Identity, Reflection, and Redefining Success: A New Mindset in the New Year

Coming out of the Christmas season - a time in my family focused on lots of giving - I feel myself entering into a season of reflection and redirection. In recent months, I’ve held these learnings close to my heart, but this year, I feel inspired to share learnings here.?

To be candid, the end of the year can be challenging for me. It’s a time filled with loss, like the passing of my grandparents and biological father years ago and recently my Aunty Bea, who never missed a major event in my life growing up. It’s a time when my network posts about the incredible things they’ve been doing professionally and the impact that they can credit to their names, a type of reflection that has looked different for me since I made a professional change. It’s a time when I look at all the goals set the year prior (like the annual declaration that I'll lose 10 lbs), with fear that I didn’t achieve them, and thus, I failed.?

As I braced myself to confront the person I wasn’t in 2024, my coach posed a question that stuck with me:

What have you accomplished as a woman, a wife, a mother??

I wasn't asked what I'd accomplished with my new business (although I am proud to soft launch an LLC and follow my dreams). I wasn't asked to reflect on how much I did during my sabbatical (although I've posted a moment or two on how I kept busy). I wasn't asked for the year's highlights (hello, baby growing, Olympics, trip to Stockholm) and lowlights (do I really want to remember them?).

I wasn't asked about success in these ways, which too easily impact my self-image and worth.

What had I accomplished as a woman, wife, and mother??

I had never thought I could measure success like that.?

I created an activity for myself - identifying one accomplishment for every month of the year - and here's what I learned.

What I accomplished as a woman:

• Read 20 books for me, ranging from thrillers to historical romance to child development (which is fun for me)?
• Established a gym routine and, despite some unexpected physical challenges, stayed active ?
• Developed my painting hobby and added a few “masterpieces” to my collection?
• Didn’t give up, check out, or quit partnerships that were challenging, frustrating, or demoralizing because I believed in the bigger purpose and my ability to contribute to change

What I accomplished as a wife:

• Led creative date nights from home to keep us connected?despite demanding schedules
• Organized family meetings to keep us in sync and on track?
• Solo parented when needed so my partner could focus on work responsibilities and travel?
• Planned and cooked some pretty impressive meals (and a few less than exciting ones too) to help us reach our goal of eating out less

What I accomplished as a mother:

• Nurtured my little one from 4 lbs 1 oz to a healthy 18 lbs
• Stayed home with my baby full time for 6 months and part time through one year?
• Was present for my baby’s first smiles, crawl, rolling over, and (almost) walk
• Breastfed (via nursing and pumping) for 13 months and 4 days, and in that journey:

1. Pumped, constantly, all over the house, city, and world to extract 91+ liters of breastmilk
2. Learned how to nurse after 3 months of exclusive pumping, providing ~2000 nursing sessions?

Wow, can I say: what a boss?! :)

The year was far from perfect. I was constantly tired. I dropped some balls. I wish I'd shown up for some people in different ways. And I recognize so many privileges that enabled me to accomplish this list, like a partner, family, and friends that encourage me, and a strong system of faith.

Yet with that, I can say that I’m proud of me, proud of my household, and incredibly blessed to do all that I did.?

One of the key lessons I took away from this exercise was that I have done a lot, which showed me that:

Redefining what success looks like in a world that tells us it’s about “likes” or money or professional achievement is hard, but possible!

So the next time you feel hard on yourself, like you haven't done enough, based on the messages the world tells you, here's my advice:

1. Remember all of your identities,
2. Reflect on what you've done before, and
3. Use those to redefine how you'll measure success.

You might just surprise yourself, like I did, and shift your mindset as you start a new year.

Author's note:

Public displays of vulnerability like this are not in my comfort zone. Seriously. But with the personal commitment I made to liberating my voice, by mouth and by pen, how could I not try something new?

Follow me here and let's stay connected on our journeys.

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Dr. Yvette Efevbera is a global health and equity expert working to create a world where young people and women are healthy, happy, unafraid, and unapologetic. She is founder & CEO of SHE Thinks Group LLC, helping organizations achieve transformational results in health, gender equity, and development.

All photos in this article are copyright ? Yvette Efevbera 2025 and cannot be used or distributed without my permission. Views expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent the views of any employer or affiliations.