I’m a resident physician, and I recovered from Covid-19. Follow me on my journey.
April: A Month of Spring and Renewal
April 12, 2020
I haven’t written on a public forum in years, but this Easter Sunday I felt compelled to put my thoughts into words. My main purpose of sharing this is to remind the people of this world that no, you are not alone. That yes, there is hope. And most importantly that we will, undeniably, get through this.
I’m a second year Internal Medicine resident at Advocate Christ Medical Center in Chicago, Illinois — and I got Covid-19. I am an otherwise healthy, 29-year-old-female with no medical conditions who ended up having fevers for seven days. For those of you going through this personally or who know a family member, dear friend, or health professional who is symptomatic - I share my story, so that you may relate. You are not alone.
My Symptoms: A week after being on the general medical floors, I started to have a mild non-productive cough on 03/20/20. Two days later I felt slightly more tired than usual, but attributed it to being on service and went about my day normally. The morning of Tuesday 03/24/20, I woke up feeling warm to the touch. Unfortunately, (and ironically), I did not have a thermometer at the time. As the day progressed however, I intuitively knew that I was spiking high fevers. I started having unexpected coughing fits, which were new. Something was off. Compared to 9 am that morning, I also felt more congested at 3 pm that afternoon. When I found out that a patient I took care of tested positive for Covid-19, I called employee health services to inform them of my symptoms. I was deemed medium-to-high risk, and swabbed for coronavirus that evening. I was placed in quarantine which worked out well, since I started 2 weeks of vacation – and was socially isolating myself regardless. On Wednesday 03/25/20, I started having myalgias. These were localized mainly to my lower back, but were more intense than usual. Even though realistically I could not get off my sofa all day, I still did not think much of them. The intermittent coughing fits continued, and my fever was persistent. I started taking 1 gram of Tylenol every 8 hours.
Friday 03/27/20: I was informed that my Covid-19 swab was negative. I had very little energy to do much else, other than sleep. My fevers did not break. I felt completely winded. Saturday 03/28/20: This was Day 5 of fevers above 101 degrees Fahrenheit (I finally got a hold of disposable thermometers). Even though I was sleeping 12 hours every single night, I had never felt so fatigued in my life. This is the day I knew — this is not the straightforward flu. As an adult taking 1000 mg of acetaminophen every 8 hours, I logically should not be spiking fevers for five days straight. Later that evening, I abruptly lost my ability to smell. A few hours after, I randomly lost my ability to taste. The fevers, cough, fatigue, and lower back pain were at their height. On Sunday 03/29/20, I told myself to “just ride it out,” thinking perhaps my anosmia and ageusia stemmed from my nasal congestion. I was now waking up with occipital headaches that would persist throughout the day, despite plenty of hydration. Although I was hoping for improvement of symptoms, deep down inside I knew that my smell and taste were nonfunctional at this point. I reached out to health officials once more, who recommended that I get tested again. They set up a drive-through appointment for me the next day. On the morning of Monday 03/30/20, I got re-tested for Covid-19 via nasopharyngeal swabbing. This is the first day I actually felt my fever had broken! After seven days, my body temperature had finally started returning to baseline. My non-productive cough also significantly improved. The afternoon of Tuesday, 03/31/20, I was notified via phone that I tested positive for SARS-CoV-2. The PCR was confirmed. Everything made sense.
In the days following, I had no more fevers. This was a huge improvement, and I felt much better than the week prior. However, I had no ability to smell or taste for 10 days. Those who know me well know how much I love, and enjoy food. Suddenly losing two extremely powerful senses made me really think about how intricately our body works on a daily basis, and how lucky we are. It made me contemplate how I take my senses for granted, and how it is a gift – to be able to see, to hear, to smell, to taste: to experience. The powerlessness to enjoy a warm, aromatic cup of coffee in the morning; the peculiarity of everything tasting like paper; the idea of eating simply for sustenance at that point: these were all eye-opening. Around the middle of my journey, I noticed that my spirits were low. After 7 days of anosmia and ageusia, I started to feel scared. Would a regular 29-year old who truly loves food be able to taste again? It may sound silly to read, but it was an absolute reality for me at the time.
Perhaps the most concerning and terrifying part of this experience was the fact that I did in fact, experience shortness of breath. I am lucky to have had only isolated instances of this, but it was also a reality. I selectively and particularly disclosed my shortness of breath to very few individuals – for fear that my family and friends would worry about me. Exertional dyspnea is by far the most unusual, and fear-provoking part of this illness. Ten days after the onset of my symptoms and after my fevers resolved, I decided to do a simple exercise at home. I needed to get some physical activity; I needed to keep sane. One set of jumping jacks later, I felt so short of breath – that I had to sit on my sofa immediately after, and take an hour-long nap. One set: a mere fifteen jumping jacks. This is what tired me out to the point of collapse. This one, singular moment in time is when I realized: this virus does not discriminate. It does not discriminate between the young and the old. Between the rich and the poor. Between the healthy and the sick. Everyone is susceptible, and everyone is vulnerable. I was dumbfounded by the fact that I, with no past medical history, felt so dyspneic after trying to do a simple harmless activity. This is not normal.
My Recovery: I am so thankful and I am so grateful that I have the ability to fight this virus off, and that all of my symptoms have resolved. It’s a miracle how strong the human body is. On Tuesday, April 7, 2020, I started regaining my senses. I was putting in a load of laundry — when suddenly and unexpectedly, I smelled flowers. The scent of lavender… it was my laundry detergent. For the first time in ten days, my olfactory bulb had woken up. I had never been so happy in my life to do laundry. If someone were in my apartment to record the expression on my face, it would have been of pure jubilation and gratitude. My spirits were immediately lifted. It’s incredible how almost instantaneously, I felt like a new person. I turned the detergent bottle around to see what it said. In bright orange and purple lettering it read, ‘Spring and Renewal.’ It could not have been more fitting. I no longer have any shortness of breath, I can smell and taste normally now, and my fevers and cough have completely resolved. I will never look at laundry detergent the same way.
Very few people talk about how isolating this kind of experience can be. If you know me, you also know that I’m generally a very cheerful, vivacious, and outgoing person. But not having seen a single familiar face in 18 days, the latter leg of this journey has been trying. The most important people in my life are my parents and my brother — all of whom I had been keeping this from, for two weeks. I knew that if I had mentioned how poorly I was feeling, all it would cause is worry and anxiety. I knew that them being back home in New York and myself in Chicago, they would physically not be able to do anything. My biggest fear was that they would try to come and see me, which I could not have them do: under any circumstance. Keeping my experience from them and trying to be resilient in a 1200-square foot apartment, alone, was one of the hardest parts of this entire experience. But if I had to do it all over again - I would do the same, exact thing. To protect my Gods on Earth, my parents: who are far more susceptible than I am — and whom I would have inevitably infected, if they had visited me. To try to contain this virus in the best way I knew at the time: by keeping my distance. To try to stay as positive as I could, even though there were times I felt so disconnected from the world. If you are going through anything of this sort right now and happen to be quarantined physically apart from your loved ones, please know that you are not alone. You are absolutely doing the right thing, by staying at home. You are absolutely doing the right thing, by being resilient. And be assured that this too, shall pass.
My Reflection: It’s interesting how history tends to repeat itself. Sadly, oftentimes throughout the centuries something bad has happened to society — for the good in humanity to come out. Despite the mortality of this virus that weighs heavy on my soul, despite the hundreds of thousands of people suffering globally, despite the physical and emotional constraints it is placing on everyone: I believe in the good. I believe in all the amazing things that have resulted, from such a devastating circumstance. I believe in the camaraderie between different cultures, different backgrounds, and different countries – people coming together, to support each other. I believe in the hundreds of thousands of people working day and night, to ensure that we are able to surmount these difficult times. I believe in the essential workers that are putting their lives at risk every single day: not just healthcare workers — but also the janitors, the grocery store clerks, the sanitation workers, the security personnel, the individuals physically transporting expired patients to the morgues… and the countless hospital staff working tirelessly in Covid-ridden hospitals. I believe that family members are actually spending more time talking to each other in their living rooms now, instead of keeping glued to their phones. I believe that people are virtually connecting with individuals they have not reached out to in years, making an effort to nourish friendships. I believe in the decrease in air pollution all around the world – making for a cleaner, purer, and more sustainable Earth. I believe, in the good.
My Gratitude: To every single person mentioned above and every single person on the frontlines: you are incredibly courageous, and you are incredibly treasured. To my fellow healthcare workers in specific: my fellow physicians, nurses, pharmacists, respiratory therapists, administrators, and more — know that you are so valued. While I have come to adore and embrace the city of Chicago as my second abode, my heart cries for my one true home, forever and always: New York. My heart cries out for my countless childhood friends on the forefront - who come home after 14-hour shifts, and cry themselves to sleep. My heart cries out for the thousands of people struggling to keep morale high, in the very place I was born in. My heart cries out for the dozens of Queens hospitals inundated with intubated patients, the same ones I have casually driven by for years. My heart cries out for my very best medical school friends and fellow physicians — who visibly look, and feel entirely worn-out after staring this illness in its face for weeks. But most of all, my heart cries out for the 6,000-plus deaths and 100,000-plus individuals who are suffering from this virus back at home. The reality is, that Queens is the epicenter of this pandemic in the United States. And the truth is, that the amount of death is real. Death facing friends from all walks of life — anesthesiologists, emergency department physicians, critical care intensivists, and my brethren internal medicine residents: all of whom are manning the units of Queens, Brooklyn, Manhattan, Bronx, and Staten Island as best as they can. Recently two of my best friends used the words “traumatizing” to describe their experience. They expressed how difficult it has been to pronounce countless number of people expired– the saddest part being that these patients are dying alone, with no one else’s hand to hold but a gloved-up practitioner’s. They have expressed deep anguish about the multiple video calls they are making in any given day, to break news to family members that their loved ones have passed away. My heart goes out to the thousands of medical professionals working without rest, forced to endure shifts without proper personal protective equipment.
The exhaustion is real, and the mortality is real. I know that you are tired. All around the country, I say to my dear colleagues and friends: keep going, you brave souls. For every single person I have encountered throughout my medical career both back home in Queens and here in Chicago, know that you are so appreciated. To medical professionals all over the United States and across the entire world: you are seen. Keep fighting the good fight, my friends. And specifically for healthcare workers: if you are feeling sick, please listen to your gut. Advocate for yourself. Take care of yourself. Because the reality is that we are exposed, and we are also the foremost vectors of transmitting this virus. Do not neglect yourself. Reach out to me, if you are unsure of having symptoms and want to talk about it. Listen to your body, and respect it. Often as a medical community, we tend to put ourselves on the back burner. And while we are absolutely needed in this time of crisis, it is also essential that we take care of ourselves – so that we may properly take care of our patients.
More Gratitude: For everyone who is diligently staying at home – thank you, for doing your part. I know it is hard to be cooped up, within the confines of brick walls. It may feel challenging to stay at home, with no specific routine. But try to use this time, to become a better version of yourself. Take up a hobby you have always wanted to. Write; draw; open your mind. Do home exercises, and try to cook healthier food. More than anything: remember that your social distancing is 100% saving the lives of others —keeping your loved ones from being in life-or-death positions, that we are so lucky not to be in. We must continue to uphold our responsibility to humankind. As the weather gets brighter and the lands warmer, many of us will be tempted to go about life “normally.” But normal is not an option, just yet. We must be cautious, and we must be aware. Please continue to practice social distancing, as best as you can. This fight is not over. I ask that you please be conscious, and respectful of the choices you make in the upcoming few weeks. Conscious of the way that they affect not only you, but also your own parents, grandparents, friends - and the hundreds of people that surround you. Hundreds; there is no exaggeration there. While the world is suffering – physically, emotionally, economically — we must remember that there can be no economy, if there are no people. We must continue to help each other and scientifically defeat this virus, before we can think about furthering our own personal wants, or needs.
My Purpose: Ultimately my main reason for writing this is to spread joy, happiness, and hope — to everyone reading. If you are suffering from Covid-19, you are not alone. If you are not suffering from Covid-19, you are not alone. If you simply need someone to speak to, please reach out. Say hi, share your experiences, and know that we are all in this together…though we may not be physically. I love and miss my family every single day, and cannot wait to hug them — when all of this is over. I am recovering incredibly well, and am as happy as could be. I am so thankful for all the wonderful people in my life, who have kept me the upbeat person I am throughout this journey. To my Chicago girls who have become my sisters, my best friends all across the country, and my family back home in Queens – I am indebted to you. Every text and every phone call from well-wishers, both acquaintances and family alike, has kept me going through this.
My Future: After bleaching every square inch of my apartment and deep cleaning like I never have before, nothing gives me more joy than the ability to go back to work – and help people the best way I know how. By continuing to see patients. I cannot wait to be reunited with the most wonderful work family: the most supportive group of program directors, internal medicine colleagues, and hospital staff that I know. I am blessed to be a part of this program. And I cannot wait to be practicing medicine again, back where I belong.
I’d like to end with one of my all-time favorite quotes. “Be kind, for everyone that you know is fighting a battle of their own.” – Unknown
Be compassionate. Be cognizant. Be there for each other. And most importantly, please be mindful. Please think about the consequences of your actions especially during the next few weeks – as the sun starts to shine brighter. Please continue to stay home. And please: let us all help this pass, together. For those experiencing anything and everything coronavirus-related, you have my support. If you have any questions about medicine, are in a similar situation, or simply need someone to talk to: I am here. Reach out, say hi, and know that you are loved.
You are not alone. There is hope. And we will, undeniably, get through this.
Lots of love,
Praveena
a.k.a. “Dr. T”
Praveena Tathineni, D.O.
PGY-2, Internal Medicine
P.s. If you feel it in your heart to do so, please donate to the cause of providing medical professionals with Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) – links provided below. It means a lot.