I'm not a saint, but I can walk like one!

So, I’m going on a silent pilgrimage today (for five days) in the Sacred Forest with the Museum of Walking.

We’re going to walk on paths used by pilgrims on their way to Rome from Central Europe. These ancient paths were forged by saints including Saint Francis of Assisi.

Amazing, right? But when I tell people about my pilgrimage, instead of focusing on whether or not I know what walking poles are used for (stirring cappuccinos?) or if I have anything other than skinny jeans with me (no), the #1 concern friends, colleagues, and passersby have inquired about (aloud) is: “Tania, how are YOU going to be silent for 5 days?!

Thank you for your concern, alas, I learned my listening lesson years ago! A colleague of mine was trying to explain a new process to me and midway through her explanation she stopped abruptly and said, “I can’t talk to you anymore!” Obviously, I was taken aback and asked her why the heck not. She looked at me with frustration and said, “Because in between every word I say, you say, ‘Uh-huh,’ like you already know it all!”

Blech. For the first few months after her unsolicited observation I thought, She sucks! Even after I left that job and hadn’t seen her in months, every once in a while, I’d think about that moment, get a pit in my stomach, and think, She still sucks! I carried that moment with me for years.

Eventually, anger gave way to curiosity. So, I engaged in a social experiment whereby I paid close attention to how I listened when in conversation with others. Turned out, her observation was spot on. My uh-huhs weren’t just distracting and annoying, they took up all the empty space between speaking and listening—leaving no room for the information to pass through. I immediately got to work on omitting fillers and allowing for more space to listen and learn.

Artist, educator and social choreographer, Ernesto Pujol says,

"Silence is not absence of sound. Silence is absence of distraction."

So, yeah, I’m gonna walk in silence, in the absence of distractions and listen to the birds and leaves crunching under my feet, and every once in a while, I’m gonna SCREAM (in my mind): BEST EFFING LIFE EVER!

Here’s an exercise from my book Creative Trespassing that I’ve shared with thousands of people, and companies of all stripes, to inspire more listening and less distractions. WARNING: It makes people very uncomfortable, sometimes even ruffled, and almost everyone says something like, “This was so hard! I found myself waiting for the other person to stop talking so I could talk. I wasn’t listening at all! Thank you.” And that’s the point.  

Productive disruption

1. Pick a partner. Ask your partner to talk about something for five minutes. ?
2. Listen without speaking. ?
3. Switch roles. ?
4. Keep trying until both of you complete a full five minutes of real listening—without interrupting and without fillers. ?

To listening! And talking. Tania

Want more tools and inspiration for creative problem solving at work and in the world? Grab a copy of my new book Creative Trespassing: How to Put the Spark and Joy Back into Your Work and Life.