I’m Not Listening: How To Quiet Your Inner Critic So That You Can Enjoy Life

We all know that voice in our heads, you know, the one that seems determined to hold us back.

Whether you call it your inner critic, self-doubt or “that little voice,” it can be a major obstacle and the thorn in your side, especially when you find yourself at a decision point that you don’t want to get wrong.

It questions our every move, undermines our confidence and leaves us feeling as though we’re not quite good enough.

What if I told you that this voice isn’t you?

You already knew that, didn’t you?

It’s neither good nor bad. It’s simply doing its job, which is to keep you safe. It’s there to make sure you don’t step out of your comfort zone, which, ironically, is often where the real growth and fulfilment are waiting.

Now, here’s a tip I share with my clients who are facing significant life changes, whether they’re mums returning to work, those who have recently retired or individuals navigating redundancy. I tell them to name their inner critic.

I call mine Vera.

Giving that voice a name is a powerful first step because it reminds you that this critic is not you. Vera has her opinions, and I don’t have to listen to them. And neither do you.

So, how do you handle this internal dialogue that keeps holding you back?

Identify Your Inner Critic (and Give It a Name)

Your inner critic will always be part of you, and that’s okay. It’s there to protect you, not punish you.

Just remember, you get to decide how much airtime it gets. Naming this voice gives it shape, like my Vera, and allows you to separate it from yourself.

When you hear that criticism rising, you can say, “Alright, Vera, I’ve heard you, and now it’s time for me to take the lead.”

It’s surprising how liberating this simple act of naming can be.

When I’m working with clients, we often spend time unearthing the voice of their inner critic and seeing what it sounds like. For some, it’s harsh and judgmental, for others, it’s a quiet whisper of doubt.

Once they know what it sounds like and give it a name, they’re one step closer to taking back control.?

Challenge the Negative Thoughts

Your inner critic tends to focus on worst-case scenarios and assumptions. When Vera starts whispering, I remind myself to challenge her.

Is this thought factual or is it a story she’s created to keep me small?

For example, if you’re a mum re-entering the workforce, Vera might say, “You’re out of touch, no one will take you seriously.” The question is, where’s the proof?

I encourage clients to question these thoughts. Often, they find the story they’re telling themselves isn’t grounded in reality. Instead, it’s their inner critic working overtime.

So ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend who had this thought?”

Giving yourself that same compassion can take the sting out of your critic’s words.

Focus on Progress, Not Perfection?

Your inner critic loves to insist on perfection, and when you fall short, it’s all too ready to remind you of every flaw. But life is about growth, not perfection. This is something I teach in my Crossroads to Clarity programme, where we focus on building self-esteem and setting achievable goals.

So the next time you hear that voice saying, “You’re not doing enough,” pause and think of one thing you’ve done that brought you closer to your goal.

Maybe it’s reaching out to a new contact, completing a challenging task or simply getting through a tough day.

Every win counts, no matter the size.

Reframe Failure as Learning

Your inner critic wants to keep you safe from failure. This is particularly tough when you’re at a crossroads in your life, like retirement or a new job search, where uncertainty looms large.

One way to silence this critic is by reframing failure as learning.

Instead of letting your critic’s “What if I fail?” stop you, ask yourself, “What can I learn if this doesn’t work out as planned?”

By turning failure into a learning opportunity, you’re giving yourself permission to try, grow and move forward, without the inner critic constantly holding you back.

Visualise Success and Silence Self-Doubt

When I coach clients who are struggling with their inner critic, I encourage them to visualise success. By creating a clear mental picture of where you want to go, you start to drown out that critical voice with one of hope, excitement and possibility.

Try this. Close your eyes and imagine yourself thriving at that next stage of life, whether it’s in a new job, finding fulfilment post-retirement or taking on a new challenge.

See yourself confident and at ease. Feel the joy of achieving what you set out to do. This visualisation makes your goal feel more tangible and keeps your focus on where you’re going rather than where your inner critic thinks you’ll fail.

Embracing the Journey of all your Life’s Chapters

Navigating life’s transitions isn’t easy. There are bound to be moments of doubt, and that’s normal. I work with clients to help them tune into their potential, silence their inner critic and step into each new chapter with confidence. By addressing the voice that says, “You can’t,” we uncover the truth, that you absolutely can.

So, the next time your own Vera starts up, remember these tips. Let her have her say and remind yourself that she’s not in charge, you are.

Every new chapter of your life is a chance for growth, and with a bit of guidance and a lot of self-compassion, you’ll find your way through.

If you’re ready to take that next step, I offer three free Ignite Your Life 30-minute coaching calls each week. Just click the link to submit your application. https://wp.me/PaEzld-25X