Im not failing, BUT i could be Better

What has worked for me in Self-Development?

I spend a vast amount of time listening to and reading self-improvement articles/advice and ebooks.

 It frustrates me because I am forever failing at a lot of what I read, not puuting into place certain obvious actions or not getting to where I want to be.

I feel at about 40% of where I want to be or could be, maybe less.

Looking on the positive though, A fair question would be:

“Where would I be if I DIDN’T read/listen to all this advice”.

The answer is, I do not know, but potentially a lot worse off in my personal and business life.

For me self-development is about:

·      Personal health, fitness, and mental wellbeing

·      Being in a loving and happy family and supporting them

·      Being in good and healthy relationships with friends and co-workers

·      Running good businesses that I enjoy working on

·      Financial security and freedom

I put “personal heath, fitness and wellbeing” first, because without it, the others are going to be harder to achieve.

I wanted to do a summary of what has worked for me in the hope that it helps someone else and that it reinforces me to keep doing more of the same.

What has worked for me?

1)     I have started every day with a cold shower for the last 90 days.

 I am at the point where it is a MUST more than a SHOULD and Is the first thing I do when getting out of bed. It is utterly brutal. It is 3 times harder to get in a cold shower straight from bed, rather than having one after a hot and sweaty exercise when the blood is pumping, but it wakes me up and gives me a sense of achievement every day.

2)     I drink a pint of water every morning and every evening around 6pm.

I get nothing from this in terms of pleasure but have done it now every day for a year or more. I drink more usually but these two pints of water are a must and I tie them in with taking a pill I need to take each day.

It does mean I get hydration and I pretty much “down” the water, just to get it done.

3)     I never stay stressed or worried for any length of time.

 I feel worry, stress and all other emotions but I don’t live with them for any time at all.

These emotions are there for a reason so to just ignore them would be foolish. I try to see the message they bring then rationalise that there is no other need for them and that I am only on this planet a certain amount of time and I do not want to spend it in those states.

I ask, “Am I doing all I can to address the issue?” and if yes “Bye Bye negative emotion.”

4)     I do not allow negative thoughts to pick away at my mind and I listen to how I think.

Follows on from above….. The subconscious is powerful and if I am not careful, I find myself hearing things like “you are a rubbish boss”, “you don’t stick to things,” and all kinds of inner beliefs that have built up over time.

I very quickly flip them round and get rid of them. I am very aware of what I tell myself and I do not let it be bad or negative for any time at all.

I also watch how I talk to myself.

i.e.

“I am going to give up” does not work as well for me as saying “Thank goodness i do not have to do that anymore.”

People gravitate to pleasure and away from pain. I want to avoid the feeling of loss when I give up something bad and more be relieved, I don’t have to do it anymore.

5)     Supporting my wife and kids.

I have a better understanding of what my wife needs and maybe what my kids need. People need different things and there is no one-fits-all. I do not project what i need but am aware of when my wife and kids are happier and try and help them do more of that.

What hasn’t worked for me at all:

1)     To-do lists.

I can write the biggest to-do list ever, I can organise it with all kinds of clever ways, use Basecamp or to-do apps, make it simple or make it look pretty. Fact is, I skim it to find what I want to do more and do not get them done.

2)     Taking on too much.

 I still do not say “no” enough, it means I can end up disappointing people and myself. I want to please people and it can have the opposite effect.

3)     Diets and healthy eating.

 I have fasted for 3 days, done 500/2000 and all kinds of different techniques but the fact is, I eat too much and drink too much at night. I go for the easiest food there not the best one. I am reasonably fit but not where I want to be.

4)     Time management.

 I still struggle with this. I have 1 or 2 days a week where I NAIL it, the other days I do not feel like I have achieved much. I want that productivity I have the days leading up to a holiday, but I don’t get it.

What I plan to do to change the above

1)     MUST DO List.

I am going to change my to-do list to a MUST DO list. I am only going to add things I MUST do on it, everything else will not be added.

My lists are too long and become an optional, not an essential. I end up overwhelmed.

Conclusion

That’s all I have….

I could add more to what I plan to change.

BUT…

 I have also learned I cannot make too many changes at once. I could write how I am going to exercise more, eat better, manage time better. I might still end up doing those things, but for now, I am just going to change the TODO’s to MUST DO’s then work on the rest when that is engrained in me.

Otherwise I find myself in an “all or nothing “mode where I am superb all round or rubbish all round and it is not sustainable.

I am a work in progress, like most of us. I imagine, I will never get to 100% or close but I will keep pushing to get better and that means dealing with setbacks and evaluating what works, what is important and where I want to be.

Please share what works for you! I love hearing sincere and honest advice from others.