Identifying Your Conflict Management Styles

Conflict is a crucial issue affects our interpersonal relationships and has become more and more important for our mental health. Therefore, to understand our conflict management styles can be a significant benefit for us to manage conflicts in the future.

The Types of Conflict

You can experience different conflicts in all the interpersonal relationship you have such as your co-worker, clients, friends, family. There are three main conflict types below.

1. Pseudo-Conflict: Misunderstandings

Pseudo-conflict occurs when we simply miss the meaning in a message, but unless we asking more details to understanding the message, a real conflict might ensure. 

How can you avoid pseudo-conflict? A key strategy is to clarify the meaning of words and any way of the expressions that you don’t understand at the moment. Keep the following strategies in mind to minimize misunderstandings before they occur:

• Check Your Perceptions. Ask to clarify what you don’t understand; seek to determine whether your interpretation is the same as the other’s.
• Listen Between The Lines. Try to looking at their facial expressions or physical movement. People may not voice their misunderstanding, but they may express their uncertainty nonverbally
• Establish A Supportive Rather Than A Defensive Climate For Conversation. Avoid evaluating, controlling, using manipulative strategies, being aloof, acting superior, or rigidly asserting that you’re always right. These classic behaviours are like pushing the button for increased defensiveness and misunderstanding. [1]

2. Simple Conflict: Different Stands on the Issues

Simple conflict is the conflict causes from the differences in ideas, definitions, comprehension, or goals. A key to solve a simple conflict is to keep the conversation focused on the issues so that the expression of differences does not deteriorate into a battle focusing on personalities and other unrelated topics.

To avoid simple conflict become a personal attacks, consider the following strategies:

• Clarify Your And Other's Understanding of the issues and other’s understanding of the key source of the disagreement.
• Keep The Discussion Focused on facts and on the issue at the moment rather than drifting back to past battles, unrelated topics and personal emotions.
• Look For More Than Just The Initial Solutions that you and others bring to the discussion, also looking for many options.
• Don't Try To Take Too Many Issues At Once. Perform “issue triage”—identify the important issues and work on those.
• Find The Kernel Of Truth In What Others May Be Saying. Seek agreement where you can.
• If Tempers Begin To Flare And Conflict Is Spiralling Upward, Cool Off. Come back to the discussion when you and others are fresh.

3. Ego Conflict: Conflict Gets Personal

The pseudo- or simple conflicts can easily becomes more vicious ego conflicts. As each individual in the conflict becomes more defensive about his or her position, the issues also become more tangled. Both participants began attacking each other by sensitive issues instead of focusing on the original problems. In this case, an argument gets into a major conflict. 

If you find yourself involved in ego conflict, try to avoid from giving personal attacks and negative emotional expression back and forth. Instead, take some time to cool off and then take turns expressing your feelings without interrupting each other. It is difficult to use effective listening skills when your emotions are at a high pitch.

Here are additional strategies to consider when conflict becomes personal:

• Try To Steer The Ego Conflict Back To Simple Conflict. Stay focused on issues rather than personalities and other topics.
• Make The Issue A Problem To Be Solved Rather Than A Battle To Be Won.
• Write Down What You Want To Say. It may help you clarify your point, and you and your partner can develop your ideas without interruption. A note of caution: don’t put angry personal attacks in writing. Make your written summary brief and rational rather than lengthy and emotional.
• When Things Get Personal, Make A Vow Not To Reciprocate. Use the “I” messages. (“I feel uncomfortable and threatened when we yell at each other”) rather than “you” messages (“You’re so selfish” or “You never listen”) to express how you are feeling.
• Avoid Contempt And Sarcasm. It may be tempting to roll your eyes and sarcastically say “Oh, that’s brilliant” in response to something your partner has said, but expressing contempt through a sarcastic tone will not help solve the conflict, and will often escalate it. [1]

What Is Your Conflict Management Style? 

One important factor to solve the conflict is to understand your conflict management style. There are 5 different type of the conflict management styles to define each individual. Without an understanding of the five conflict management styles and the correct way to implement them in various situations, a person is left handling conflict without a guideline.

An important competency for working professionals is to understand that we each have our own way of dealing with conflict. According to the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), used by human resource (HR) professionals around the world, there are five major styles of conflict management—collaborating, competing, avoiding, accommodating, and compromising. [2] [3] 

Conflict Management Styles Descriptions. [4] This file can help you with finding your conflict management style.

Collaborating

Collaborating type of the people are highly value both their goals and their relationships. They view conflict as a problem to be solved and seek a solution that achieves both their goals and the goals of the other person. They see conflicts as a means of improving relationships by reducing tensions between two persons. They try to begin a discussion that identifies the conflict as a problem, and strive to resolve tensions and maintain the relationship by seeking solutions that satisfy both themselves and the other person.

Avoiding

They are tend to value avoiding confrontation more than either their goals or relationships. They often find it easier to withdraw from a conflict than to face it. This might even include completely giving up relationships or goals that are associated with the conflict.

Competing

Competing type of the people are typically value their goals over relationships, meaning that if forced to choose, they would seek to achieve their goals even at the cost of the relationship involved. They are typically more concerned with accomplishing their goals than with being liked by others. They might try to force opponents to accept their solution to the conflict by overpowering them.

Accommodating

They are typically value relationships over their own goals; if forced to choose, They will often sacrifice their goals in order to maintain relationships.Those people are generally want to be liked by others, and prefer to avoid conflict because they believe addressing it will damage relationships. They try to smooth over conflict to prevent damage to the relationship.

Compromising

They are moderately concerned with both their goals and their relationships with others. Compromising type is typically seek a compromise; they give up part of their goals and persuade the other person in a conflict to give up part of their goals. They seek a conflict solution in which both sides gain something; the middle ground between two extreme positions. They are willing to sacrifice part of their goals in order to find agreement for the common good. [4]

“Each strategy has its own benefits, there is no right or wrong conflict management style.”

, says Dr. Barbara Benoliel, a certified professional mediator and mitigation specialist.

“Understanding how you respond to conflicts instinctively as well as having increased awareness of other management styles may help how you typically approach specific situations and lead to efficient and effective conflict resolution.”, says Dr. Barbara Benoliel [5]

Outcome of The Conflict

Portland State University’s Institute on Aging studied more than 650 adults over a two-year period. Research has shown that relationship conflict can negatively affect human's health. 

The researchers found that "stable negative social exchanges" (in other words, repetitive or prolonged conflict) were significantly associated with lower self-rated health, greater functional limitations, and a higher number of health conditions.[6] These findings impact several health factors, but one key takeaway seems to be that stress can weaken your immune system.

While it can be difficult and uncomfortable, conflict in a relationship is not always a bad thing. When it is healthy and productive, relationship conflict presents an opportunity for people to learn about how others see and experience the world. It can also generate creative solutions to problems and help people grow. [7]

Conclusion

The Harvard Study has found a strong association between happiness and interpersonal relationships like spouses, family, friends, and close social circles.[8] In order to have our happiness, health and successful relationships in work and home. You might also like to understand your conflict management style and others. 

"Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means." —Ronald Reagan (1982)

 I’m a Collaborating type. How about you? Share with me in the comment below!

References

[1] Steven A. Beebe, Susan J. Beebe, Mark V. Redmond, “Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others”, (Part 2-p.193) (1995)

[2] K. Thomas and R. Kilmann, An Overview of the Thomas-Kilmann “Conflict Mode Instrument” (TKI).(2008)

[3]Source: Adapted from M. Afzalur Rahim, “A Measure of Styles of Handling Interpersonal Conflict,” Academy of Management Journal 26, no. 2 (1983): 368–76.

[4] Docstoc, "Conflict Management Styles Descriptions".

[5] Dr. Barbara Benoliel, Ph.D. Human Services. (2017)

[6] Newsom J, Mahan T, Rook TL, KS, Krause N. Stable negative social exchanges and health. Health Psychology. 2008;27(1)78-86. doi:10.1037/0278-6133.27.1.78

[7] Jones RG. Chapter 6.2: Conflict and Interpersonal Communication. In: Communication in the Real World. (2013)

[8] Robert Waldinger, “Good genes are nice, but joy is better” in Harvard Medical School. (2017)