I'm not the Best Father But...

I do not think I am a good father. This is not being self-deprecating. It's most likely true. I have five kids (two biological, and three step-kids) and I love them all very much and I think or hope the feelings are returned.?

But it's very difficult to be a parent. When I was younger I never really wanted kids. I always thought?it would get in the way of pursuing "dreams". Whatever those are. But I am glad that I have kids and that they all managed to survive into adulthood without serious jail time.?

I miss the ages when they were between six and 13. Those are the best years. Parents reading this will understand why.?

And now that they?are older, I try to return calls. I love laughing with them. But sometimes it's hard. I'm not good at returning messages. I make the effort, though, and when I talk to them I am very happy.?

Every day, at least one kid has a problem. And I never give advice. But I tell stories and I listen and hopefully one or the other helps them. Or not. Since everyone has to go through their unique set of problems.?

I like to live by example. Because I have some things to say to them. But I know through many experiences that nobody ever listens to anyone so giving advice directly is a bad idea.?

Here's what I'd like to say:?

A) Do what YOU do, not what THEY do.?

If someone tells you, "get As in your classes. You could be a writer / artist / entrepreneur later". Then don't listen to them.?There is no later.

If someone tells you "you can't do that" then it just means they can't do it. You do you.

"But it's good to have something safe to fall back on," a child will say back to me.?

Why are you so worried, honey, of something "safe" to fall back on?

Fall back on your skills and your loves. Those are the things that will keep you raptured.?

The time to take risks is now because "later" will never exist. It's always now and you don't want to waste it.?

B) You're the average of the five people around you BUT:?

- you are the average of the five pieces of content you consume

?- the average of your five favorite foods

?- the average of the five things that inspire you

?- the average of the five things you think about the most

Last year, I was doing an Instagram Live every day about Covid and the news. I had to do a lot of research every day to figure out what was fact versus fear.?

I never read a single news article for the ten years prior. People said to me then, "But aren't you uninformed?" No, I was never uninformed. I knew exactly everything I needed to know.?

Then when I started doing these Instagram Lives my intent was to help people understand all of this confusing news that was coming out. All of the news designed to make people afraid.?

I ended up feeling depressed and irritable from it all. "Why would they write this!?" "You have to be kidding me!"?

It added up. I added it up. With my mental calculator. I felt like the world was a bad place and I became depressed because I was the average of the content I was consuming.?

Don't do it.?

C) The way you do anything is the way you do everything.?

It's almost a cliche to say "Make your bed" as advice to be a good person.?

"Making your bed" is practice. Practice in being clean. Practice in discipline. Practice in spending time for yourself instead of being grasped immediately into the strong tide of the rushing day.?

I read a story recently (and I'm sorry, I forgot where I read it) about the British rowing team for the Olympics. They had not won any medals since 1912.?

For an entire year, for every choice they made, "Will this help the boat go faster?" "Will this donut help the boat go faster?" "Will this party make the boat go faster?" And then, of course, they won the silver medal.?

[Ahh, I remember where I read it. From Benjamin Hardy's book, "The Gap and the Gain". Read it.]

So I do it now. Not just for small goals ("Will playing one minute chess make me a better chess player?" Answer: NO!) But for everything. "Will callling my children make me a better person, a less stressed person?" ANSWER: YES.?

Do it.?

D) Peace

My son told me a story. One Christmas during World War I, the British and the Germans were in their trenches and each side started singing Christmas carols for each other.?

Later that day they called a truce so they could play soccer. A British barber cut hair for both sides. They exchanged coffee and cigarettes with each other. "I wouldn't trade that day for anything," one soldier wrote home.?

There was peace and deep down these young 18 year olds touched the truth about war, even if they had to return to the lie later.?

Right now, many households have parent against child, brother against brother. People don't speak to each other because of the most stupid, base issues.?

If two countries at war can stop to shake hands. So can two people who are in a family. So can two people who don't agree on something that will be long forgotten. So can two people who have experienced many loving moments only to be outweighed by something trivial.?

You are all brothers and sisters.?

Do it.?

(josie and mollie)

I can give other advice. But this sums it all up. I wish someone had told me to dream big instead of living small. To fly kites higher while my feet remained on the ground. To take care of myself before carving out my soul for others.?

But live and learn.?

Do it.?

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(and three new ones added! - John, Lily, Sarah)