I'm giving up...
High Achiever’s mind is relentless. I know that very well because I have one.
It gets me into all sorts of trouble, coming up with some weird and wonderful ideas and decisions.
It sometimes feels like my mind has a mind on its own.
Like a recent idea my mind has come up with.
To register for a 10km run in October.
Why?
That’s a very good question. I have no clue what the reason for it was.
Ah, wait! I know!
My mind wanted to prove to myself (and to you) that I can run 10km, cross the finish line, take a picture, post it on LinkedIn and be admired.
That’s a simple truth. Apart from that I have absolutely NO association with running. At least not in the past six years or so.
But my High Achieving, approval craving mind forgot about two things:
1.??????that my premenopausal body might have a different opinion about the running thing
2.??????that I already do a circuit training three times a week and my body is very happy with it
Despite all that I have registered for the run a few weeks ago.
And I have added running to my training schedule.
Three times a week a high intensity circuit training and three times a week going for a run. Yoga in between.
NOT A GOOD IDEA.
But my mind insisted I had to go through with the plan because I had already registered for it.
Not going through with my decisions is not an option in my world, you see.
Until yesterday, that is.
As I tuned into, really tuned into how my body felt last week (beaten up and stiff) this “daring” question popped up.
“Why are you doing this girl???”
And do you know what the first answer that came to me was?
“I already told my parents I’ve registered and if I pull out now, I will disappoint them. I will be a failure.”
WOW!!!!
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SLAP!
I’ve been working on healing my inner child for a long time. I thought I have made peace with “I’m not good enough” inner belief and story.
But she is obviously still sitting there, feeling fragile. ?
That little girl who believes that she needs to try extremely hard to make her parents proud. To deserve their attention. To deserve their love.
***
We all carry a wounded inner child in us. Maybe you are aware of it and maybe you are not.
Our High Achieving desire to prove ourselves, do more, achieve more, produce more comes from the deep fear of that little girl or boy inside of us feeling not worthy of being loved purely for just who we are.
We believe (most of the time subconsciously) that we need to achieve more to BE ENOUGH.
But it’s an endless chase. A viscous circle. ?
Because WE ALREADY ARE ENOUGH.
***
I don’t need to run 10km and then show you a picture of it just to make myself believe I am enough.
I am enough exactly as I am.
You are enough exactly as you are.
We all are.
ENOUGH exactly as we are.
And for that reason….
I am saying loud and clear
I am giving up the 10km run because I DON’T WANT TO DO IT! Period. I don't care if I have already registered or not.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Who are you trying so hard for?
With lots of love,
Michaela x
Love this Michaela, sometimes we don’t realise we always a choice! Good for you ??
Marketing Manager at Harris & Company LLP
2 年Turning a red light into a green light. Congrats on this success!
Executive Advisor, Coach & Mentor | Get Out of Your Own Way? Programme, Workshops & Retreats |Fractional Chief
2 年Asking why is such an insightful question (if you go deep). If you fancy a 10k soul stroll instead I’ll head down to the NF to join you!
Group Commercial Director - Unite Students
2 年I love this and your honesty - you should have called me and I would have reminded you - you once told me running at our age is not healthy for us ??
Senior Project Manager, Implementation Lead APAC
2 年Thank you for sharing your story. Good on you for doing what’s best for you.