Ikigai- My Reason for Being

1 The four dimensions of Ikigai. Source: Toronto Star, diagram by Mark Winn.

Reason for Being

The Japanese term that translates roughly to ‘’reason for being’’.

A delicate equilibrium between passion, talent, and financial abundance. An almost utopic career that is found at the intersection of the convergence of one’s talent, with one’s passion and what the world is willing to pay for the manifestation of this idealistic vocation.

While for some, reaching the Ikigai state is obvious and straightforward, for most it is not. It is a thought-provoking process that requires deep reflection, brutal self-honesty, exploration and lots of experimentation.

Ever since I was around 16 years old when education got serious in preparation for university admission, I felt lost. An existential frustration occupied my thoughts as I struggled to choose subjects that would admit me to a ‘superior’ college leading to ‘better employment prospects’ rather than picking the things I truly cared about.

The struggle of heart versus mind.

My heart wanted to live a life of meaning and consequence. My mind wanted a stable career.

My heart wanted a reason to wake up in the morning. My mind wanted to enjoy the lifestyle that came along with money.

My heart wanted passion and purpose. My mind wanted structure and routine.

My heart wanted my happiness. My mind wanted the happiness of society.

My heart wanted to leave no one behind. My mind wanted to leave me behind.

My heart ached for social systems. My mind was fixated on individuals.

My heart gravitated towards social sciences. My mind was anchored in medicinal sciences.

My heart persisted with emotions. My mind rebelled with logic.

My heart surrendered. My mind succeeded.

I was defeated.

The After-Math

I graduated high school and decided to do my Bachelors in Oral and Dental Surgery.

This was a contrast to all the things I truly cared about and was good at. I loved fashion, styling, the English language, travelling, shopping, reading, writing, and leadership.

I loved helping people while being completely detached from them and including others.

I put my heart on the shelf.

And locked my fashion away.

I then indulged in becoming an imposter in my own skin.

‘’I developed a routine where I was so busy and overwhelmed that I did not have the time or energy to find the right balance between my seemingly conflicting goals.’’

However, I always felt I was not where I needed to be. That I was missing a puzzle piece that I could never put my finger on.

My Ikigai was buried beneath my internal chaos.

Being competitive by nature, I studied hard and did well academically and clinically.

But my competitiveness could not salvage my worsening psychology.

I was constantly tired, the kind of tired that sleep does not fix.

I was constantly sad, the kind of sad that crying does not fix.

And I was constantly withdrawn and detached, the kind of detached that friends cant fix.

Only I could fix me.

The Self-Repair.

Exploration is the first step to repair. Similar to how a broken item would be repaired, or how a sick person begins a treatment process, every doctor knows the first step to treating a patient is examination and taking a good history.

I listened to my heart that I had ruthlessly broken. I took a history. I traced the fracture lines. I apologized to myself. I then took action.

I started to engage in student organizations and to volunteer in my community to pursue and explore my interests.

After volunteering for two organizations related to educating poor children and the inclusion of disabled in society, I realized I wanted to do something related to community development.

‘’I just wanted to make sure, nobody was left behind. Regardless of the context. ‘’

I studied Public Health. I explored refugee studies, burn injuries, oral health, and disabilities.

I did not find my Ikigai.

I did find a common denominator though.

The desire to include minorities.

A few jobs later.

A few attempts later of acting roles that were not written for me.

Countless thoughts and experiences later.

I did not find my Ikigai.

But, I found a valuable lesson which is that to discover my Ikigai I must first find what I am most passionate about. Then, I should find the medium through which I can use to express that passion.

‘’Passion leads to purpose. Not as I had initially perceived that purpose leads to passion.’’

Fast-Forward

I now work at the United Nations. Which is a sentence that still gives me goosebumps saying, writing, and reading . It feels surreal. My work is centered on crisis response and climate resilience. I would be lying if I said that these are elements of work I always deeply cared about.

Truth be told, these areas of work are not particularly meaningful to me in and of themselves.

‘’What I am passionate about is helping people live up to their highest potential.’’

This is what gets me out of bed and to wholeheartedly deliver, while I continue the quest to find my ‘Ikigai’.