Image Is the Illusion of Control

What image are you projecting? I don't know about you, but I get exhausted being "on" even when things are going smoothly behind the scenes. After my first depression, I started to call it "putting on the show." I don't want to put on the show anymore. My life feels best when I'm authentic. And sometimes that means I'm not positive or smiling or full of great things. It means I'm quiet, resting, learning. Or crying, raging, simply sad. Some days all I want to do is watch Disney movies because I need to feel lighter and remember the joy and wonder that Little Jackie once felt. But 98 percent of the time, I want to be able to feel the depth of my emotions.

?"The image is one thing and the human being is another. It's very hard to live up to an image, put it that way." - Elvis Presley

When you focus on your image, you lose a sense of self. It can tear you apart in a slow, methodical way that you don't notice until a crisis hits. Then all of a sudden, you find yourself searching for what is true. Putting on the show means you doubt yourself when things aren't picture perfect because you thought you did such a great job controlling it all. It takes time, vulnerability, and sometimes everything falling apart to realize that control is an illusion.

Projecting the best narrative of our lives is not new. We often blame social media, but that just gives us more of what was already existing. Think of your childhood. Did you receive messages like…?

• "This is a family matter. It's no one else's business."
• "Do not embarrass the family."
• "Blood is thicker than water."

When you stepped outside of your home, what was the family image that was projected to the world? Looking back, does that image hold up as truth?

I'm a stepparent and it's a messy, complicated role. I'm the youngest of three daughters, all who have been disowned by their parents. I'm an entrepreneur who has navigated many changes in her business since it's inception, including conceptual ones. I'm a wife madly in love with her husband who realized after 10 years that he's not perfect… nor should he be. I'm a friend in a huge group of girls that can feel disconnected from some people she's been close to for almost 20 years, which is immensely painful. Yet then find new closeness with others in that same group in a beautiful, unexpected way. I'm a professional who spent her career in sales and marketing that decided in her 40s that those aren't going to be services she offers; that there's a different purpose calling her.

"I have no fear of making changes, destroying the image, etc., because the painting has a life of it's own." - Jackson Pollock

Life is messy and complicated. Admitting that, owning it, and having the courage to look within is when that mess becomes empowering. Letting go of perfection and being willing to create powerful change is what leaders do. One of my favorite sayings that I'll paraphrase is: Monsters live in the dark. When you bring them to the light, they lose their power.

That saying has gotten me through three dances with depression, more abuse than one person should experience in 1,000 lifetimes, and inspired me to create my group coaching program, Quiet the Self-Doubt Monster. Our picture perfect image is feeding that monster.

If you want to turn down the volume and amp up your self-love and self-acceptance, join me on this journey. My question for you to ponder is this: Will you be brave enough to admit your life isn’t perfect?