Ignorance is Blessed

The methyl methacrylate alarm clock speaker engages the polypropylene speaker and starts to play my usual wakeup music. I look over and see the gallium arsenide LED that flashes 6:30am. My polyester duvet once again did a great job of keeping me cozy and warm through the night. I throw it off and firmly plant my feet on the polyvinyl floor, the scratch resistant floor is a perfect choice over hardwood when you have kids and pets. I slither my way over to the shower and feel a sensation of warmth as my feet land on the heated porcelain tile that I had shipped over from Italy. I move the polyester Spongebob shower curtain aside and turn on the shower. I can hear the distinguishable hum of the natural gas fueled tankless hot water heater start to circulate the warm water. I disrobe my polyester blend robe and hop in the water vaporizing shower but I have to move quick, I have meetings to attend. I grab my polyethylene shampoo bottle and quickly wash my hair with the polypropylene blend that helps retain moisture in my hair, it always feels like it’s thinning but my barber says it’s not. I grab my polyamide towel to dry off, I'm glad I spent the money of this fast dry towel technology to wick off all this moisture quickly. Nonetheless, I must hurry because I am already late.

I rush downstairs to grab a quick bite to eat, I guess I didn't dry off my feet well enough because I nearly slip on my synthetic fiber cotton socks by almost missing the last step. I only have time to take a banana, imported from Guatemala, which is anxiously waiting for me, promptly sitting on my polyvinyl chloride made table. Right! I forgot to brush my teeth! I hit the command start on my car to let it warm up, the seat heaters turn on automatically, a function that has paid for itself with these cold winters. I could have gone with real leather but instead I decided to go with the polyurethane and vinyl synthetic leathers. I brush the polypropylene bristles across my teeth, the microbeads in the toothpaste build up a nice foam for clean teeth. No time to think, I'm almost late!

I can see that sweet Octane 94 fuel exhaust as the combustion warms up my vehicle from a deathly -30 to a comfortable 23 degrees Celsius inside. I throw my ballistic nylon and polycarbonate suitcase in the backseat and back out of my driveway. I am admiring the new polyvinyl chloride siding I selected, colored Winston Blue, it was the perfect choice. Oh no, I’m going to miss my flight!

It definitely paid off to put those new synthetic rubber, silicone and polymer blend tires on yesterday! I hardly even noticed how icy it was, arriving at the airport just on time. Running to my gate, I take off my breathable knit polyester shoes and put them on the stretch resistant rubber conveyor belt as they pass them through the polypropylene, TPE-S, Polyamide and PEEK materials used to make the x-ray machine. Grabbing my items, I just make it to the gate on time and am quickly shown my plane seat. I peer through the acrylic window and see the fuel truck just finish injecting the 100 octane hydrocarbon into the wing. I think to myself how amazing the polymer blends and carbon fibre blends have advanced in order to reduce the weight and drag of these flying condominiums. I see the jet bridge retract and close my eyes and as the jet engines start to wind up, I am lulled to sleep. The abruptness of the wheels touching down wakes me up and think “how did I sleep for that long?” but dismiss the answer as I search for my phone that is wet for some strange reason! Thankfully the epoxy resins and polymer coatings protect the device as it starts up normally. Whew! There is a person holding an acrylic sign that has my name written in a silicone polymer. He opens the door to the car and I jump inside, in no time I am at the large event center. The massive polyester blend fabric signs give a dynamic look and a welcoming feel for the event. A bright red polyester carpet guides me to the event to which I am an honorary speaker. I have acquired a little bit of a headache, so I quickly consume some coal tar, more commonly known as acetaminophen or Tylenol, I think its just my nerves.

I am now at the stage, I walk across the nylon floor, I can feel my foot sink into my polyester shoes, everything seems to be magnified as I get prepare to speak. I grab the vinyl podium, look through my polycarbonate and polyethylene made glasses, my linen blended suit all of a sudden feels tighter. I adjust the mylar plastic microphone and gaze upon the room. I take a deep breath, and look down at my polyester coated cue cards which will be used to help me stay on track because it is arguably the most important speech of my life. Because today I am announcing, at COP28, that Canada will cap emissions at 75% by 2030 with hopes to transition away from oil and gas forever, because what do we really need it for anyway?