I'm struggling with low self-esteem. (My plan on overcoming it.)

A few days ago I came across an article 9 signs you have low self-esteem and something clicked.

I realized that I have been struggling with self-esteem issues since high school.

When I'm among a group of friends I become very self-conscious. I am an over-thinker and so I'm always in this internal battle that 'should I say this or not?'. Therefore most of the time I choose not to speak.

In high school, I stopped being a leader. I became comfortable to follow others and copy what others were doing, saying, and going. This has lead to have a very average personality.

As I was sitting for placement drives in college, I would never prepare for big companies. I always felt like I don't deserve to be in such a big company. Due to this behavior, I settled down on a low paying job. I celebrate my mediocrity. I have convinced my subconscious mind that I will always live an average life and nothing will change.

I struggle at making choices. I want to satisfy my parents, friends, and most importantly society. I have made bad decisions in the past and regret them to this day.

I indulge in a lot of negative self-talk.

I am beginning to ask myself why I have low self-esteem? After a lot of soul searching I found two reasons that might cause my low self-esteem.

1.Bad academic performance- In school, I didn't have good grades but I always hung around toppers and nerds. When they discussed papers and marks I would feel extremely ashamed of myself and would constantly hate myself for not performing well in school.

2. Personality-I think some people just have a negative mindset. Ever since I was a kid I always had negative thoughts and extremely negative opinions about everything. I used to compare myself with others all the time.

I want to change this situation, as low self-esteem means a low quality of life.

This is how I'm planning to do it and you could try it out as well.

1. I read in an article that small movements such as yoga and home workouts can boost serotonin levels in the brain. So I plan to exercise every day. I even got myself a physical trainer and a yoga instructor to help me out with it. Exercising is painful but it gives me a sense of accomplishment after I complete each session.
2. I need to be extremely mindful of my thoughts. I usually catch myself saying phrases like " I'm not clever enough to do that " or "I have no friends.". Whenever I have thoughts like these I must practice to think contradicting thoughts and look for evidence in my life that will nullify these statements. I plan to write down all the negative statements and evidence that these statements are false. I will keep looking back at it that my negative self-beliefs are false.
3. Make a list of all my positive qualities. I plan to ask all my friends and family to list out good qualities about me. whenever I start to feel low, I intend to look back at this list.
4. From now on I will not be criticizing myself in front of others. I don't want people to get negative vibes from me.
5. Every night before I go to sleep I make a note of my good deeds I did that day.
6. In 2021 I have decided to constantly challenge myself. I aspire to take up more creative projects this year, so I'm really excited about it.

7. This last point is what I intend to concentrate the most on.

Thank you for reading my blog and being part of my journey.

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