Identity, Behaviors, and the Human Spirit

Identity, Behaviors, and the Human Spirit

In my work as a public health educator, I talk a lot about how to apply effort to positively move around our mental and physical health resilience. I like to think I make a good case for the behaviors that enable functional, healthy adaptation to stress and how technology like WHOOP, Levels, and Arena Labs can help accelerate wisdom and reduce the noise associated with personal change. That said, daily life is challenging and complex and behavior change can be hard as hell. We can know what we want and who we aspire to be but in order to adopt a new way of living and leverage these technologies to the fullest,

we need to start believing new things about ourselves- oftentimes that involves creating a new identity.?

Ethan Suplee?is an actor known for the movie?Remember the Titans. He lost a tremendous amount of weight and is “jacked” now. Every night he reflects on his day and proudly says: “I killed my clone today,” which means he formed a new identity and his behaviors/actions today confirmed that the person he once was, is dead. Everyday our actions will either prove our identity to be true, or not. It’s like an alcoholic who gives up drinking. You can’t just say I’ll stop drinking, you have to change everything about your life. The same is true of nutrition and maybe also exercise – you must drop the old habits that no longer serve you to give space for the new ones to emerge and flourish. The fact is, you cannot create a new life … while dragging old behaviors around.?There is a plethora of research pointing to the fact that if you change how you view yourself, then it is easier to change your actions and get closer to the person you want to be in this world.

The goal of this article is to share the principles and exercises related to personal change that have proven to be a helpful framework for me, and others I have worked with, to live values with more deliberateness and as a result more joy and energy.

I share these ideas with humility knowing that how we get to where we want to go in life is personal and highly variable and we must experiment to arrive at a system that allows us to do our best "work". In that spirit, I hope some of these insights are helpful.?

Stages Associated with Personal Change:?

Stage #1 AWARENESS. Identity (how we see ourselves) impacts our actions, experiences, and willingness to persist in the daily work of living our values.?

I found it helpful to think about my identity NOT as a pre-existing condition that I inherit but rather one that I can consciously CREATE. Generally speaking, we have a lot of control of who we can be in this world and how we want to live. To create lasting change, we need to do the daily work of PRACTICING being that person until it becomes part of the fabric of who we are. I found the exercise of?"I want to be a person who…[fill in blank]" to be very powerful as it serves as a nice platform to back into my values. I often remind myself that identity can change and my values will evolve as I grow, learn, and experience new things and people.?

Exercise 1: Define a new identity (the way you would like to think about yourself). Some personal examples:?

• I want to be a person who lives my values with joy and energy.
• I want to be a person who is always learning and growing both personally and professionally.
• I want to be a centered, loving person who makes my children and the people I love feel safe.

Exercise 2: List and Define Values (actionable things that you believe are important in the way you live and work). By becoming aware of your values, you can better align behaviors. The more you practice those behaviors the more you prove to yourself the new identity is true (values should reinforce identity). I approach this exercise by drawing inspiration from the work of a philosopher, writer, scientist, or artist that I admire and then associate a value that motivates me to act in a particular way. Explore ways that feel right to you.

Core values are powerful in that they help us define and accomplish specific objectives and ultimately reflect the current and potentially alterable aspects of our professional, family, and personal lives. I look at my values every single day sometimes multiple times per day.

Personal examples of my values and what they look like "in action".

• Peace (Seneca). Explore my interior world through contemplative practice and art with the aim of surfacing the qualities that allow me to be a centered, loving human being.
• Growth (Maya Angelou): Create moments daily to expand my knowledge, apply and hone my skills.
• Impact (Victor Frankl): Choose kindness always, and allow my default nature of positive energy, curiosity, and inclusiveness to direct my interactions and my work.
• Openness (James Baldwin): Avoid dogma and the knee-jerk reaction to ignore evidence that might contradict my own beliefs.
• Humility (Leo Tolstoy): Live a disciplined lifestyle so that I may have the energy and the mental, physical, and emotional clarity to be fully engaged and present with loved ones and with my work. For me, humility underpins a disciplined lifestyle and gives me the courage to face my own imperfections with grace.

I look at my values every single day, sometimes multiple times per day. My only responsibility to myself is that I ensure my behaviors align with my values.

Exercise 3: Take a minute and try this simple exercise:

• On a sheet of paper, write down your values in the column on the left and in a column on the right list all of the habits, actions and behavioral patterns across a typical daily.
• Draw lines from your typical daily actions/behaviors/habits to the Core Values that they support.

Could you easily link all your daily tasks/actions/behaviors to one or more of your core values? If you were able to link them all together without forcing or over-rationalizing, great! However, if you’re like me the first time that I tried to do a similar exercise, I found there were a lot of mismatches. The project is to create as many matches across a typical day as possible.

If you find that you are not living in accordance with the things you truly care about- it might be time for change!

If our habits and routines do not reinforce our values and identity (mismatches) we will experience a phenomena we refer to in psychology as “cognitive dissonance”. This is simply the internal discomfort we feel when our values do not align with our behaviors and identity. Dissonance will diminish our ability to adapt to life in a functional way (i.e. resiliency). "Dissonance" will show up in objective metrics like heart rate variability, quality of sleep, resting heart rate, and respiratory rate. It is important to understand that our psychological status will manifest physiologically and vice versa.

Since we are all human, we will all have instances in which we don’t show up, perform, think, or act in accordance with our values.?However, the clearer you are about your life, the easier you will recognize these moments of misalignment and the faster you can get back on track and restore safety and stability to your nervous system.?You want your body to revolt when there is dissonance. The anxious energy you will feel in your heart, mind, and body is there for you to make the necessary changes.

Stage #2 DISCOVERY. Defining identity and values then auditing behavioral patterns, and habits is a powerful source of insight that will help you understand where to focus your change effort.?

Auditing habits/actions can be a powerful initial step to build awareness and work toward alignment. There is no question that satisfaction with life is intricately linked to the degree of value and behavioral alignment.

The potential danger with habits and behavioral patterns is they will become our identity and we will get attached to them without realizing if they serve to improve our lives. It is easy to?mindlessly collect habits and fall into patterns that no longer serve us.

It is essential to dig into our habits and behavioral patterns as they will shape who we are, ultimately driving our mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Exercise 4: Link your body and mind to your habits, patterns, and actions.

• Look at your list your values, habits, behaviors and actions. Circle the habits, behavioral patterns and actions that are NOT connected to your values. Zero in on one of the "mismatches". Close your eyes. I want you to feel your heart and your mind when you think about this "mismatch". Write down the sensations.
• Now reflect on a "match" (perfect alignment between your values and a behavior). Close your eyes. I want you to feel your heart and your mind when you think about this "match". Write down the sensations.
• Rank the mismatches from mild to severe. Which mismatch created the most severe internal dissonance? Usually this is a great place to start your change journey. When my kids were younger I would often find myself distracted when I was with them. I would always feel so guilty afterwards as I knew I was missing precious time with them. I decided to make change. I went through these exercises and determined that I truly wanted to be a person that is present with my loved ones. I started my change journey and while being "present" is still core it has evolved into "peace"- when I have inner peace- presence follows naturally.

Exercise 5: Now that you have a sense of overall match and mismatch it is important to determine what is a non-negotiable level of alignment to "live your values".

• There have been many times in my life where I recognized a clear mismatch. Like the example I gave about presence, I can feel the pattern, habit, or action eating away at me. This is when I know it is time for change. I sit down and go through these exercises to see where the conflict truly is and the degree of severity (mild, moderate, severe). Go through your list of mismatches and rank indicated level of severity.
• Once you've labeled the mismatches, rank them in order of 1- [...].
• Think about how your life might be different if you begin your change journey with your #1 mismatch. Lean into this change for a moment. Feel it in your body. Do you feel relaxed? Peaceful? Anxious? Nervous? All of these emotions would be normal and are an indication that you are potentially ready for change.
• Go back to your list and count up how may matches vs. mismatches you have. What is an acceptable level of daily misalignment? For me, anything less than 80% alignment and my mental and physical well-being begins to diminish. It shows up in my objective data I track via WHOOP (e.g., sleep quality, sleep onset, heart rate variability, resting heart rate) as well as my subjective markers of well-being which I track in my WHOOP journal (e.g., feelings of purpose efficacy, control and mood, energy levels, and concentration).??We can't tackle change all at once. Start with your #1 then figure out a plan to begin to incorporate #2, #3 and so on. Often times, dealing with #1 will impact other things on your list! Make a note of the potential overlap and consolidate. Now, without hesitation, write down who you need to become order to turn your #1 mismatch into a match.

I have found that?every time I practice a behavior that aligns with my core values I am supporting the reward systems in the brain that comes with the deep satisfaction and joy of living my values.

When I prove my identity to be true I might get a nice dopamine hit but I am also satisfied that I've applied my effort in a way that is in line with who I want to be. This loop makes my heart and mind feel good and creates a virtuous cycle. This feedback loop is so powerful that all I have to do is imagine/visualize NOT living my values and it creates such strong dissonance that I can feel my mind and body revolt. As mentioned, the bonus is that this revolt generally comes with a lot of anxiety that I can turn into energy to re-direct behavior and take positive action (resource here for more information on why anxiety can be a positive driving force of behavior change and action in general). I leverage this visualization strategy a lot when confronted with temptation and as a result I never fall too far off the rails.

When it comes to living my values I always have a choice.

Stage #3: UNDERSTANDING. What is required to make change and what are the potential barriers to change? Proficiency in how the tools work, competence using them, and understanding which ones to use at each stage is essential to enabling long term change.

One of my identity statements is “I want to be a person who lives my values with joy and energy”. In order to become this person and live my values that feed this identity I need to understand what are the drivers behind joy and energy so I could align my behaviors accordingly.?There are many ways to approach the change you are seeking but in principle we should be working to minimize any confusion about our individual role in the change (in my case the live my values with joy and energy means I need to be in control of the trajectory and state of my overall health). If I am under-slept, under-fueled, and unfit, I cannot possible live my values with joy and energy. A note about "support". It can be vital BUT you must be the driver of your change. I would always tell my athletes:

I am here for you but the reality is no one is going to think more deliberately about you than you! You must own your change from A-Z.

A framework that has served me, is that I like to think about change as a single player game. When on a change journey, I pay for services to support me where necessary (I recognize the privilege here). I made a conscious choice that I was not going to rely on friends and or family to help me with my change. I personally do not believe it is reasonable or appropriate ask of loved ones to be responsible for who I wanted to be in the world or to help facilitate that. I wanted total and utter independence. I love the quote from Emerson that says "rely on yourself and you become one of those who determine the future of the world".

Set yourself free. Learn and grow and extend your understanding of who you want to be so you can approach each day honestly, with integrity, and independence.

Exercise #6 Building efficacy around your change (personal examples below).

• Restate identity you aim to create: “I want to be a person who lives my values with joy and energy”
• What values does this identity feed? “Peace, Humility, Openness"
• What additional information do you need to internalize in order to become this change? “I need to understand the factors that move around my happiness and energy levels”.?Often times there will be "research" required to understand how to apply your effort. You got to own this. It can take some time to sift through and arrive at a plan.

Be patient and do the work so you are better positioned to own your change.

• What new habits or routines do I need to put into place to live these values more honestly? I need to prioritize sleep, schedule stress/rest strategically, eat real food, exercise daily (even if short- do something!).?
• What habits or routines are currently keeping me from living these values? Working until very late into the evening/exposure to blue light, meals on the go, meals out or no meals at all, zero creative outlets, lack of structured exercise plan, caffeine for energy.?
• Who in my life will be impacted by these changes? People who know you might resist your change. Be empathetic but firm. If you want to be the full version of yourself sometimes change is necessary. Create a communication plan for these folks so they can understand that this change is about you (use I statements when articulating the change and your plan) and how you might need to alter or eliminate entirely previous routines or behaviors.
• What new habits or routines do I need to begin to integrate into my life in order to get closer to my identity- what do I need to let go? Keep monthly sleep debt average under 45min, limit total sleep/wake variability to <60 min, get "out of breath" 1-2x's per week for at least 10min, long endurance effort 2x's per week, lift heavy 3x's per week, mobility daily. End caffeine consumption by 12pm and only drink coffee, creative writing and or drawing daily, plan ahead so I can eat real food 90% of the time. Be specific here and identify trackable metrics that will help give you objective insight measure consistency.

Stage #4: OPPORTUNITY. Refers to the adoption of strategies that reduce friction associated with change. Reducing friction and complexity around the change you are seeking gives you more opportunity to become that change.

When it comes to enforcing a change journey we need to ensure that we have strategies in place that help make it easier to create matches between behavior and values. For example, an often used strategy used when trying to eat healthy is to not have unhealthy food in the house. Remove the temptation and it will make the change easier to adopt.

I noticed that excuses generally arose for me when there was a lack of control. That could mean a loss of control due to my own shortcoming or a legitimate outside circumstance. Being clear about whether it was the former or latter is critical.

Most of the time we can make a conscious choice to live our values. The effect of a choice will either serve to bring us closer to who we want to be in the world, or not. Facing this truth simplifies a lot. For me personally, I view a lack of honesty with self as a profound failure of priorities and of self-respect. Honesty with self requires we have a system and outlets in place to ensure we are engaging in the behaviors and developing habits that allow us to live our values.

When thinking about my identity and values I focused on getting systems in place that required very little collaboration from others. To exercise, I don’t need a gym or any other person to make it happen (I have weights in my house and I can run and do agilities in and around my house), I can pull several levers to ensure I get decent sleep even when work demands (travel etc) are out of my control. I am in control of what I put in my mouth, and there is no one stopping me from going to bed at the time I choose a majority of the time (fortunately my kids are now at an age when I don’t have to feed them in the middle of the night:).

The recognition that I have a choice in how I behave is a powerful framework and minimizes a majority of potential excuses. As a result, I am in almost total control of being a person who lives my values with joy and energy.

Exercise #7 Streamlining Change

• What potential "complexity" do you need to minimize, eliminate, or build a strategy around in order to consistently choose to live my core value (s)??
• What external factors are critical for your change journey to be successful? ?
• What are you willing to compromise on?
• What is a non-negotiable?

I use my journal to audit the percentage of time my actions/tasks/behaviors line up with my values. I find journaling to be an excellent record keeper of the truth and as a result the perfect accountability partner.?

This single commitment of monitoring daily how my behaviors align with my values and how that feeds my identity is the most impactful, self-empowering, and liberating framework I've deployed?in my life so far.

Stage #5 REPEATABILITY

• Is there sufficient chance for this behavior to occur consistently??
• What is most? important? Consistency, accuracy, or precision or some combination??
• Is there sufficient chance for this behavior to occur consistently??
• How close can you get to repeating the behavior in an optimal way? How many times does behavior need to be repeated in order to get results you want or to feel like you are living values and the behavior is reinforcing some aspect of your identity.

For example, in order live my values with joy and energy, I need to average sufficient, consistent, quality sleep at least 90% of the time across a month. I set up my life to make sure I can do this. That said, life will happen. For example, my son suffered a bad injury to his arm that involved 2 separate procedures. He was on pain medication that needed to be administered every 3 hours. Obviously, I wasn't able to achieve my sleep need but pulled other levers to off-set the missed time in bed to ensure I wasn't falling too far off the rails. Generally speaking, we can always find ways to be creative to ensure we are positioning ourselves to live our core values.

APPENDIX

Biometrics//Biomarkers

Biometrics I track and ranges I try to maintain to physical, mental, emotional and spiritual functioning so I can live my core values:

• Waking Fasting Glucose- Target: 70-75 mg/dl
• Daily Glucose Levels: 1hr Post Meal: <105 // 2hrs Post Meal: <90 // 5 hrs Post Meal: <75
• Avg HRV: Target Range 90-100 ms. WHOOP "Red days" <2 x's per month or LESS.
• Avg RHR: Target 46-52 bpm
• Sleep: Debt < 30min / Total sleep/wake time variability <50 min / Deep Sleep 45%
• Grip Strength: R 90+ L: 85+
• Inner Age: 12 yrs less than chronological age

Bi-Annual Blood Panels. Core list.

• RBC Magnesium. to get an accurate reading, you need to measure intracellular magnesium levels, which can be done by testing red blood cells.
• ?Estradiol. Levels in women vary?depending on which point of menstrual cycle?we are in: Less than 50 pg/ml during menstrual periods. Up to 200 pg/ml during follicular development. Up to 400 pg/ml just before ovulation.
• High-sensitivity C-reactive protein. Inflammation.
• Triglyceride-to-HDL Ratio. This test has the added benefit of predicting lipoprotein particle size and insulin resistance, two other important markers for longevity.
• Full Lipid Panel And Omega-3 Fatty Acids. Lipid panel can investigate the types of cholesterol particles in your blood and give you a far more accurate profile of your cardiovascular risk than standard cholesterol tests
• Testosterone:?15 to 70 ng/dL or 0.5 to 2.4 nmol/L.
• IGF-1. A lot of debate here but seems a sweet spot of IGF-1 values between approximately 80 and 150 ng/ml.
• Insulin. Below 5 [uIU/ml], but ideally… below 3
• Iron: Ferritin ranges from 200 to 300 ng/mL (menstruating women)

Go here for a deep dive on how to optimize sleep