“I’m Right – if you don’t agree with me – You’re Gone!”

Understanding how to manage the political power struggles that put winning an argument ahead of saving a relationship.

Right fighting is the process psychologists use to describe arguing to prove who is ‘right’ in a political debate. These hostile conflicts have been growing with frequency and intensity in many homes since the 2020 Presidential election. Families have been in bitter disputes to attack their relative’s belief about political issues – often shattering the relationship in the process.

“My son specifically told me, ‘You are no longer my mother, because you voted for that guy’.”  Our last conversation was so bitter I am not sure we could ever reconcile… the damage is done. It is sad. There are people not talking to me anymore, and I’m not sure that will change.” – Mayra Gomez, Los Angeles, (as reported to Reuters News Service)

The fight to prove what someone believes to be best for millions of people in the country has rippled over into private homes – separating mothers from daughters, brothers from sisters and fathers from sons. People so angry they are willing to permanently end the relationship to prove a point.

Many have never seen such levels of open hostility in their family, and it appears to be getting worse. Disagreements have led to protests which seem to be no more than shouting matches. The growing unrest and riots have scared many adults while leaving children traumatized. What is causing these continual political arguments, and what can be done about it? 

A major election leads to major mental change, and this one was seismic. The stunning outcome creates a massive emotional surge which is overwhelming to many, especially the aged or politically over-involved who can be set up for crushing amounts of Post-Election Shock, Stress or Sadness.

This election may have been the most negative of any during our lifetime because of numbing news fatigue and continual media over-exposure with hostile attacks, yet the real problems are yet to come. This is because many feel the current political climate is a catastrophic reflection of their future and they are terrified. 

Personal anxiety, Professional panic and impulsive decisions are on the horizon regardless of your political persuasion.  Why?

COVID fears have magnified an election process which has been overwhelming much of the time with months of negative news, never ending data to process and confusing choices to make on complex issues while partisan experts are shouting every half-hour on news/talk stations that our country and freedoms are doomed since their candidate did not win.

Many Americans were already feeling overloaded, and the extreme stress of a major political and cultural change makes them feel like they are drowning in bad news. This leaves a person feeling very alone while facing an uncertain future to make major decisions without leaders they trust. Some are projecting an economic fall-out from all the insecurity in our country, which might ripple into financial markets and into the cultural mindset.

Mountain top experiences guarantee the next step is always down in the valley.

The election has been over for months but view it like climbing a mountain range. You prepare for years and then climb for months to finally reach the top. Once there the view is great. You take some pictures, but you can’t stay on the mountain top, so no matter which path you take next it will be downhill in any direction. After the mountain top comes the valley, which isn’t a negative view, it’s just a normal part of life. The election is over and it’s time to move forward for everyone.

The danger for many is the downward slide of mood can come as an overwhelming and unexpected flood of emotion. Most actual mountain climbing accidents happen on the way down, so it is likely there will be millions of people completely unprepared for the emotional upheaval they may experience after a major shift in political leadership.

Everyone may feel some degree of emotional letdown. That is normal, however for some this may lead to a free fall of crushing emotions. It will be especially stressful and difficult for those who have been on ‘political news overload’ the last few months. These post-election emotions may come out in several ways.

Possible Reactions to Political Conflict triggered by Post-Election Stress

1)   Anger –

This can lead to violence or impulsive decisions. People who feel violated by the political process may turn to dumping volcanic levels of anger at someone or something to find relief for the pressure inside. Verbal explosions will be common. This can lead to devastating decisions, impulsive rage or using the wrong words in front of the wrong people and losing credibility or worse a family member. This can happen in men or women, young or old, but is usually seen in more extroverted personalities who tend to blow-up. Most dangerous is when an angry group of people get together to express their anger because all that rage doesn’t lead to constructive actions. Angry people go out and do angry things.

2)   Anxiety or Apathy–

This is a more serious reaction since it can lead from distress to the early stages of depression or panic. Stuffing emotions inside is like burying them alive, so they just keep building up, yet instead of blowing up and out, they blow in. This leads a person to feel emotionally numb, and often can cause an individual to commit a series of very quiet, yet very harmful self-destructive acts. Eating for comfort, drinking to numb the pain, gambling, watching porn or hooking up with the wrong partner to try and forget about their fears of the future or just refusing to answer the phone, closing the mini-blinds, and checking out on life like a hermit hiding in a dark cave. Darkness will not make the fear go away, but it may lead to feeling like an emotional prisoner with no hope of escape.

3)   Acceptance –

The healthiest choice to manage the political pressure after an extended election is acceptance. It’s over and time to move on with whatever leaders and issues the majority of voters selected. You cannot change the outcome of an election, but you can freak yourself out with fears about the future apocalypse predicted by many. Do not do that! Life will go on, and your world can continue to move forward when you trust in the process instead of placing your confidence in political opinion polls.

My mom always taught me to pray instead of panic, and the same is true in this situation. Find comfort and strength in spiritual values for peace, instead of trusting the values of Washington or Wall Street, which may be a bit of upheaval for a while.

What happens in your house is much more important than what happens in the White House. You can’t control what political leaders do, but you can control your mood and reactions to circumstances at home.

Let this journey walking down off the political ‘mountain’ be one of a growing sense of perspective as you remember after the valley there will be another mountain to climb. There will be another day to vote on national issues and when the dust settles your life will usually be about as good as you choose to make it.

This approach takes the power to control your mood away from the politicians or the TV talk-show hosts so you can build a better life without losing sleep or energy from the dangers of post-election stress. You can make your relationships more important that winning an argument.

Reaching out with kindness and acceptance to your neighbors may be the most American thing you can do right now.

About the Author – Dwight Bain guides people through major change as a counselor and executive coach in Orlando where he lives with his family and a few cats. Follow his blog posts and social media @DwightBain