"I'm sorry little one... I've failed you..."

As a to-be mother, you meant the world to me. I promised myself that I will make sure you open eyes in a world that is safe for you, a world filled with love, a world where you can smile every day. I promised myself that I will take care of you and keep you safe from all worldly evil. But, I'm sorry little one, I've failed you.

I know you were hungry, so was I. That uncle from down the street has always been helpful. I thought he would help us this time too. But I don't know why he was behaving differently today. Just last week, someone who looked exactly like him, came and touched my feet. I don't know why he did that, but he gave me fruits to eat, took some pictures with me and left. I thought everybody who looked like him was the same. I thought that even if I'm not around to keep you safe tomorrow, they would take care of you. I thought that if I ever left your side, the world around will never let you miss me. But, I'm sorry little one, I've failed you.

You know little one, when hunger strikes, you do not think straight. You just want to eat whatever you get. And especially when you have two tummies to fill, you eat anything that can keep you alive. With you inside me, I cannot walk for kilometres to get food that nature would otherwise provide for me. So I had to rely on the uncle down the street. I guess I shouldn't have. But I thought that uncle was good. He would help me fill your tummy. Little one, I thought I would raise you strong and healthy. I thought one-day people would come and touch your feet as well, play with you, take pictures with you and adore you as I do. But, I'm sorry little one, I've failed you.

All I wanted was food. If that uncle wasn't okay in helping me, he could've just shooed me away. I would've gone somewhere else. I could've survived for another day without food with you in me. Like I have for the past three days. I could've walked for miles carrying you inside of me to find food to feed your little tummy. God watches over all his children and provides for their needs when the time is right. I guess we did not have any more time left. God didn't want to help us anymore. I guess he was busy helping this uncle as he needs help more than we do. But, little one, don't for one second think that you haven't been good and he doesn't love you. He loves you so much that he is eagerly waiting to meet you. And since you can't walk all the way to Him by yourself, he has asked me to come along with you. The world thinks that I'm standing here for 3 days trying to ease the burns inside me. I have enough energy to continue this fight. Bring you into this world. But little one, what if I bring you to this world and I am not around to save you from these uncles anymore? People think I am standing here for three days trying to ease the burn inside me. In reality little one, I am contemplating if you should open your eyes in this world. Does this world deserve the little innocence that is you? Maybe they didn't like me because I was nothing but nice to them. What if they don't like you as well? Little one, just the thought of what happened to me, happening to you, makes me cry. I cannot see that happen to you. Little one, I'm sorry, I've failed you. Little one, I'm sorry, I am going to fail you one last time. I promise the pain will ease. I promise you will be in a much better place than here. I promise wherever I go, I will take you along with me. I promise I will take care of you forever. It's been 3 days little one. Come let's go. May God bless this uncle for teaching us a very valuable lesson. Let's go to a place where we don't need to eat anymore.

I’m sorry little one. Mumma loves you.