I'm an addict (Part 2)

Last week I wrote an article on how I am addicted to certain things and how these addictions have, at times, shaped areas of my life through some of the actions I’ve taken.

Therefore, I thought it would be good to talk about some of those actions, with the aim to try and share some thoughts and strategies that have helped me take a bit of control back.

As I mentioned previously, what initially helped was finally admitting that I had a problem around my reactionary and emotional thinking. From this, I came to the realisation that awareness and ownership was key if I truly wanted things to change.

The next thing I began to understand and appreciate, was having people in my circle, that could speak up and challenge me on my ideas and general decision making.

Now this was a tough pill to swallow at first, as I’m not the best with committees, but these are people who I completely respect and trust, so surely their thoughts and opinions must matter, right?

I guess the way I saw it was, it wasn’t about being agreeable or people pleasing, it was about one thing - what was best for the business.

But I would say this.?From experience, just tread carefully when you’re challenging someone, as you’ll get nowhere if you handle this badly, as that’s a lesson I’ve learnt many times.

Anyway, once this was firmly in place, we started to develop a culture where people felt comfortable and could be honest with each other. And suddenly everything started to change.

Interestingly, my listening skills were finally working, and I said less, which was never a bad thing.?Looking back, I seemed to be brilliant at listening to my clients, but bloody awful at listening to our people!

So interesting, as my listening and curious nature grew more and more, our decision-making process slowed right down.?I suppose that happens in companies, when businesses grow to the next level, as everything needs to evolve to meet the next challenge, including me.

In truth, it took time. As previously mentioned, committees aren’t my thing, but after a while this felt comfortable for me, and I really started to like being challenged more and more. If certain decisions we took felt rushed or ill conceived, they were tested, and pushed back on.

Look, no one likes to hear the words “you’re wrong!” Especially me.

But every now and again, we need to hear this as it makes you check in and question your initial reaction, which could save you a lot of time and money.

Eventually this became a breakthrough moment and one I’ll never forget, as people genuinely are your business's greatest asset.

I read the following line sometime back and it this sums it up perfectly, “Most of the answers to your problems are in your business, you just need to ask the right questions.” I really like that!

I’ve 100% learnt to use these important assets, as what’s the point of having great people, if you’re not going to listen to them?

Remember, you don’t have to agree with them, or follow their advice, but just listen, reflect, and then make your decision.

So, we’ve covered a couple of things here, including owning it and learning to listen to the people within your circle.?So, what’s next?

Now, I’m not one for relying on other people to bail me out, especially when it’s my fault.

So, the next part was to try to change and control my behaviour.

This is going to be easy, as I’m great, right??If only !

Through coaching, reading and of course my favourite - reflecting on when things have gone badly wrong, my next task was to create some boundaries and a set of rules with myself.?Oh dear, I hate rules!

But nevertheless, I thought, I’ll give it a go.?

So, I came up with a set of rules, some do’s and don’ts, if you like, which I made myself follow as much as physically possible.?It was like my life depended on it, as I needed to change, big time!

I also tried to temper and control my unwanted cravings and compulsions, as much as humanly possible, as these feelings would come over me like waves, one after another.

This took longer than expected and wasn’t easy at all, as it felt unnatural at first.?Like swimming against the tide.

After around 6 months though, everything had changed.

I felt more confident, and more in control. Plus, I was happier.

Hallelujah!!!?Green light moment.?(I nicked that saying from the Matthew McConaughey book)

So, although I love the chase and the highs, the biggest change I made is falling in love and becoming obsessed with some of the boring, monotonous stuff, as I’d started to witness the positive effect it had on my success.

It’s like Daniel-San waxing those bloody cars in Karate Kid.?It challenges your patience and persistence to accomplish one task at a time, and to be mindful of your distractions and desires; to do something else, which is far more interesting.

The obvious problem is that this is clearly very dull, and even the words, process, structure, and rules sound so flipping boring to read.

But trust me, forget your energy fuelled outcomes, these little gems are the real game changers. However, many opt out too soon and jump for the next shiny thing which takes their fancy.?

Listen to me…all smug and reformed like I know what I’m talking about. Yeah right!

I’m quite late to this one but I’ve just finished my latest book, Atomic Habits by James Clear and James explains this point quite well. These mind numbing, little beauties are what highly successful people follow and preach. It’s almost a religion to them and the process is their god.

If you haven’t read it already, please give it a go, as it’s quite insightful. In truth, most of what is in the book, we’ve heard many times, but if we’re really, really honest, most of us just don’t do it!

James articulates key things brilliantly and definitely hammers the point home. He argues that being successful is not just about goals, it’s about creating winning habits and processes, which shape your skills and mindset through the practice of repetition.

He goes on to explain that by us mastering these vital skills and behaviours it leads to long term, prolonged success.

An example of this is Ronaldo. We see him score that free kick from an impossible angle, but we don’t see the 1000s of hours that it took him to perfect this talent.

I’m no Ronaldo, (wish I were!) but I genuinely do a lot of the things mentioned in the book, from sticking to task and to now being obsessed about the monotonous processes.?I guess the trick is to get obsessed about the right thing!

But the bigger question is, how do we combat the boredom factor? As I pointed out, most of us give up something for more easy and exciting things.

In truth I don’t know the answer to that question. All I know is, if I hadn’t created these habits, I would have failed a long time ago, or at best I’d be jumping from one fad to another.

Almost everyone in business that I’ve met, myself included, has walked this well-trodden path of jumping from one idea to another, before they finally realised, success can be achieved in a simpler way.

Let me level with you, many of the things in this book are still a work in progress for me and it’s a daily battle to keep on track.

For instance, I’ve found a way to manage my patience around short term failures, as I now see it as just part of the process, as I understand, the journey is infinite.

But let’s be honest here, we are recruiters, so I’m not suggesting that we suddenly become Tibetan monks living in a world of zen!?These fast-paced desires go hand in hand with our business sector.?I’m simply saying be mindful and understand the impact of too much pleasure seeking.

This is so flipping hard, and I appreciate that it’s difficult to go against your natural instincts, but I guess it’s a balancing act of personal coaching and behaviour regulation, which must come from you and no one else.

By continuous management of these desires and compulsions, like me, you’ll soon realise that thinking this way can take away your focus of what’s important.

If you need to remove unwanted temptation, then do it as it’s worked for me, as I couldn’t be trusted.

So, if you can, try to delay your instant cravings for quick, thrill-seeking successes and adopt this way of thinking. It’s a starting point.

I’ve definitely learnt that the business world is full of wonderful opportunities and ideas that inspire us to take action. However,?at certain times you need to let these things go.

It’s not that you’re less entrepreneurial, you’ve simply worked out what’s more important at that particular cycle in your business. And, when you combine this with the pain of commercial failure, you’ll soon make the change, as I did, as success, and failure, leaves clues.