I'm helping to stop the stigma

Today is the day I decided I will never be quiet about mental health again.

I have been a liar in some ways.

I am addicted to feeling happy. I am a person who looks for the positive in hard things, the person who smiles and finds simple ways to be grateful for each day. I have brainwashed and conditioned myself in many ways to do this, and yes- it works and generally helps me live more positively. This is innocent and uplifting in some ways.

But….In some ways, this is lying to myself and to the world. Because it creates an unreasonable image that one can (or at least should try to) maintain unicorns and rainbows if they choose to, if they are grateful enough, if they are positive enough, if they are strong enough. And that’s just BS. None of us can do that and we shouldn’t portray an illusion that it’s remotely possible to consistently achieve.

We all have difficult emotions, challenges we tuck down in order to be functional at work or in social circles. We like the surface because it’s prettier, cleaner, simpler. Nobody enjoys being vulnerable or fighting back tears. We enjoy being happy and chase that at all costs.

And we wonder why there is a stigma around talking about mental illness. We wonder why people don’t want to talk with anyone about their anxiety, depression, compulsions, addictions, failures. It’s hard, embarrassing, and scary. Sharing it often doesn’t make us feel better given it can lead to amplified feelings of shame, grief, or terror.

Mental illness has plagued my own family throughout generations, and so few people know that about me. It’s definitely not a fun fact I share at business meetings or friendly gatherings. Does anyone want to hear about my brother, Michael, who has battled schizophrenia for 20 years, about my many family members who grapple with bipolar disorder, or about my relative who committed suicide at age 45 this week as a result of addiction and depression??

Does anyone want to know about my own anxiety challenges and about the medication that has helped me in so many ways? Does anyone want to hear about how tired I am on nights I cannot sleep because of anxiety? Nope. Some prefer talking politics. I myself prefer the rainbows and unicorns conversation.

I recently went to a business networking and met a successful woman who shared with me that she is battling severe anxiety disorder. I shared my own experiences and we compared notes on interventions. I was so grateful she opened up to me and felt it was so refreshing to be so ‘real’, so fast. Why aren’t we doing more of that?

Another woman recently sent a curt text message saying she is changing roles at work and wanted me to know. Said “thanks and have a good day”, end of story. I responded back with a human touch because the text didn't "sound like her". Lo and behold, she admitted that life is feeling heavy for her right now and she opened up. Finding people you can trust with all your ugly stuff is hard.?It is hard to take the risk.?But when you share, the darkness no longer has the same power.

I will no longer ask “how are you doing” and not really look into someone’s eyes to see if there’s something there that needs tending to. I will no longer try to pretend I’m whole and happy if in fact it’s a day I’m not feeling mentally well. I want to be the change I hope to see in the world, and for crying out loud…. I’m tired of mental illness winning. We can treat cancer and transplant a human heart, and we also have the ability to treat mental illness. But unlike cancer or a heart transplant, getting treatment is something far too many avoid or put off because the very thing that someone needs in order to get help - the brain, cognition, thinking, emotional clarity - is, in essence, broken.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1 in 5?U.S. adults experience mental illness each year; 1 in 20?U.S. adults experience serious mental illness each year; 1 in 6?U.S. youth aged 6-17 experience a mental health disorder each year.

In 2020, 1 in 15?U.S adults experienced both a substance use disorder and mental illness; 12+ million?U.S adults had serious thoughts of suicide; 1 in 5?U.S adults report that the pandemic had a significant negative impact on their mental health; Among U.S. adults who received mental health services: 17.7 million?experienced delays or cancellations in appointments; 7.3 million?experienced delays in getting prescriptions; 4.9 million?were unable to access needed care; 26.3 million?U.S?adults received virtual mental health services in the past year.

Stay in tune with others. Look out for cries for help. Let’s talk more, connect more, advocate more, use our mental health resources more, share more, and simply love more. That pill is something I can definitely swallow.??