'I'll be happy when x, y, z happens...' - The danger of conditional happiness.
What is happiness??
The Oxford Dictionary definition states happiness is ‘the state of being happy.’ - This could mean anything, for each and every one of us;? For me, happiness is when I am at most peace internally and mentally.?
What is conditional happiness?
"Conditional happiness is?when you need to satisfy a condition in order to be happy." We have all fallen victims, and are still victim to conditional happiness, especially in our careers. Do you ever find yourself saying ‘I’ll be happy when I am a millionaire’, ‘I’ll be happy when I have gotten that promotion’ , ‘I'll be happy when i receive x y z recognition’ , we find ourselves constantly rushing to find any sort of happiness and sending ourselves crazy through attaching different forms of conditions looking for the peaceful feeling.?
Now think about it, if you constantly attach your life to a condition that will allow you some form of happiness or peace, you soon start realising the finish line will never come as it is constantly moving, and therefor you will never feel satisfied and you will never arrive at your destination of happiness because of this.
Having this conditional mindset will only set you back and keep you stuck in the same cycle, which is unfortunate because life is short. We deserve to literally live our best life, have the happiest careers, enjoy present moments, and feel peace. The conditional mindset forces you to live a life with regrets, all because you put yourself in the position of chasing these conditions, which causes you to lose sight of what is in front of you.
I also believe this is where gratitude comes in, if you start seeing what you have as a blessing, then this chase for happiness will fade away. Express gratitude for every thing you have and every moment you experience, this includes hardship and loss; just know there is always someone less fortunate than you. As a Muslim, I have learnt, if I find myself complaining that I have not got enough shoes, I remember there is one out there who has no feet, the one who cannot walk. This is enough for me to humble myself and express immense gratitude, and no longer attach my happiness to materialism.?
Furthermore, It is important to learn how to let things come to you; that includes people, career goals, financial success, you name it, let it come to you. Learn how to be abundant, allow yourself to accept things for what they are, and accept yourself for who you are, and learn that comparison is the biggest killer of joy.?The moment you accept the present, you will allow yourself and your soul eternal freedom.
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Ask? yourself one question, every time you have set a conditional goal that you assume will result in some sort of happiness, has it resulted in that? have you ever truly been happy after accomplishing the goal? Or was the happiness temporary?
Let’s stop painting happiness with a destination, and let’s start painting happiness with who we want to be, a life we aspire to have, and gratitude we aspire to feel. If we start seeing happiness as a way of life, then everything will unfold; because we now no longer envision happiness with a career, or person, or a materialistic item. Merely we envision happiness as ‘this is who i am, this is my way of life, peace and simplicity.’
In addition, let's start living in the present… one of my favourite philosophers Alan watts expressed “What keeps us from happiness, is our inability to fully inhabit the present”, do not look at the past as the past has already been and gone, and do not dwell on the future, as the future is yet to come, focus on today, your choices today build your future self, your choices today will determine your happiness.
Lastly, I will leave you with this... always remember that you control your daily choices, how you react to anything is your choice, who you choose to be today is also your choice, your happiness is also your choice;?Therefore, choose wisely, live in the present, do not force your life and have faith.
You owe yourself the utmost happiness and peace. Trust yourself on this journey and everything will come to you.
My tips for overcoming the conditional syndrome:
Wise words, Asia! ????