"This is it, I'm going to die." The incredible transformation of Terry Crews

Brooklyn Nine-Nine got us through the early days of Covid. It was the one show that my family of five could all agree on, and so, in the periods of quarantine, we’d sit on the couch and laugh together. A favorite of all of ours was Terry Jeffords, the steel girder of a police lieutenant played by Terry Crews.

Terry’s tough guy image is the first thing most people notice about him. He’s massive. He’s an ex NFL linebacker who transitioned into acting, playing everything from modern day gladiators (Battle Dome) to wrestlers-turned-US-presidents (Idiocracy). That image is one that Terry talks a lot about —?why he built it, what it hides, and how he’s learned to hate it —?in his new book, Tough: My Journey to True Power.

It’s a powerful book and one that made me feel like an idiot for assuming I could piece together his story based on his profile: From high school football in Flint, Mich. to college ball to the NFL to Hollywood. You can fill in the details on how you think that path played out; it’s probably wrong. Terry grew up in poverty, the son of an alcoholic and abusive father, a cult-following and abusive mother, and as a kid who just wanted to be an artist. Adults in his life let him down and humiliated him; faith proved false; competitors were easier to find than friends. And Terry was his own worst enemy. Over the years, he built a belief about how he needed to represent himself that made him —?and those closest to him —?miserable.

For the latest #ThisIsWorking, I talked to Terry about how he’s come around to embracing vulnerability and why he thinks it’s the answer to so many questions in work and life. He demonstrated his willingness to be vulnerable in our talk, revealing his true feelings about his career in the NFL, the humbling experience of learning self discipline, and how, with one broom, he changed how he felt about himself. Terry is full of surprises and my interview with him is no exception.???

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Here are some edited highlights of our conversation that started with Terry telling me why he wanted to be an entertainer since he was a kid.?

“When I was a little kid growing up in Flint, Michigan, I used to watch Carol Burnett every Saturday night with my mom. And it was one of those things where it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life simply because I learned what being funny was about and the power that entertainment had to make people happy.?

“Now, another thing though, is that my circumstances were not really ideal. My father was very abusive and he would beat my mom. And, you know, one of those times we would be watching Carol Burnett, a lot of times my mom would be nursing a black eye and these kinds of things. And I learned very early, the power to make her laugh, even in the midst of her pain.

“There were several iterations where I thought I would be an animator. I thought I would be a special effects artist. I thought I would be a filmmaker. But what is really crazy is that I never thought I would be an actor. Which is really the insane thing. The fact that I ended up with over 25 years of being a performer in front of the camera was not on my list. I look at my life right now and it's all shocking to me all the time. I’m just so, so grateful. I'm the most grateful man in Hollywood.”

As a kid, you loved art, but you were pushed into football. What was that like?

“You have to understand Flint at the time. I was a kid during the ‘70s and ‘80s and eighties and there was the decline of the auto industry. But also there was the rise of the crack epidemic. So my city was going through major upheaval in a negative light. I knew I had to get out.

“My whole thing is like, how is painting and drawing going to get me out of here? But what I did see was athletics. And I said, “Okay,? I'm strong. I'm athletic. I'm going to use football as a way to get out.' I actually walked onto my college football team. I had a $500 art scholarship and then walked onto the football team so I could pay for the rest because my family couldn't afford it. And after a year and a half, I eventually got that scholarship and I decided to just keep going, really just become a football player but I'll be honest, I really didn't like it.?

“When it was time to retire, a lot of people were like, ‘Are you going to get into broadcasting? Or you want to stay in coaching?’ And I was like, ‘Oh, no, I'm done.’ I was truly finished. There were years I didn't even watch. And it was one of those things where I realized, ‘Hey, wait a minute. You know, I didn't really like it.’ And to be honest, it was actually an obstacle. My wife used to be like, ‘You know, Honey, maybe you're getting cut a lot because you're not that good.’ I was like, ‘You know, maybe I should be doing something else.’ But it's wild because it shows just what sticktuitiveness will get you. It got me seven years in the NFL.”

In your book, you make the being in the pros sound pretty awful.?

“The light kind of went bright and on for me when I learned that competition is exactly the opposite of creativity. And let me tell you what I mean. You know, when you're talking about the NFL, a lot of people look up to it as the bar to set for excellence and the whole thing. And there's a big difference between being kicked into success or being inspired into success. And being in the NFL involved a lot of kicking.?

“People think that the NFL players are coming together as a team, but a lot of times the competition is fierce with each other. It's really about beating the person that's next to you.”

Netflix CEO Reed Hastings has said that companies should be built like pro teams: Everyone is the top in their field, all trying to achieve the same goals, but every job is impermanent. Sounds like you don’t think that’s a great business metaphor.

“When you look at who really gets successful in the NFL, a lot of times it's the owners. Of course Netflix would say, ‘Oh wow, we want to be like an NFL team.’ Yeah, because again, the players kind of get pushed off to the side and the team keeps going. When I look at this level of competition, I choose collaboration. We have to work together. And any business that works together and where people are actually supporting each other and supporting everyone's success, to me, that's the essence of what a real successful company is all about.”

You’ve been vocal about sexual harassment in Hollywood, even naming names when it came to your own experience being harassed. Were you worried about what that might do to your career?

“I thought my career was over instantly. I remember when I tweeted that I had been sexually assaulted, I came home to my wife and I said, ‘Hollywood is over.’?

“But you have to remember when you're talking about getting along and collaborating, a lot of times it means calling out bad behavior. When I was growing up in Flint, Michigan, you know, the gangs would always have a code of not snitching. That was the thing. But the only purpose of that phrase was so they could get away with everything they were getting away with. And no one could call them out because you would be called out as the worst thing in the world.?

“If you run a company, if you call yourself a leader, you are going to have to be held accountable.”

When you left the NFL, it wasn’t an easy shift for you. Why was that transition so challenging?

“What I found out was when I retired, I was on my own. And I found out that I didn't have any self-discipline. I had developed this whole attitude of entitlement. And it's so insidious. It's very sneaky because if you work somewhere and you think, ‘I'm a hard worker, I'm good. I'll do what it takes.’ But then when you're on your own and when you have to do the things for yourself, that's the true test. And I was lazy.?

“I was taking these loans from my friend, I probably took about 20, 30 loans from this guy. And he was a pro football player. He's my good friend, Ken Harvey. I asked him for one more loan. He said, ‘Dude, I can't do it anymore.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, okay, okay.’

When I hung up the phone, I was angry and I was mad at him. I was like, ‘He’s supposed to be my friend. How is he not giving me this money?’ And then I heard myself talking like that. And then all of a sudden it changed. And I said, ‘Why am I angry at the only person who helped me in the first place?’ It hit me that I had a problem. It hit me that I had no self-discipline. It hit me that I didn't know how to really work. I just knew how to ask, but I didn't know how to work.?

“The next day, I went to a place called Labor Ready and they gave me a broom and I swept a factory. I mean, it was that bad. Like we needed some money that bad. I worked for $8 an hour. I got a check for 64 bucks. They took the taxes out. I got $48. I gave $20 to my wife. I put $20 in the gas tank and I had $8 in my hand. And that was $8 I didn't have the day before.?

“And I realized something. At that moment I said, ‘Man, I have the power to do something about my own situation.’ Because before I was always blaming everybody else for my problems, for my issues, for my thing. ‘Give me a loan. You're supposed to help me. The NFL cut me. Now what do I do?’ Then I was totally responsible for myself and I was never broke again, Dan. Never. It was a watershed.?

“It was the pain that I needed to go through. And I thank my friend, Ken, to this day. We talked yesterday. He is my best friend to this day and I thanked him for turning me down for that long.”

I can't imagine the ego hit of going from the NFL to sweeping.?

“When they handed me the broom, I thought I was going to pass out. I literally was like, ‘This is it. I'm going to die.’ And then all of a sudden I started sweeping and I went, ‘I'm not dead.’ And then I started looking around and I was like, ‘Nobody cares.’ And I was like, ‘Wait a minute. Everybody's worried about themselves. Nobody's even thinking about me.’

And then it hit me, man: No one cares. The fact that you thought the whole world would crumble if you started doing something else other than playing football, that everyone's going to talk about you, and it was going to be this big front page news story … it wasn't.?

When they handed me the broom, I thought I was going to pass out. I literally was like, ‘This is it. I'm going to die.'

“I started applying that attitude to everything. Anything. So I said, ‘Well, if I went from football player to sweeping floors, I can go from football player to security guard. I can go from security guard to filing papers at the Veterans Administration. I can go from filing papers to acting. Because no one cared. And I learned how to take the segue as getting better.”

Can you talk about the lesson you learned from feeling like you were being ignored on red carpets??

“I remember going on the red carpet and feeling like a flea because there were big stars around me and I was intimidated. I was very intimidated by the stardom of other people. I was competing. I was like, ‘I'm not as good as them. I can't compare.’ And everything I was thinking was validated by the photographers. They were like, ‘Okay, could you please move along? You're in the way of the superstars.’ And I remember, like I was telling my wife, ‘I don't want to go on the red carpet. This is hurting me.’ And she was like, ‘Honey, you deserve it. You were in the project. What is the problem?’?

I started to understand that I had a real issue. The problem wasn't with the paparazzi. It was with me, how I felt about myself. So I decided, ‘Terry, take your place. Just take your place and don't shrink back.’ And so what I decided to do was get on the red carpet and do a jump. And one thing I had to figure out —?because with photographers, they just want to sell photos — so I decided to give him something to sell. I said, ‘I'm going to jump on the red carpet every time I'm there.’ And I did this over several years, every time I did it I ended up in the paper and it defeated the fear of the red carpet. This fear of me feeling insignificant. I took my place. And when I say that, it was internal. It was a thing where, ‘Hey man, you worked for this. You take it. It's yours.’

(Photo: Getty Images search results for Terry jumping. There are so many.)

“A lot of times, we find ourselves playing humble. Golda Meir had a saying: ‘Don't be so humble. You're not that great.’ The thing is, you have to just go ahead and take your place. If someone says you did a great job, say thank you. Instead of just taking the bad, you have to say, ‘I did that right. I did this correctly. I can take my place here’.”

What kind of advice would you give to someone who either comes from a similar background to yours? Or to a manager managing the younger you?

“I just read Simon Sinek's book and I just love it. It's called Leaders Eat Last. Literally to be a leader and to be this kind of person, you have to discover what your service is. Serving is the number one thing.?

People watch. People do not listen to what you say. They watch what you do.

“People watch. People do not listen to what you say. They watch what you do. And I realized that. I noticed the difference in my family. There was a time in my family when I wanted to control everybody. And I was that taskmaster. I was a part of this thing where it was my way or the highway. And you know what, I faced resistance at every step. Once I changed, and I mean, it took years, but I got my thing together and I decided, ‘Wait a minute. My job as a leader in this house is to serve, to really be like, to make sure my wife gets to the goal she wants to get to. To make sure my kids reach the goals they want to get to, not the goals I want. What’s the goal you want??

"And let me tell you,? right now in my family, we changed. We've changed for the better, and it's a beautiful experience. And that's the best advice I can give.”