I'm Not Your Favorite Author...Yet.

This week's edition is a 5 minute read. LinkedIn's 7 minute estimation includes all of the graphics.

IMAGINE THIS?

You and your two best friends are laying out by the pool and catching up on a hot Summer Day.?

Although expected (and always dreaded), they start talking about one of their shared hobbies – working out at the gym.?

The moment the words ‘La Fitness’ reach your ears, you sigh, lower your sunglasses from the top of your head, lean back in your chair, and close your eyes. A not-so-subtle way of saying, “I’m out”. ???

Your friends continue to talk about their latest workout obsession while glancing over at you to try to make eye contact and invite you into the conversation.?

You’re obviously uninterested but they’re your best friends and would never want you to feel left out, so they hit you with a “Hey [insert your awesome name here], why don’t you come workout with us later? We’re going to the gym together after this and can show you around! It’ll be so fun!”.?

Here it comes. – You think to yourself before pushing your sunglasses to the bridge of your nose, cocking your head to the side, and raising your eyebrows to say, “Are you serious? Do you know me?”.?

Their confused faces signal that they’re waiting for you to explain yourself, so you give them your go-to sentence that avoids giving your actual, vulnerable answer:?

“I don’t work out.”?

Your tone is firm, so they change the subject immediately to lighten the mood.?

On your drive home, after your friends have already left for the gym, you begin to ruminate on this conversation.?

A loud voice inside your head demands that you confront the uneasiness you feel surrounding the one-line response you gave them.?

If you’re honest with yourself, you know that there’s more to the story than what you were leading on.?

What Lies Beneath?

The truth is that, secretly, you’ve been wanting to go to the gym for months .?

You want to experience the benefits of working out and taking care of your health.?

You want to learn from your best friends’ experiences.?

Although you may seem disengaged on the surface when they mention the gym, you actually listen attentively, trying to absorb as much information as possible to prepare you for the day when you finally decide to take the leap.?

Nevertheless, for years you've convinced yourself and those around you that working out ‘just isn’t for you’, when in reality, you were protecting yourself from the vulnerable emotion of fear that cripples you at the idea of working out in front of other people, let alone your friends.?

This story that you’ve created for yourself is now a part of your identity, and to go against it would be incredibly uncomfortable.?

The easier route is to keep feeding yourself an old story that no longer serves you because it doesn’t require you to swallow your pride, change your mind, and face your fear.?

So, you push it off.?

You persist in using the same excuse of 'I don't work out.’ that everyone now expects to hear from you, and you spend a lifetime silently wishing that you never put yourself in a box that somewhere along the way, you outgrew.?

Identity Crisis?

It may seem like it, but this post is NOT an advertisement for physical exercise (although I could go on and on about the positive effects…but I digress).?

It’s a PSA on the stories that we tell ourselves.?

For the longest time, one of my stories was similar to what was described in the story above.?

I grew up in a family of athletes. Both of my siblings were highly involved in just about every sport possible to join.?

I, on the other hand, leaned into music and the arts. I never really took competitiveness seriously and also avoided sweating/feeling out of breath at ALL COSTS, so naturally I wasn’t upset when my choirs or musicals meant that I couldn’t participate in a sport season.?

I took a leap in the 6th grade and signed up for a community basketball team where we would practice together and then split off and play against one another.?

It was pretty standard that each of us would get to play two quarters a game to make playing time even across the entire team.?

One game, I finished my two quarters and basically kicked my feet up on the bench to relax the rest of the time. Until my coach looked at me and put me in…AGAIN.?

I looked at my parents in the stands with a face of pure horror and jumped back in the game.?

On a time out, I ran up to them, cried, and said “But I already did my time!!!”.?

I’m telling you this embarrassing story to really drive my point home that my identity was music and anti- any physical activity. I knew it. Everyone knew it. And I was okay with that.?

Until I outgrew that box.?

Real Talk?

Flash forward to now, 10+ years later, and I’ll tell you that not only is physical exercise a necessity in my life, but I’m now a personal trainer with hopes of helping others find their confidence in the gym.?

But I’m not sharing this because it’s a success story of mine. In fact, it’s the opposite.?

Because even though I have come this far on my own journey of discovering a new passion that felt so foreign to me, I still struggle to identify myself as an athletic person. ?? Even there, I originally typed “athlete” instead of “athletic person” and deleted it because it didn’t feel right.?

We all have our own stories that keep us from growing closer to who we aspire to be.?

What’s yours??

Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset?

The beautiful part of life is that we are the authors of our own story, which means that we get to choose who we want to become and bring them into reality.?

"When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending." - Brené Brown

However, the challenge lies in shifting our mindset that was shaped during our adolescent years, when we had to look to our guardians or mentors in our lives to learn, adapt, and survive.?

I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t learn from others’ experiences, but what I am suggesting is that maybe that answer you’re looking for is actually within yourself.?

Maybe every day you make small, seemingly insignificant choices that bring you that much closer to who you WANT to be, not who you think you will become.?

There’s a difference.?

‘The person you believe you will become’ indicates a fixed mindset. It infers that you were born with the only tools and qualities that you’ll ever have in life. It’s reactive and makes dreaming feel silly if it’s even remotely outside of what you expect of yourself.?

The other, “who you want to be”, focuses on growth. It means that while you’re not there yet, you have the power to get there.?

It may be a small change, but as soon as we make this intentional shift, we begin to become more aware of the opportunities that align with where we’re heading and are therefore more likely to take them. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy working FOR you.?

My Challenge to You???

Start by getting clear on who you want your future self to be. You’ll hear me say this a lot because without an end goal in mind, we’ll fall into the auto-pilot trap that I wrote about last week.?

Don't limit yourself when envisioning your future. This isn’t a SMART goal, it’s your life.?

Break free from self-imposed limitations, and when the tiny voice in your head says “that won’t happen for me” challenge it with a “Why not? Why not me?”?

Once you have your future self in mind, become conscious of the narratives you tell yourself that no longer align with who you’re becoming.?

One effective technique I've discovered is pausing and reframing my thoughts.?

Instead of “I need to get better at XYZ”, try “I am working on and will eventually become better at XYZ”.?

Or, add a “yet” at the end.?“I’m not XYZ” can be changed to “I’m not XYZ yet”.?

Again, evolving into a growth mindset is key here.?

You possess incredible power within you. I hope you know that.?

I believe in you and I don’t even know you.?

It’s time for you to believe in yourself and leave the old you that’s holding you back behind.?

"Your success in life is directly proportional to your belief in yourself." - Unknown, but probably someone super smart & successful if I had to guess.

Rooting for you always,

Jules

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Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them below or reach out to Jules at [email protected]!