I'm fine.

Last week I wrote here about how noticing is a critical strength for leaders in the virtual world. Today is ‘Time to Talk Day’, a brilliant opportunity for leaders to put into action their ‘noticing’ skills as a small conversation can make a big difference to others.  

The campaign encourages us to ‘ask twice’ in reference to people’s default response ‘I’m fine’. I really appreciated a colleague checking in with me in November 2020 when she picked up on a slight strain in my voice during a regular meeting. She isn’t someone I speak to frequently and it meant such a lot that she reached out to check in as she had noticed something was amiss. 

I’m fascinated by the balance between us feeling anxious and feeling in a good space with the challenges we face – I feel it is a slender tipping point, especially when I reflect on Csikszentmihalyi's model of ‘Flow’.  

Flow is that feeling we get when time rushes past us – spending hours working but it feels like minutes – being so absorbed and engaged that we lose all sense of time.  It is a good feeling. Most of us experience it through our work as that is the part of our lives that presents the most opportunities for us to be stretched to the edge of our capabilities.    

Surely the ideal for all of us is to point our roles in the direction of our strengths – as research tells us we are energised and absorbed when using our strengths, which provides a feel-good oomph and much deeper satisfaction in our work.

Yet the pursuit of the feel-good oomph can sometimes tip over into anxiety – and that’s when the critical small conversations can have such an impact on others and their mental health. How are you (I’m fine) – doesn’t cut the mustard here. We need to have the time to really listen in to our colleagues and read between the lines to ensure we all stay absorbed, engaged – in flow – and not drowning.

So, who are you going to take the time to talk to today that you weren’t planning to until now?