Idiotopedia: 25 Things to Knowing The Unknown

Disclaimer: I'm still off the grid and happy to be away from all the digital interaction while you read this article. So, I'm going to share some random thoughts from my own life. Feel free to dismiss them. To be clear, this isn't a brilliant idea or a stroke of mastery; I think it's the opposite. My wish for you is that you will be smart and not follow my lead. And no, I'm not saying I know everything about this. This is just my hyperactive mind getting rid of stress. Enjoy the journey!

Many times, what founders and investors don't say is more important than what they do say when they talk to each other. I know from experience that the well-polished words investors use are meant to be polite but are full of secret agendas, unspoken doubts, and a strong desire for a low-risk, high-reward situation. That doesn't mean all investors are cruel jerks, but let's face it: money changes people. There is often a difference between what they say and what they mean. In this difference, misunderstandings and biases grow, and founders' pitches can make or break them. If you understand this hidden code, you might not be successful right away, but it will help you play the game with clear eyes. And let's be honest, getting through this maze takes more than persistence; it will show the real art of entrepreneurship!

Code of Investor's Common Language        

(If you look at the attached reference, you'll see that I've changed it in some ways. This should give you a better idea of who Alfred is in this case #LOL)

1. "Let's keep in touch."

I think: We're not interested right now, but if you become famous, we'll return and say we knew you first.

2. "It's too early for us."

I think: We don't want to be the first to take a chance. Let someone else show you can do it, and then we'll consider joining.

3. "Your team needs to be stronger."

I think: We think your team is bad, but we won't do anything to help you make it better. You're by yourself.

4. "Is anyone else in the round to support you?"

I think: We're afraid to act unless a bigger name or a known face first backs us up.

5. "You might want to think about bootstrapping."

I think: Why should we spend our money on you when you're happy to get by without us? Show us what you're worth, and we'll take you there.

6. "We need to see a clear way to make money."

I think: We can't see the value in the long run. We're not interested if you don't show us the money today.

7. "We need to do our research."

I think: We're looking for a way to politely back out or buy time because we don't fully understand your business.

8. "Please find a lead investor, and then we can talk more."

I think: We want someone else to take the chance first. We only join when it's safe and easy for us to do so.

9. "This has a lot of potential."

I think: We don't know what's happening, but if someone tells us this is important, we'll believe it.

10. "We're not going to take this chance; it's more about fit than anything else."

I think: It's not us, it's you. We don't trust your ability to carry out the plan.

11. "YES"

I think: Yes, but don't get too excited just yet. Before anything happens, we still have an extensive list of things we want.

12. "Let's meet next quarter to check your progress."

I think: We're waiting to see if you're worth our time in the future. You're not very important to us.

13. "I think your price is too high."

I think: We want to lower your value to get more for less. Your business is not worth what you think it is worth.

14. "We'd like to see more progress."

I think: Show us how valuable you are without us. We won't help you get there, but we'll gladly take the credit if you do.

15. "We're interested but need to see how it fits our plans."

I think: "We don't know what we're looking for, but we'll keep you around if you become useful to us later."

16. "How fast do you burn?"

I think: We want to know if you need money so badly that we can get you to agree to a bad deal.

17. "Right now, we're focusing on scalability."

I think: We're only interested in sure bets that can go off quickly. We're not interested if you can't offer that.

18. "Have you thought about pivoting?"

I think: We don't like your current direction and want you to change it to something we find more exciting. We don't care if it makes sense for your vision.

19. "Because of the way the market is right now, we're being more careful."

I think: We don't want to risk our money or image right now. We'll think again if things get better.

20. "Your area makes us happy."

I think: We're interested in the buzz in your business but not interested enough to invest in you.

21. "We like to put money into founders who are tough."

I think: We want you to experience hardships and show your dedication before we give you money.

22. "Could you tell me more about your competitors?"

I think: We want you to do our research for us because we don't know enough about your market.

23. "You should work on your pitch deck."

I think: We need a reason to turn you down, so we focus on small flaws instead of discussing our real problems.

24. "We're worried about the regulatory environment."

I think: We're afraid of anything that requires legal work or planning. We don't want something new; we want something easy.

25. "We will talk more about this with our partners."

I think: We're letting someone else make the choice, so we don't have to say no directly. Be ready for a quiet rejection.

Personal Note        

As much as I've shared, there's one truth we can't get away from: The luck factor. Even if you understand every word an investor says and are ready for every possible outcome, there's always that one thing that no one talks about. I can say that luck still has the final say, no matter how hard you work, how much you plan, or how "genius" you think you are. You can't change it, which is, to be honest, what makes it so annoyingly strong. After you read this article, blame me before you start blaming yourself for everything. Why? Because these thoughts are just my own, based on the confusing and uncertain things I've been through. You don't have to feel bad when things don't go as planned because I'll be the bad guy here. Anyway, I'm just the one who says "I think" moments. When bad luck strikes, know it's just another part of the game. Bitter? Perhaps. Dark? Of course. Though, if you can laugh it off and keep going, you may be the winner!

Carpediem!