i'm starting a new chapter (again)

okay, it's really weird writing this - i feel like over the last 20 months i have made a similar announcement so many times (that i have now lost count of).

but let me give you back story.

you see my whole life, i have always felt like i have been running from one thing to another.

i capture this pattern well on my actual leaders of today newsletter (make sure you've subscribed if you haven't already)

This has been a consistent pattern my whole life. I started my nonprofit because I had a school requirement. I scaled and grew it because I knew it would get me a full ride scholarship. I grew a personal brand because it looked great externally. I tried out so many different things at university because that’s what everyone else was doing. 2 weeks ago, I decided to stop this pattern. I am tired of constantly running after the next thing, and doing things because they look great externally vs because I actually enjoy doing them.

as i capture above, my entire life i have always been reactive vs proactive.

i would do things (and force myself) to like it because that was what i need at the time and that is what would give me validation from people around me at the time.

but now as i write this, i realize maybe i am being too hard on myself and maybe the last 20 or so months have been a subconscious strategic effort to figure out what i want to do with my life.

october 2022: i acknowledge i was burn out from for the menstruator (my first nonprofit that i built since i was 15) and decide to officially take a step back and let go

november 2022: realize i love podcasts and want to have conversations with cool young people to share stories i wish my younger self heard. i invest all my savings at the time ($5000), hire a production team and film 16 episodes of season 1

january 2023: launch podcast, get amazing feedback, meet really cool people and grow personal brand

april 2023: after 4 months of consistently posting and 16 episodes, i realize podcasting is really hard and it will take 2-3 years of consistent posting to monetize and see good numbers. since i dont have any more money i realize maybe this was a one-time passion project and a learning opportunity (rip all my savings)

may 2023: got into next canada (startup incubator), found a cofounder, move to toronto for the summer and starting building a fintech loyalty platform

june 2023: cofounder quit, get connected to someone that already has existing platform, make spontaneous decision to join him as a cofounder to help him go to market.

aug 2023: go on 1 month volunteer trip to kenya whilst i am building this startup - bc this is something i already committed to before and i will get to go home for the first time in 3 years

(oh and whilst I was doing all of this i was working part-time to pay my bills for the summer)

sep 2023: go back to school to finish my last year of uni whilst i build this startup

nov 2023: decide to start my own newsletter , i promote on linkedin and posts going viral

dec 2023: things were not working out with co-founder, decide to quit startup and go all in on newsletter

jan-apr 2024: hit 100k on newsletter, start consulting side of business (onboard 3 clients), hit 10k in revenue from biz (my first $$), hire first team member, host a bunch of events

may 2024: hire brother as co-founder to help grow biz, we started living together for the summer

june 2024: feel overwhelmed by dynamics with brother (family, roomate, co-founder) and decide to take a step back

july-aug 2024: go on 6 week speaking tour to east africa (something i had committed to at start of year)

so what now?

going on the speaking tour made me realize that my goal has always been to empower the next generation of young people and that i love public speaking.

i've been doing speaking for years with all my previous work but never saw it as an actual career path. on the trip, my friend sam shared his experiences with me (his been doing it for 7 years) and showed me the path of actually getting started)

and so yea - now i am gonna pursue public speaking full time as my main thing. in fact, i did my first paid gig a couple weeks ago.

whilst i do this, i will continue with one consulting contract of 15 hours/week to i can pay my bills until i get to a point where i have consistent gigs.

the last 20 months have taught me alot. here are my takeaways:

1) taking a step back is one of the most powerful and liberating things you can do for yourself. when i took my first step back from for the menstruator, i thought i lost it all. this was my identity for 5 years and even until today people still know me for that work. but doing this allowed me to prioritize my well being and give me the chance to explore what i really want to do. don't be afraid of making those big decisions (especially in your 20's)

2) the best way to figure out what you wanna do is be trying everything. in the last 20 months, i literally tried everything - doing a job, starting a tech startup, consulting, events, podcasts, newsletter, etc. the way i look at it was a series of 6-18 week experiments where i had a hypothesis about something, and then did everything in my power to see if it was validated. trying out everything not only allowed me to explore all these different paths but also allowed me to grow holistically and gave me a bunch of new skills and connections in my toolbox.

3) people care way less than you think. when making bold decisions over the last couple months - i kept asking, what are people gonna think? alot of times that questions forced me to delay my decision and stay longer in what i was doing. but what i realize is, no one really gives a shit. they may care and judge you and ask a bunch of questions for like 30s and then move on with their life. bc everyone honestly is trying to figure it out and is just looking out for themselves.

anyways, if you got to this point (i doubt anyone will)- i hope there is something you took away from this. i hope to use this newsletter to share my thought process and behind the scenes as i continue to figure out what i am doing.

wish you all the best in your journey, my friend :)

with love,

z