I'm $500 sorry

I heard a strange sound outside, something I couldn’t recognize and had never heard before. As I pulled back the curtains to investigate, I realized it was the sound of my 19 year old brother crying.

I overheard him explain to our parents that his tools had been stolen from the trunk of his car. This was especially devastating because he was a mechanic, and these were the tools of his trade - how he made a living.

He had saved and scrimped through High School to buy top of the line tools – and now they were gone. He was beside himself; he’d lose his job; it would take him years to replace them.

“I’m so sorry,” I heard my mom say, genuinely feeling for my brother, and “we’ll certainly keep you in our prayers.”

My dad offered him to “use any of my tools in the meantime, if it would be of help.”

He left and returned a couple of hours later in decidedly more upbeat spirits. “Hey, you seem to be doing better,” I observed.

“I just had dinner over at my Father-in-Laws house,” he said. “That must have been some dinner,” I quipped.

“It wasn't the meal, he said.

“We were sitting there eating, and I’m explaining what happened and my Father-in-Law gets up, doesn’t say a word, excuses himself and goes upstairs. Moments later he returns with a white envelope and slides it across the table to me. I looked at Melissa, and she looked back at me with the same puzzled expression. As I opened the envelope, I saw five $100 bills.

Shocked, I looked up at him and he said, ‘Darren, I know this will only make a small dent in your situation – but it’s important for me to let you know . . . I’m not sorry.’

I’m $500 sorry.

I just sat there, staring at him, trying to process what just happened. I didn’t understand . . . until I did.”

My brother explained to me everybody says, ‘they’re sorry,’ and many say, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ but rare is the person who shows through actions the sincerity of how they feel.

Think about it for a second. Things have to be pretty bad for most people to get the courage, or feel humble enough, to ask for help. Pride is a strong emotion, and many go to extremes to avoid negative feelings associated with needing or asking for help.

So, if we know this, why do we offer the hollow “if you need anything let me know?” It’s become our “go-to” phrase, said to make ourselves feel good, knowing we’ll most likely never be asked do anything. This is truly lame on a variety of levels.

First, in their hour of need, we’ve shifted the responsibility onto them, to get back in touch with us, which we’ve already established ain’t going to happen!

Second, what we’re really saying is “I’m too lazy, ambivalent or uncreative to actually do anything meaningful to show the genuineness of my words.”

Let's change that going forward.

Next time, and every time, someone tells us something that would normally generate an “I’m sorry, or, my thoughts and prayers are with you”, instead immediately let our creative gears churn on what we can do.

Don’t ask what you can do, just do something. Whether it’s baking cookies, giving financial help, writing a heartfelt note, showing up unannounced to babysit kids or hang Christmas lights.

It doesn’t matter what you do — just that you do!

In a world of uncertainty, turmoil, selfishness and suffocating negativity there are plenty of heartfelt words and prayers to be offered – but nothing is as meaningful as the act of being $500 sorry.