The Illusion of Control: Embracing the Chaos

Have you ever found yourself tangled up in the web of trying to control every aspect of your life? I have!

The idea of control is a tantalising concept that's often purported as the key to success and happiness. Spoiler alert: It's not all it's cracked up to be.

The Great Control Myth

I have heard (haven't we all?) the advice a million times: "Focus on what you can control and let go of what you can't." Sounds great, right? A self-help mantra that’s supposed to bring peace and order to our chaotic lives. But the kicker for me – what can we actually control?

The answer is a bit disappointing when we dig into it.

Think about your thoughts and feelings. Can you control them? Not really. If you’ve ever tried to stop thinking about something, you know that often leads to thinking about it even more.

Our emotions are even more slippery, popping up uninvited and often sticking around longer than we’d like.

Influence vs. Control

Now, don’t get me wrong. While we might not have control, we do have influence. An important distinction. I can influence the outcome of a meeting by preparing well and showing up with a positive attitude. I can influence my client's decisions by providing excellent service and building a good reputation.

But at the end of the day, I can't control the final result.

Yesterday I was helping a client prepare for a very important fire-side on Wednesday. We rehearsed how she might answer the questions, exploring her intent, her CTA (what she wanted the audience to think, feel or do), the feeling she wanted to convey; everything.

I finished with the proverbial line: "Remember let go of the desire to control."

The Delusion of Control

The notion that we can control certain things is, in itself, a delusion. It’s a comforting thought that we can bend the world to our will, but reality always has other plans.

This delusion is often sold to us as a way to gain value, confidence, or a sense of direction. However, the truth is, we’re constantly navigating through a sea of uncertainties.

Take business planning, for instance. We make decisions based on assumptions and predictions, but these are just educated guesses. Perhaps well-educated. Sure, we may have had years and years of experience. But we really don't know what the market will do, how competitors will react, or what new challenges might arise.

Because the alternative to the idea of control is uncertainty; the unknown. A black hole of nothingness. And we have led ourselves to believe this is scary.

Acceptance: The Key to Freedom

But it doesn't have to feel this way. What’s the alternative? Acceptance. Accepting that we are not in control can be incredibly liberating.

This doesn't mean giving up or resigning ourselves to fate. Acceptance is about acknowledging reality as it is, without the need to bend it to our will.

When I have embraced this mindset, I have reduced stress, anxiety and overwhelm. And produced better results. No longer obsessed with trying to control the uncontrollable.

Isn't it ironic that there’s so much advice about letting go of control, yet it’s something we can't really control either? The whole process of trying to let go can itself become a new form of control. It’s like telling someone to relax – it usually has the opposite effect!

The trick is to stop striving for control altogether. Accept the messiness of life. Embrace the uncertainty. When we do this, we stop wasting energy on the impossible task of controlling everything and start living more authentically.

Living with Intent

I suggest, living with intent is different from trying to control everything. Intent is about how you decide to show up in the world. It's about your values, your actions, and your mindset. While you can't control the outcomes, you can choose how you engage with life.

Intent can guide your actions without the pressure of control. Whether you’re in a business meeting, giving a talk, or simply living your daily life, acting with intent means you’re purposeful, even when the results are out of your hands.

Embrace the Chaos

Life is unpredictable, and that's what makes it exciting. Instead of clinging to the illusion of control, let's embrace the chaos.

Let's influence what we can accept what we can't, and live with intent and authenticity.

In doing so, we might just find ourselves less stressed, more connected, and ultimately happier.

So, here's to accepting the wild ride of life and enjoying every unexpected turn along the way!