. I yearn for friends who understand that my laughter now carries the echo of tears once shed. I seek companions who can see beyond the smile I wear as armor into the vulnerabilities that linger beneath.
Here's the paradox—I don't want to go back to the 'normal' before cancer. I can't. Cancer has irrevocably altered my trajectory. It has stripped away the veneer of invincibility, replacing it with a profound vulnerability that is as much a part of me as my beating heart.
So, I stand at this crossroads, yearning for connection, for friends who understand the duality of my existence. I'm not just a survivor; I'm a thriver. I don't want pity; I want camaraderie. I don't want to be defined by my illness; I want to be celebrated for my resilience.
As I pen these words, I send a silent message to the cosmos: “Wanted: New Friends." Friends who understand that survival is just the beginning, that beneath the scars, a heart beats with renewed purpose. Friends who recognize that in this dance of life, we've donned new shoes, and the rhythm has changed.
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Motivational Speaker | TEDx Speaker| Cancer Awareness Advocate | Sr. Leadership Advisor at IMPETAS Defense Solutions | Entrepreneur
1 年You authored a beautiful essay that accurately describes what it is like to have one’s life invaded by cancer. And it is great that non-cancer people understand and express empathy. Well done. ? I’m still battling primary plasma cell leukemia but hope my CAR T-Cell therapy makes me cancer-free. I know that will be a medical miracle, but believe it’s possible—I made it this far. ? Not bad, considering that between 1975 and 2009, the overall mortality rate for primary plasma cell leukemia was 96.13%, the median survival was 9 months, and it caused 45.05% of the deaths. Years later, a 2022 study reported that life expectancy was 4.8 to 24 months after diagnosis. Another survey predicted overall survival rates of 34% after 1 year, 20% after 2 years, and 9% after 4 years. ? I’m in my fifth year. Thank God ? I will continue to be positive and plan to write a book about what will be a medical miracle that inspires our fellow cancer patients. It will be similar to my TEDx talk, Surviving Primary Plasma Cell Leukemia (https://youtu.be/pvFGTu-AasU?si=KZ73eP_q4f_8OAJY)
Cancer Coach & Dietitian: Your Partner in Recovery & Recurrence Prevention
1 年Yes, it’s OK not to want to be the same after a cancer diagnosis. Nothing will ever be the same. But that can be a GOOD thing! Embracing the growth, lessons, and empowerment that a cancer diagnosis brings can help create a new and better future.
Seasoned HR Professional| Cancer Survivorship Advocate| WDAI| BSBAHR WGU
1 年Beautiful, moving post. I will be your friend after cancer. I'm an eleven year breast cancer survivor ??
Nutritionist, Weight loss & Health coach - empowering busy professionals and business owners with chronic pain to ditch the diet, lose weight forever, get healthier, more confident and just get it done.
1 年I’ll be your friend! As a former cancer patient I think I understand how you feel. Trajectory definitely. Life expectations-after being made infertile but also tremendous positives of being brave enough to start my own business helping others. Can’t wait to get to know you better, Paris ??
Training and Communication Consultant @ Hospitals and Healthcare
1 年I have never read anything so beautiful! No, I have not been through that grind but I have seen and stood by very dear and near ones, helpless, at the time of their departure. I tried to read what was written in their eyes. That was personal but as a negligible of the Healthcare Universe, I am equally helpless when I visit any such person. I want to runaway like a coward but something holds me down to the anchor!