I’m Not Negative, I'm Just Pruning My Attitude

“I was so optimistic and confident; I was a positive force for good.” I said. “Stop right there,” Michelle interrupted, “Where is that energy now?” I didn’t have an answer. A lot had happened in 5 years, the last of which was a reorganization. Most people affected were merely realigned, some Leads were promoted, while other Leads were reassigned to line positions, which is common with reorgs. I was in the latter group. It was a blow to the ego, and I wasn’t prepared for my emotional reaction. This could have been a quick and easy transition. But I threw in a dose of drama by taking things way too personal until it consumed my complete attention, which is common with bruised egos. 

It was distracting to say the least and was taking a toll on my, well, everything. At home, I moped. At play, I just quit that all together. At work, I became a victim and whined like I'd never whined before, and others noticed. It's embarrassing as I look back now.  

She then issued the challenge; "Write a letter from your past self, the strong confident survivor from 5 years ago, to your current self. What advice would you give your current self?"

So, I sat down to write the letter, what I found was both astonishing and terrifying. I was astonished at the lesson's life has to offer. I was astonished at how strong, brave, positive, and resilient I am. Oh yes, and humble, I am humble too… I was terrified at how easily I forgot all these things. I was terrified at how easy it was to get caught up in my own self and self-pity.

Here’s what I wrote:

Hello Me,

It's me, if you're reading this, it means you've made it another 5 years, congratulations! If the last 5 years have been anything like the previous 5, wait, 40+ years, you deserve that congratulations! You’ve probably been faced with your share of challenges. Some of those you may have created for yourself, others may have been cause by those around you, and some may not be traced to anyone's fault at all, as they are a part of life itself and are bigger than you. They are challenges of circumstance, they just happen. 

But knowing you like I do; I know you’ve fought through to claim your share of wins. Yet, you've probably stood with your head hung low in defeat more often than you'd hoped. Remember, neither of those outcomes are permanent, wins and losses come and go. The only thing you take from each fight is the experience of battle, no matter the outcome. Be grateful to be in the game and take each win and loss graciously, for each come with precious lessons offered only to participants and will add to the you, you are becoming. 

Here's a little something about the challenges you face:

·      About the ones you create for yourself; please learn from them and change your ways, for here lays the difference between the wise and foolish. The wise learn from their mistakes, where the foolish make the same mistake over and over expecting different results. Please be wise. 

·      As for the ones caused by those around you; please be patient for they are only human and share much the same challenges and experience as you. Offer them the same encouragement, support, pressure and discipline you offer yourself. Please, offer it on their terms so they are willing to accept it. Remember, they are your reason for being. Without those connections' life loses meaning, so keep those bonds strong.

·      As for the rest of the challenge's life has to throw at you, well, I just want to remind you of a few things:

First, the only thing you really have control over is your own attitude. Claim it! Care for it, give it the attention it deserves. Your attitude guides your habits, and habits rule your life. Having a positive, supportive, and happy attitude takes proper care and attention. So please, attend to it with care, with constant nourishment, continual watering and strategic pruning and thinning. I understand the pruning can be the hardest part. It can be difficult to leave parts of yourself behind, it can hurt and even leave scars. But it's necessary to become who you are truly meant to be as it allows you to focus on growing the true fruit of life and not the suckers (useless distractions). Don’t be afraid to keep it trimmed, pruned and positive and it will serve you well!

Next, you have amazing strengths and talent. They bring you, and those around you, joy! Focus on those talents, for in them is unlimited potential, it would be a shame to leave them unattended, untapped and unrealized. For the most part, you have been afraid to tap into this potential. Please attack it with a vengeance, learn and perfect the crafts of asking, listening and telling and you will be an unstoppable force for good. 

Next, you have limitations. You were not created, nor meant, to do everything. Many things are better left for others. Remember, other's success or progression has no reflection on you. Just because others excel, does not make you less. On the contrary, by letting others do what they do, will allow you to focus on your strengths. Don’t be afraid to build relationships with those who excel in the area's in which you have limitations, it will serve you both well. 

Next, just because you can do something does not mean you should do that thing. Just because someone asks, doesn't mean you must. Just because no one asks, doesn't mean you shouldn't, or can't. "No" is an answer you are free to give. "Yes" is an answer you are not required to give. Don’t be afraid, make a decision and answer.

Beware; sometimes what you think you want, and what brings true happiness, are completely different. Choose what you do wisely remembering sometimes you'll never truly understand the difference until you've experienced both. Don't be afraid to experience but be prepared to utilize that experience to guide yourself into what is, or is not, next. 

Finally, life will serve you scores of "opportunities", choose wisely. Many of life's distractions appear as opportunity. They appear to be fun and harmless activities, or even worse, opportunities for gain, yet they only divert precious, time, energy and resources from what truly matters. Very few of life's opportunities are catalyst for unimaginable growth. The trick is to identify and relentlessly pursue the latter. When you are faced with an opportunity, your first question should not be, "Can I do this?" It should be "Should I do this?" The answer to this question is a function derived from the points discussed above, start by asking:

i.        Does it align to my Talents and Strengths? 

1.      Will this rely on my talents, then build on them? 

2.      Will the hard work let me be me? (When I close my eyes, can I see me doing it?)

3.      Will it allow me to grow in areas I want or need to develop?

4.      Will it leave me and the those around me better and closer to what we are meant to be?

ii.      Does it align with my Limitations? 

1.      Will this rely on me doing things I don't do well, or even enjoy?

2.      Will this rely on me pretending to be something or someone I'm not? (When I close my eyes, can I see me doing it?)

3.      Will it require me to learn things I will not be proficient or even adequate at, or even want to know?

4.      Will it leave me and the those around me better and closer to what we are meant to be? 

When you answer with your heart, the choice will be obvious. If the opportunity builds on your strengths and leaves you and those around you better, then do it! If it drains resources and leaves you less, don’t.

As you move forward, be prepared. True opportunities are few and far between. Be prepared to say no. Be prepared to demand yes. Be prepared to explain the difference and tell why. Be prepared to do the work. Be prepared for emotional reactions and bruised egos, it only shows you care. Be prepared to rely on your "trimmed and positive attitude" as it will carry you through the hard patches. 

Love (and I mean it!),

Me

It’s funny how the ups and downs of life just keep coming. Lucky for me, when I was in one of the “downs”, a wise friend, colleague and mentor came to my rescue by asking a couple of simple questions to remind me what I already knew, but had so easily forgotten. This little exercise helped re-center my focus and find my positive self again. I issue the same challenge; think back to when you were your best self, think about what advice you’d give yourself, then write it down and save it for a rainy day. Remember, you’re not negative, you’re just trimming your attitude.

https://wardewilson.com/2019/07/19/im-not-negative-im-just-pruning-my-attitude

Copyright ? 2019 Ward E Wilson