I'm Choosing Me.

I’ve been going back and forth about how to talk about this, but I think it’s best to be transparent and honest.?

Y’all, I’ve been burned out these past few months in a really big way. Like, scary bad. I’ve studied burnout for almost 10 years now, so to say that I’m a bit embarrassed that it hit me so hard is an understatement, but it did.?

If you’ve ever heard me talk about burnout, you know that it’s not necessarily about working too many hours or having too much on your plate—it’s more about the socio-emotional stress that accompanies working too many hours and having too much on your plate. It’s about feelings of fairness, justice, belonging, feeling seen, and knowing your community supports you. It’s about trusting that the hours you put in matter and the people around you will support you through it, and burnout creeps in when that security isn’t there.

For me, it was not about my work, what I do, or how many hours I put in; it was about that deep feeling of dread that I wasn’t valued, seen, or supported by my community.?

It’s a bit of a mind-fuck to see and hear so many people discussing mental health when very little is done about it. It’s incredibly disheartening to build free resources that go completely unused. Even worse, it’s tears me up when someone PAYS for my services and doesn’t listen to or dismisses my empirically validated and evidence-based advice in favor of their comfort or maintaining their sense of control or power. Something I found myself saying over and over again was “please just let me help you!” and that’s just not healthy. Then attaching my feelings of worth around how many people or organizations I helped? That’s codependent.

I cannot force people to engage with this kind of work— even when they say they want to.?

I know there are a lot of successful people and organizations out there who build their businesses to fulfill those corporate and community check-boxes. They measure success in reach instead of impact. They’re ok doing the bare minimum without follow-up only to receive pats on the back. They relish in the chorus of “Thank you for all you do!” and “Keep up the good work!” Not necessarily hating on that—you do you.

That’s just not how I work, and that’s not how I feel good about my work.

My metric of success is impact. I’m more interested in actual change than accolades, likes, or shares. The best way to thank me for doing the work is for YOU to do the work. When we address cultural systems of well-being at work, I’m only here to guide you—it’s YOUR work to do, not mine.?

So I took some time away, stopped taking on and pursuing corporate clients, and started focusing lightly on coaching. I’ve found that coaching allows me to work directly with individuals who totally and completely want to be there, not just ticking a box. There is also a more immediate return when it comes to progress, which my heart desperately needs right now.?

This experience has also helped me to understand the processes of burnout in different ways. I’ve seen first hand how scary and truly dangerous it is. Shit got really really dark. I’ve experienced the way it creeps in, masquerading as passion and grit. Insidious little fucker, haha. And that’s not to say that I’ve never been burned out before, because I have, but this was so different. Like, you can read a book about climbing Everest, but that doesn’t mean you can actually climb Everest. The burnout I experienced before was like walking up Pike’s Peak—not easy, but not Everest. Now, I feel like I’ve climbed Everest, and sadly the books don’t do it justice.?

As I pull myself out of it by actively changing my circumstances and environment when and where I can, I’ve been able to build out a burnout prevention and recovery roadmap using the acronyms EMBERS and FLAMES. Its interventions have been validated over and over within the research literature, I’ve just organized it in such a way that can be easily adopted by anyone. The science was already there, I just innovated the delivery. It not only acts as a preventative tool, but a restorative one as well. I also love it because it captures the full scope of how and why we experience burnout— not just failing to complete the stress cycle or whatever nonsense people are saying nowadays. I feel more equipped to help clients through burnout than I ever have before. That feels really really good.

This has also prompted me to change how I approach my business. I’m prioritizing coaching, focusing on burnout and its causes, and only working with a few select corporate clients.?

I will not give more than my clients are willing to give. Since my metric of success is impact and not reach, that means I will be quite discriminatory when it comes to working with corporate clients. With that, I will no longer limit my services to the hospitality sector.?

What does this mean for my beloved hospitality industry? The industry I adore but has broken my heart over and over again? Well, it’s not the center of my business anymore. I won’t NOT work with hospitality, but you organization has to be both ready and worthy of my help. That might make me sound a bit like a dick, but I feel so wasted and squandered. You all had me—this incredible wealth of information, knowledge, and experience—and now I’m not going to give that as freely as I once did. It’s not a punishment—it’s my survival. My knowledge set has also grown so far beyond what most of the hospitality industry is ready for, and I don’t want to die on the vine. I need to stay sharp, and sadly, the state of the hospitality industry will only continue to shrink me.

My research will remain focused on the hospo sector, for now, just because it’s so cool.

If you want my help, we can utilize coaching to strategize how we can get your organization to a place where you’ll be able to receive what I have to give. Sound fair?

I will continue working with clients I already have. I’m grateful for you. I adore you. Thank you for being a shining beacon of light in all this.?

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for investing your time and energy into my feelings and experiences. If you need help, please feel free to reach out and we can decide together what that looks like.?

Cheers to better days and stronger relationships,

Laura