I'm Done With Polls

I'm giving up on polls. Apparently I'm not the only one. Some recent headlines:

CBS News: "What went wrong with the polls in 2016? Can we trust them now?"

PBS: "How to read the polls in 2020 and avoid the mistakes of 2016"

Reuters: "So what if Biden is up in the polls? Weren't they wrong last time?"

Here's the thing. It's become painfully obvious that whoever is being polled out there is not a fair representation of who's really voting. I mean, c'mon — these are people who still have landline phones! Any of us who have parents who still have landlines — and let's face it, they're the only ones who do — understands that they are not being supported by the telecom industry and barely function (the phones, not our parents). 

Then there's the little matter of the 2016 presidential election. Surely you recall that, according to The New York Times, FiveThirtyEight and everybody else, Hillary was supposed to have crushed Trump. We all know how that turned out. 

I've yet to come across one person who's been polled this election season. And I'll bet none of you know anybody who's been polled either. Again, who are these random citizens who are supposed to represent the opinions and the will of the majority of Americans?

It's not that polling couldn't work — it's just that the way it's done now clearly falls woefully short and is, therefore, useless. 

There is only one true presidential predictor, I believe, and it's called "The Mask Index." How's it work? Well, after Halloween, you count up the number of masks sold for each candidate that year, and the one that sold best will win the White House. It may sound silly, but it's unbiased and, as best as I can tell, it actually works. 

"The Mask Index" has been covered by the likes of CBS News, The Baltimore Sun and The New York Times. And as far as I can tell, the fact that it's been written about by some of the country's most reliable news organizations is the only thing it's got going against it.