I’m Working on Controlling My Need for Control

Written By: Dr. Rich Houston, Director of the Culverhouse School of Accountancy

I’m blessed in that it seems as if every time I misplace my positive attitude or perspective about all that I have, someone says or does something that returns it to my lost and found department.

How can I be late to a 9 am meeting after I wake up at 3 am?

I asked students to write about how they have progressed this semester. I continue to progress with respect to delegating and relying on others to do the great jobs they do as opposed to thinking that I must control everything. Below, I present students responses that I think provide some valuable advice.

Being present. I found myself always waiting around for the “next big thing” to happen and not really enjoying the time in between. I think what it really boiled down to is that I had trouble being content with the little things that occur in my daily life. Maybe that was a byproduct of me not “trusting the process” enough and failing to just take things as they come. I have become committed to trying harder to focus on whatever is in front of me and not looking past the small moments that have the potential to create joy or contentment.

Being slow to anger, quick to listen, and having an empathetic disposition. I’ve challenged myself to develop the self-control to, in the moment, refrain from anger and choose restraint over retaliation. But it’s not only choosing restraint but also offering empathy and showing love to someone in obvious distress. Over time, I noticed a shift – not just in how others responded, but in how I felt within myself. This process taught me that true power lies not in exacting my will on others but in mastering my own emotions so that I can help someone in need. I’ve learned that I should not attribute to malice what should be attributed to pain (a twist on Hanlon’s razor).

Making and accepting change. Change is usually followed by fear – fear of the unknown, fear of failure, etc. When we fail to change, we become complacent, and it is more difficult to grow and persevere. I do not want my life to be stagnant. Rather, I plan for my life to ebb and flow by embracing change. Change gives me the opportunity to develop and become a more authentic version of myself. It is preparing me to enter a new era of life. Ready or not, here I come!

Developing a more realistic view of people. I used to look at superiors and role models as other-worldly. I have found out that they are normal people like me. They are determined, hard-working, and intelligent. This awareness helps me realize that I am capable of being that way too.

Networking. I used to think of networking as something super formal, almost like a chore. But now I realize that some of the best networking comes from just connecting with people on a personal level. My new friendships are with people who share similar goals and ambitions, and it’s great to feel like we’re all in it together. I’m getting to know classmates and people in the program as friends first, and the professional connections come naturally from that.

Friendships. I’ve realized that some of the friendships or relationships I was in throughout college were not reflective of the person I wanted to be. I’ve benefited greatly from finding respectful and non-judgmental friendships. It helps that we all have things in common, such as what we do every day and our short-term goals.

Focusing on the positives within the negatives. It is easy to get wrapped up in your own shortcomings and become overly discouraged. I tend to go through life with the assumption that everything is going to go wrong and that everyone has something against me because I am a terrible person. I have made a lot of mistakes, even this semester, but something that has changed is my mindset. I might mess up, but that does not make me a broken, irredeemable person.

Making small changes to set yourself up for daily success. I have developed habits including working ahead on assignments, setting out my outfits the night before, making my bed, keeping my room tidy, and preparing healthy meals. All these acts reflect ways of taking better care of myself. I want my future self to thank me, with the future defined as anywhere between 45 minutes from now or years down the road. Having a written plan has helped me ensure that I complete everything.

Not letting stress and anxiety dictate emotions and overall well-being. I used to feel consumed by the constant pressure to perform and meet deadlines, and I often left tasks until the last minute, which only intensified my stress. This cycle affected my mood and productivity, leaving me anxious and overwhelmed. Recognizing the toll this was taking, I decided to make a consistent effort to break this habit by incorporating small, manageable actions into my daily routine. By addressing my tasks one step at a time, I’ve noticed a gradual but impactful reduction in stress, which helps me feel more in control of my life and emotions.

Recognizing the importance of letting go of perfection. I often focused excessively on achieving top grades in every subject, thinking that this equated to success. However, I've learned that college isn’t about acing every single test but instead about gaining a meaningful understanding of the subjects I’m studying, even if that means accepting setbacks along the way. Balancing this with my desire to perform well has been challenging, especially in courses where I feel out of my depth. But I’m learning that success sometimes means persevering through discomfort, finding alternative ways to learn, and accepting that not every struggle will end in an “A,” either literally or figuratively.