The Illusion of Accountability Partners: Why True Motivation Trumps External Support

When it comes to achieving your goals, the concept of having an accountability partner has picked up a lot of steam over the past few years.?

The idea behind it seems like it has some legs – having someone to check in with, share progress, and keep each other on track. But if you look at it a little closer, it becomes apparent that the concept of an accountability partner often falls short of the benefits people think it’s going to deliver.?

In this blog post, we’ll dive into why having an accountability partner rarely, if ever, works for people trying to achieve a specific goal.?

We’ll take a look at misaligned commitment levels, the desire to shift responsibility, and the fundamental need for intrinsic motivation render this approach ineffective.?

Ultimately, we will uncover why the only genuine path to positive change and achievement lies in having a strong personal motivation.

Misaligned Commitment Levels

The start of looking for an accountability partner happens with the belief that you don’t want it bad enough for yourself or that you’re not the type of person who actually achieves what they set out to do.

It stands to be reasonable that anyone you tag as an accountability partner also believes they don’t want it bad enough for themselves or that they aren’t the type of person who actually achieves what they set out to do either.??

Or maybe one of you is on it and the other is not.

One of the key reasons why accountability partnerships tend to fail is the misalignment of commitment levels between the individuals involved.?

While you might want something so bad you can taste it, your accountability partner might not share the same level of commitment. This imbalance leads directly to? frustration and resentment, because you’re constantly having to drag the other person along.?

The energy you expend trying to motivate your partner can quickly zap your own momentum and enthusiasm. This emotional toll can slow your progress way down and will leave you both stranded in a cycle of stagnation.

Desire to Transfer Responsibility

Just for a second, I’ll have you consider you really don’t want accountability in the first place.? What you really want is the ability to transfer responsibility if things don’t go the way you want them to.

This by itself is a significant flaw in the accountability partner concept.?

Lots of people look for accountability partners not as a means of genuine support, but rather as a way to shift blame in case they fail to achieve their goals.

Let’s say you’re a business leader trying to level up your client acquisition game.? For your business, you know that means making a lot of outbound sales calls which you happen to hate.? Despite that, you commit to making 20 outbound calls a week.? You don’t trust yourself to do it so you recruit a fellow business leader as an accountability partner and tell him not to let you leave your office on Friday until you’ve made 20 calls.??

Your accountability partner doesn’t want to be an asshole, so he lets you slide the first week.? The second week, he takes Friday off and doesn’t check in.? Two weeks go by and you haven’t made the outbound calls you said you would.? It’s your fault, but you probably want to blame the other person for not holding you accountable.?

In cases like this, the accountability partner becomes a scapegoat, conveniently blamed for not providing adequate support or motivation.?

This approach absolves the individual from taking personal responsibility for their actions and results, ultimately hindering their growth and progress.

Intrinsic Motivation vs. External Support

The crux of the issue with accountability partners lies in their reliance on external support to drive change.?

If you’re after true and lasting change, it’s got to be fueled by intrinsic motivation – a compelling reason that comes from inside you.?

Having an accountability partner might give you a temporary push, but without a genuine and profound reason to change, the external push will eventually lose steam.?

When the going gets tough (and it always gets tough) it's your inner motivation that keeps you going, not the presence of another person. It's important to recognize that external factors can't replace the internal fire that propels you toward your goals.

The Power of Personal Motivation

Positive change and achievement require a deep, personal, and compelling inspiration.? This is different from motivation.

Motivation is being driven by an outside force.? Picture running from the cops.? The compelling forces are temporary and give you a burst of energy before you run out.??

Inspiration is being driven by an inside force.? Picture the future version of yourself who has the house, cars, body and relationships you really want.? This compelling force lasts and never runs out of energy.??

The inspiring force acts as a driving force that propels you forward even in the absence of external support.?

When your reason for pursuing a goal is powerful enough, you tap into a deep place of determination and resilience that enables you to bust through obstacles, setbacks, and self-doubt.?

It doesn’t matter if this takes the form of finally getting fit, adding a couple zeros to your bank account or learning a new skill, your personal inspiration acts as the foundation upon which success is built.

Moving Toward Intrinsic Motivation

If all I did was write about how having an accountability partner doesn’t help you achieve what you want to achieve, then I’m not really helping, am I???

You now know that intrinsic motivation (aka “inspiration”) is the only thing that’s going to propel you forward in the long term.? But how do you get inspired if you don’t currently have any inspiration???

It’s a journey that demands self-discovery and introspection.? Here are a few steps to get you started.

1. Define what you want - Most people aren’t truly clear on what they want for themselves.? Instead, they have vague answers at best like “I want to be wealthy” or “I want to get fit.”? Getting inspired by either of those is tough because there isn’t a clear picture of what they look like, which means there is nothing for your mind to wrap itself around.??

2. Figure out why it matters you get what you want - If your goal is big enough (which it should be), it’s going to be hard to achieve.? When it gets difficult, you’re going to want to quit because you’ll start telling yourself the story that it wasn’t so bad back where you started.? You’ll need a very strong reason why getting what you want matters to push yourself through those times.

3. Connect Emotionally - Everybody wants to treat themselves well.? The only question is which version of themselves do they want to treat well?? There are only two options here.? You can treat the current version of yourself well by taking the easy route and avoiding any pain or difficulty.? Or, you can treat the future version of yourself well by doing the hard thing now.? The trouble is you only have an emotional connection with your current self.? If you love the current version of yourself more than the future version of yourself, it makes it even harder to do hard things now.??

Let’s Wrap It Up

While the concept of having an accountability partner might seem promising on the surface, its effectiveness is often limited by the misalignment of commitment levels, the desire to shift responsibility, and the absence of inspiration.?

The true path to positive change and achievement lies in finding a deep and personal inspiration that drives you forward even when the world seems like it’s against you.?

By connecting with your innermost desires and anchoring your goals to your core values, you can unlock a tons of determination that carries you through challenges and propels you toward success.?

So, instead of relying on external accountability, focus on finding your own inspiration and watch as you pull the results of the future into the now.