I’m extraordinary and extraordinarily inept: Benefits of slowing down my brain

I am extraordinarily inept most often at the airport. I get on the wrong plane in foreign countries. I go through TSA security with a full bottle of water. I fall asleep at the XpressSpa massage chair and miss my flight. I show up for a flight at the wrong airport. I leave my iPad or laptop on the plane. This sucks for someone who travels 25 percent of the time.

To not hate myself, I make excuses that it’s because of my ‘hyper intelligence’. According to a Stanford study, “Forgetfulness is a tool of the brain.” In summary it says the failure for the brain to memorize mundane facts is because the brain is trying to conserve space, discard memories that are similar to others or simply not important. As a result it has more space for memories that matter. 

Yeah, that sounds good, right?

Candidly, I know my mind runs like I drive, wild and fast. My mind spins and flies at great speed in multiple directions at once, as I discard the insignificant and search for the meaningful.

During these last few years after my divorce, I realized I had to retool my life and be fully present to raise my sons, manage my home, grow my career and have quality relationships. I had to S..L..O..W down my brain.

My girlfriends all said yoga was the secret to cure my crazy.

 “It will quiet your mind and tone your body!” they mindfully cheered.

 Hell no! I don’t own any Lulu lemon clothing and don’t care how good my tuches looks in a downward dog position. For physical health, I’ll never give up running or dancing like a whirling dervish. Adrenaline is my drug.

 I had to find another way to quiet my mind.

 Fortunately, my first ‘boyfriend’ after my divorce showed me the way. He didn’t want to be called my boyfriend, since he technically was still married. But his wife was nowhere to be found since she kidnapped their two young daughters and ran away to a foreign country. He had plenty of nasty in his head he needed to quiet, so I thought I’d follow his lead.

 Shortly after we began dating, he took me to the Mexican Wine Country. Don’t turn your nose up at it! Valle de Guadalupe is fabulous. It was the first time we’d actually hung out for more than 12 hours together, so I wondered if I’d discover the other half of his Jekyll and Hyde. We stayed at Encuentro Guadalupe, an architecturally unique eco-friendly resort on a nature preserve. Each ‘room’ is its own structure etched into the hills. It was a serene sanctuary. Seemed promising.

 On our first morning I was curious how ‘Mr. Right Now’ would start our day. He didn’t have to bring me coffee, kiss me goodbye and rush to the office like most mornings. He instead awoke, kissed me softly, used the bathroom and returned to bed….to grab his cell phone and earbuds.

 I thought, “Excuse me! Rude! Aren’t we on our first romantic getaway?”

I took a deep breath and instead of being passive aggressive with an angry pout, I embodied the Jewish philosophy to give the benefit of the doubt and not judge.

 I snuggled up next to him and asked,

 “Whatcha listenin to honey?”

 “Oprah and Deepak Chopra.”

 “Ewwhh! That sounds like a bad Indian appetizer.”

 Ooops, I judged.

 He laughed, “It’s their 21 day meditation series. Each series is a different theme. I find it calming. I meditate each morning before you wake up, but we slept in today. If I don’t start my day meditating, I most likely will kill someone before sunset, and I still like you. You should try it. No offense, but you’re a little, well a lot, intense. It might mellow you out. Maybe you won’t forget your passport the next time we go to a foreign country,” he smiled sweetly.

“Fine. You’re so thoughtful!” I said with a sarcastic grimace. “I’ll do it, but can you fast forward through Oprah? I don’t find her voice calming. I still remember the Oprah book series. Every book she recommended made me want to slit my wrists.”

And so we meditated. And it was good. Maybe it was because I was on vacation, maybe it was the tranquil setting, maybe it was because there was no wifi or cell service, but I felt my mind moved more methodically, my focus was sharper and I was calm.

Now I’ve been listening to the 21 day meditation series for two and half years. I admit I’ve cheated on Chopra. I tried the hipster Headspace meditation app, but the British guy sounded too much like a creep with bad teeth trying to pick me up at a pub. Definitely not meditative. So I went back to Chopra.

I look forward to the readings that accompany each day’s centering thought and his recorded introduction to each meditation. I resonate with the themes of the series such as: ‘getting unstuck’, ‘miraculous relationships’, ‘become what you believe’ and ‘manifesting true success.’ I love the calming music in the background while I repeat the Sanskrit mantra of the day in my head. It takes 20 minutes daily. It’s worth it. It’s made me a better person. And I’ve learned to say Namaste and not feel like a fraud.

I was aware of meditation before, but I was unwilling to try it. I didn’t want to be seen as a JewBu - a Jewish Buddhist. I didn’t want to feel like I was cheating on my Jewish faith. I was stubborn. I convinced myself I liked being frenzied. I thought it made me seem busy and extraordinary. But people closest to me knew I had a chaotic mind.

 The person who knew my struggle best was also the one who could help me most. But she knew I wouldn’t listen until I was ready.

 My sister, Dr. Stefanie Goldstein and her husband Dr. Elisha Goldstein, are meditation experts, authors and the founders of The Center for Mindful Living in West Los Angeles. If I was a good sister I would have been listening to Stefanie’s meditations the last few years. But to me, her voice is still that of my annoying little sister.

 Watching me spiral with intensity after my divorce, Stefanie listened and loved me unconditionally. She never forced mindfulness meditation on me. She allowed me to come to it on my own, when she knew I would be most open to its benefits.

 Once I started, Stefanie shared the positive effects of meditation that have been scientifically proven over the last 30 years. Meditation slows you down, connects to yourself and enables you to listen to your inner wisdom. It helps you see situations more clearly and lessen your reactivity. I wish I had known sooner meditation also helps reduce depression, anxiety and increases feelings of well-being.

 Stefanie agrees a daily meditation practice of at least 20 minutes is best for lasting change. But she reminds me that even in the mid-day madness, taking one long slow intentional deep breath can change my mood, lessen my intensity, slow down my reactivity and help me gain greater clarity.    

She’s right. If you don’t meditate, you should try it. I know my mind needs it. Every day. Usually the days I skip it are when I have an early flight. I’ve even tried meditating in a Lyft, but my house is too close to the airport to get 20 minutes. So I'm frazzled.

My kids, employees and friends know when I haven’t meditated that morning. They avoid me. I’m cranky, frenetic and forgetful. Now I’m acutely aware of my energy and behavior.

If I skip my meditation in the morning, I try to find a place later to hide for 20 minutes to regain my center. Note: meditation while sitting on a toilet does not work – find a proper space to breathe.

I believe consistent meditation over time will release my need to be perceived as extraordinary and extraordinarily inept. I will no longer need to make excuses for my frenetic behavior because my mind has expanded and I’ve found peace in the quiet.

Namaste.

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