Ignoring Expectations: Forging Your Own Path

Ignoring Expectations: Forging Your Own Path

Pressures of the Past:?

??????????? Society has told women who and what to be for generations. The narrative stayed consistent for hundreds of years. Women were considered the softer, weaker gender. Tasked with duties like childbearing, cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the home. Women were also teachers for many years, before public schools became normalized. They were important to the inner workings of society; without them future generations would not be successful, and no one would be cared for. Even with all the necessary contributions women made, they were not valued nearly as highly as men. It wasn’t until the early 1900’s that every state passed laws granting women the right to ownership of land and assets, before this time everything a woman owned or inherited would become their husband’s property after marriage, including the woman herself (Diefendorf). While the vision of women has changed over time, the weight of societal pressure still presses down.?

Pressures of the Present:?

??????????? There’s no denying that we have come a long way since the early 1900s. We have a female Vice President, female CEO’s, famous female athletes, and more female leaders than ever before. The doors that have been opened by those who have come before us are inspiring. They’ve inspired many to start their own businesses, apply for positions they never thought they could be capable of, and to blaze more trails in the professional world. It’s incredible seeing what women are capable of when given a platform to achieve, but with this achievement comes a whole new sense of pressure. Women are encouraged to enter the professional world, but still be home enough to take care of their children, while being present enough at work to advance. To do it all and have it all. If our dreams and goals are different than this, if we dream of motherhood, we’re underachievers. We’re setting women back and contributing to the sexist belief that women belong in the household. However, if our husbands can financially support us, women are idolized on social media for their lifestyles as stay at home wives/mothers, but God forbid a woman prioritizes wealth when looking for a partner.?

Finding Your Path:?

You may be asking yourself, if we’re criticized either way, what’s the right answer? Well, there isn’t one, I mean not by society's standards. There will always be those who will criticize you for your dreams and desires, what matters is whether you allow societal pressures to influence you. Professor Meera Shanker wrote an insightful article tackling a similar issue and offered some advice on how to cope with societal pressures. The most impactful piece of advice in my opinion is to form a community (Shanker). A community of other women who have similar goals and aspirations as you do. Having a sense of community benefits your mental health significantly, feeling supported in your endeavors makes you believe in yourself, but it also gives you a sense of security that if you fail, you have people who will love and support you no matter what (SSM). Community comes in all different forms, it could be your big group of good friends, your family, teachers, coaches, teammates, or anywhere or any group you feel you can safely belong to. Think of how many times you have fallen back on your community. I know personally, whenever I experience a setback or loss, or anytime I’m not feeling myself, being around those who understand me always helps me gain perspective.?

When the pressure that society puts on you turns into pressure that you put on yourself, you need people there to pull you out of your own thought spiral. Find those people, people who value you and your ambitions, who understand your emotions and struggles, and who will be there to support you. Find the people who you can be effortlessly yourself with, and struggle through the ups and downs, the contradictions, and all the confusions that womanhood and life bring.?

The Freedom to Choose:?

??????????? The hardest part of finding your way can often be the limitations you put on yourself. As you continue towards your career/journey, ask yourself if what you’re moving towards is fulfilling what you really want. Not what you believe you should want, or what others want for you, but what your true goals are for your life. When you look out over the next thirty years, where do you see yourself? Are the decisions you’re making today paving the way for that future? If the answer is no, give yourself the freedom to choose a new path. Risks can be scary and intimidating, but they can sometimes be the only way to make a change. Don’t live your life based on the standards someone else has set for you, free yourself from those restrictions and live a life that moves towards your end goal every day. Whether it’s motherhood, career success, independent traveling, or a quiet life in a countryside, don’t let anyone past, present, or future tell you what you can or cannot achieve.

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Works Cited

Diefendorf, Tess. “Celebrating Because of Her Story: Smithsonian’s Groundbreaking American Women’s History Initiative.” Case Foundation, 29 May 2019, casefoundation.org/blog/celebrating-because-of-her-story-smithsonians-groundbreaking-american-womens-history-initiative/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAuNGuBhAkEiwAGId4akBl0HS-lF-Mhpb4GV0MBvAMHJ8wybzKEV7ZW5C-rJPDXnaioU6M5RoCBR8QAvD_BwE.

Shanker, Prof. (Dr.) Meera. “Beneath the Surface: The Silent Struggle of Societal Pressures on Women’s Mental Well-Being.” LinkedIn, 8 July 2023, www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/beneath-surface-silent-struggle-societal-pressures-womens-shanker.

SSM - Population Health. “Relationship between Sense of Community Belonging and Self-Rated Health across Life Stages.” National Library of Medicine , www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7585135/.