I'm Speaking: 3 Ways Women Can Ditch the Doubt and Present with Power and Presence

As women, we face a unique challenge when it comes to public speaking: the double bind of being expected to project both authority and warmth, confidence and relatability. It's an unfair and often unconscious bias, but one that can leave us feeling like we're constantly walking a tightrope between being "too much" and "not enough."

Sheryl Sandberg summed it up perfectly: "We expect men to be assertive, look out for themselves, and lobby for more—so there's little downside when they do it. But women must be communal and collaborative, nurturing and giving, focused on the team and not themselves, lest they be viewed as self-absorbed. And the benefits we reap when we do speak up aren't always commensurate with the risks we take."

?But here's the good news: with the right mindset and tools, you can ditch the self-doubt, own your unique strengths, and authentically connect with any audience. Here are three strategies to help you do just that:

1. Visualize your success.

As simple as it sounds, mentally rehearsing a successful presentation can work wonders for your confidence and performance. Athletes and performers use visualization techniques all the time to reduce anxiety, increase focus, and prime their minds and bodies for peak states.

Research has shown that mental practice can enhance performance across a range of domains, from sports to surgery to public speaking (Schuster et al., 2011). Visualization activates the same brain regions as actual performance, creating neural pathways that make the real thing feel more familiar and achievable.

Take a few minutes before your presentation to close your eyes and vividly imagine yourself delivering your talk with poise, clarity, and conviction. See the audience leaning in, nodding along, and bursting into applause. Feel the satisfaction and pride of knowing you nailed it. The more detailed and sensory-rich your visualization, the more powerful the effect.

2. Focus on your purpose, not perfection.

One of the biggest traps female speakers fall into is the pursuit of perfection. That’s not to say men don’t struggle with this, but women have a, shall I say, “special relationship” with perfection. We put incredible pressure on ourselves to deliver a flawless performance, to have all the answers, to be unassailable in our expertise. But chasing perfection is a surefire recipe for anxiety, burnout, and never feeling "ready" enough.

Studies have shown that perfectionism is linked to higher levels of anxiety, depression, and burnout. Ironically, the pursuit of perfection often leads to procrastination, paralysis, and poorer performance. What a vicious cycle!

Instead, try shifting your focus to your purpose: the reason you're speaking in the first place, the impact you want to have on your audience, the change you want to inspire in the world – or even just on your team. When I present, I think about my audience’s experience rather than my own. Are they getting what they came for? Are their needs being addressed? Are they feeling engaged? Are they being helped? Will this help them help others? When you connect to a sense of meaning and mission beyond yourself, the inevitable imperfections and stumbles along the way matter far less. As the saying goes, "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good."

3. Embrace your unique perspective and voice.

As women, it can be tempting to try to fit into a mold of what we think a "good" speaker looks and sounds like - often based on male-dominated models and expectations. But the truth is, your unique voice, perspective, and experiences are your greatest assets on stage.

Research has shown that diversity of thought and experience leads to greater creativity, innovation, and problem-solving in teams and organizations. The same is true for speakers - audiences are hungry for fresh perspectives and authentic stories that they can't hear anywhere else.

Embrace what makes you different, even if it feels vulnerable or unconventional. Share the stories and insights that only you can offer. I can't tell you how often I've heard the advice not to talk about my kids because that makes me seem like a "mommy" at work. And do you know what my audiences give me the most positive feedback on? How the stories about my kids make my leadership lessons more memorable.

Trust that your authentic self is more than enough to connect with and inspire your audience. When you speak from a place of truth and conviction, you'll find that your natural confidence and charisma shine through.

Remember: mastering your mindset as a speaker is an ongoing practice, not a one-time achievement. Be patient with yourself as you work to rewire old patterns and beliefs. Celebrate the small victories and bold leaps along the way. And know that every time you choose to speak up and speak out, you're paving the way for other women to do the same. Your voice matters - and the world is ready to hear it.

For more, check out my courses for women leaders: https://deborahgraysonriegel.com/womens-leadership-programs/