Imbecile No. 1 (Al Burhan) and Imbecile No. 2 (Hemeti) - an eternal love story

In my last article, I dubbed Al Burhan Imbecile No. 1 and Hemeti Imbecile No. 2. Let’s be frank. Was I being disrespectful? Maybe. Do I care. Absolutely not. Is this dangerous. Probably. I’m simply stating what’s on everyone’s minds at the moment and are too afraid to speak it out into the universe. Before moving on — can we all just agree that there’s numerous imbeciles out there today (we can even rank them if you like). However, Imbecile No. 1 and Imbecile No. 2 definitely rank in the top 5. They certainly take the cake, gurassa, taamia, aseeda, ful, with marubba (jam) on top (please feel free to insert favorite Sudani dish here). If there was an award for Imbecile of the year these two would tie for first place. Ok, I think that’s enough of the Imbecile jokes, let’s get into today’s topic.?

I dubbed them as Imbeciles (yes with a capital “I”) in the hopes that people would understand the absurdity of the war in Sudan and that we, as Sudanese people, fell victim to their charade. Da kan soumbok KA-BIRRR! We got soumbok’d* people (we got played*, I’m not even sure if that’s a word but let’s just say it is).? And I dare say it — naive as hell. When I think back to the days and months leading up to the Revolution we missed some vital clues as to how each Imbecile was going to take advantage and pull rank and power. I recall Omer Al Bashir addressing the nation several weeks prior to people pouring out into the streets leading up to April 2019. He said something along the lines of — that the cost of bread and fuel needs to go up because it was necessary to boost our economy and the World Bank was insisting on it if we were to get any funding. He then continued on to say that we need to be careful of foreign entities interfering in Sudan’s affairs because they would take advantage of the situation. At the time, we didn’t really give a damn what was coming out of Bashir’s mouth because we were fed-up and too invested in figuring out how to get this man removed. This was the first soumbok. The second clue, came when we stepped out into the streets and wouldn’t leave, eventually “causing” Bashir to step down. We celebrated for days patting ourselves on the back thinking “we got this.” That was soumbok number two. When Bashir bounced some other military dude filled in (Awad Ibn Auf - defense minister and Vice President). Homeboy Awad (dude looks like he a swallowed a canary - don’t believe me just Google him) didn’t last too long (just a few days) and then put up 2 fingers saying “duces” and stepped down making way for Imbecile No.1. That was soumbok number three.?

Enter Imbecile No. 2, now, let me just preface this by saying I CAN’T STAND either Imbecile, but when it comes to Imbecile No.2 I respect the hustle. He’s an uneducated-extremely wealthy-fairly young-high ranking military junta that saw an opportunity and took it. His CV consists of two positions and two positions only - Entrepreneurial Donkey Salesman and B* for Hire. He was so determined to make an impression on us that he took the time to hire a tutor to take English lessons so he could sound sophisticated. I’m sure that his tutor got paid well and was never heard from again. Imbecile No.2 utilized his experience, vast knowledge, and collection of intelligence to which he used as leverage to sit at the big boys table. As Imbecile No. 1 and Imbecile No.2 were working hard to convince the public they were on our side, the June 3rd massacre happened. At this point, the public had a very clear understanding that neither Imbecile was on our side. They eventually came to talks about ensuring that they were working towards democracy and Hamdok would be taking the lead. It was agreed that a transitional government would be formed where Imbecile No. 1 and Imbecile No.2 would lead for the first eighteen months and then hand over power to civilian rule. That was soumbok number four. During this time Imbecile No.2 hired a PR agency for a whopping $30 mill to fix his image (Imbecile No. 2 if you're reading this, I hope you got your money's worth. Hopefully those English lessons were long enough to teach you how to read). The purpose of this PR genius was intended to get the Sudanese people to embrace him, hold him tight, and dream of nothing but him, so we could say that donkey man really does have our best interest at cart (lol get it), we just needed time so we could fall in love with him. But time was ticking where both would need to step aside. Over night we were soumbok’d again — October 25th happened. Bye-bye Hamdok, and say hello to our two handholding lovebirds. We kept protesting thinking this might be salvageable but then April 7th 2023 happened. Imbecile No. 1 and Imbecile No.2 got into a massive fight and broke up. When I say, this was a bad breakup, it was the breakup of the century. These two broke up so badly that each started accusing the other they were cheated on. Each would then come on to media networks cussing the other out and when I say they went below the belt, they REALLY went below the belt. This devastating breakup led the country into complete carnage. If they couldn’t have the people’s love, then no one could. One soumbok after another became what you see today — killing, ethnic cleansing, pillaging, rape, mass graves, no hospitals, roads, schools, universities, businesses, and the list goes on and on. And there you have it.