"I'm Fine" (You're Not)
Kari Ginsburg, CCMP, PCC
Coach and Co-Conspirator for Glitterbombs - Professional Misfits - so they can catapult from lonely to legendary.
A coach friend recently asked me how I was doing, and I replied “Oh, I’m fine.”
She paused.? She looked deep into my soul through the Zoom box, and she sighed.??
“Let’s be honest.? Fine means
Fucked Up
Irritated
Nervous
Exhausted
Are you actually those things, or what?”
That was such a revelatory moment.? I didn’t realize that I was going through the motions and not really reflecting on how I was.? I didn’t take the opportunity to talk to someone who cares about me to be honest with what was up.??
It’s really easy to do, isn’t it???
It’s really easy to get stuck and not know how or where to start when you think about everything you want for yourself, like a different career or a new car or a vacation or even a pedicure.
It’s really easy to allow yourself to be boxed in by other people's expectations for you, like that next step in your relationship or your next degree or even where you’ll live.
It’s really easy to get pulled back into the Cult of Shoulds or to allow your imposter inner voice to usher you back into your comfort zone, because old habits and bad habits can feel cozy and easy even if they’re not the best for you (like that ex’s t-shirt that you can’t get rid of even though you’d never go back).
It’s really easy to put yourself on a shelf, to exhaust yourself by behaving in a way that’s not honest*, or to burn out because you’re saying yes to things that don’t align with your values and ambitions.?
*BTW, folks know. They may not know what’s really happening, but they’ll get a sense that you’re holding something back and that will make them act defensively towards you
But the easy thing and the right thing are so often not the same thing.
Easy: deciding you want a raise and waiting for someone to bring it up to you
Right: scheduling time to discuss your contributions and make the pitch for a salary boost
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Easy: renewing your spot on the PTA board because there might not be anyone to take your place if you leave, even though you loathe every minute of service
Right: emailing your intention to end your service, and reclaiming that time for you
Easy: accepting an invitation to a wedding that you don’t want to attend
Right: politely declining without explanation - they don’t need it, and you don’t need the emotional labor (and you don’t have to send a gift btw)
It’s harder to proudly proclaim the things that you want for yourself, to own your fantastic, unexpected perspective, to rightfully claim a seat at the table, and to take up space and turn up the volume of your voice.??
What's right for you?
Where do you even begin?
You may not have the answers right now, but I have a lot of questions to support you every step of that “figuring-it-out” journey, however that looks for you.
?And the first step is an invitation to join me inside shortwave.?
shortwave is a 6 or 12 month on-demand coaching experience for high-achieving, high-performing, overcommitted women and femmes who want to bring their whole, true, colorful selves to the table.? Every.? Damn.? Day.
Across shortwave, you’ll:
And most importantly, you’ll feel supported, seen, and heard every step of the way.
Wherever you are, whenever you are, so am I.
“Fine” will no longer be your go-to, guaranteed.
Jewelry Designer + Living "SELF-ishly" expert for women ?? Creator of Wear + Share easy, abundance-building jewelry referral and affiliate program ??
11 个月I caught myself the other day doing something in my gut I knew I wasn't "fine" with and flipped the script to say "I'm not OK with this" and low-and-behold, the other party (after I stood up for myself with no less than 3 levels of management) said "OK, I understand." and took away that requirement of doing business with them. I love "not being fine". It's so empowering! Thanks for the post.
Advocate, Actor, Writer
1 年Yes!!!