Overcoming Life's Bullies

Bullying is one of those unfortunate subjects which is uncomfortable to think or talk about, but everyone knows is a reality of life. Like poverty, addiction or relationship breakups, everyone has either experienced it, or knows someone who has.

In the case of bullying, both apply to me.

When I was navigating the mystifying years of childhood, I was hampered by a number of personal qualities. I was a social misfit, who had no idea how to handle or interact with other human beings. Having grown up and sought help, I now know this is a natural consequence of undiagnosed autism, but the problem of it being undiagnosed is that I had no idea that this was the case. Even worse, neither did the other children around me, many of whom displayed cruel, thuggish and herdlike behaviour.

My school years were defined by a mob mentality, in which anything not exactly identical to the majority was mocked, shunned, beaten, ostracised and insulted. This was my life on a regular, long-term basis. The result was that I genuinely believed I was worthless, talentless and useless, and that I had no place in the world other than to be other peoples' plaything and punchbag.

Adulthood taught me otherwise. Going to university, and exploring different workplaces, introduced me to people who actually didn't think I was scum, nor did they treat me like I was. This enabled me to pursue and develop my skills and interests, becoming a self-respecting person who was just as worthy as anyone else.

Of course, not every single adult at university or in the workplace is as lovely and supportive as some of the ones I've met. There are others I've seen, and many others I haven't but other people have, who are just as inclined towards bullying behaviour as the kids I was at school with. To people like this, anything that doesn't directly or completely affirm every part of their existence and character is to be treated as inherently wrong, which they'll display through snide passive-aggression or outright cruelty. More often than not, adults who do this in the workplace were once children who did it at school or even had it done to them at some point, more's the pity.

So if we witness or experience this vile treatment, what do we do? To begin with, we look inward. What is it about us that this person feels threatened by, and is seeking to stamp out? Could we have genuinely done something wrong to warrant it? Obviously, this is no justification to receive bullying behaviour, but understanding if we may have wittingly or unwittingly done something to hurt another person is a good way to make corrections to our relationships.

In terms of confronting and halting the bullying, this is tricky. Standing up to a bully can feel intimidating. It doesn't need to be done with anger or moral snobbery, but it can be done with friendship and kindness. Most likely, the bully will feel like this is what they're missing, so being shown friendship and kindness will help to diffuse their bad treatment of other people.

Bullies need to be given a chance to repent and overcome their negative patterns of behaviour. This may take time, especially when their habits have built up and developed over a lengthy period. Some people never learn to overcome their toxic patterns, in which case they should be shunned and avoided at all costs. Flagging up the bad behaviour to other people may be seen badly as "snitching", but frankly, the bullies bring this on themselves by refusing to change.

Fortunately, not every bully is unchangeable or irredeemable. Many are capable of bettering themselves, and they are worth being given a chance to do so. Most people come from negative backgrounds, whether it's being bullied, witnessing it or doing it, but everyone can overcome it over the course of their lives with a little effort.

This is what I've done. The brutal treatment I received at school feels like a lifetime ago. In all the places I've studied and worked since then, I've applied myself to my goals and to my interactions with other people, with hard work, empathy and dedication. This has earned me the respect of most of the decent people around me. Other people, who weren't so decent, and who still displayed signs of the inner bully, I stayed away from, not seeing any reason to expose myself to more bad situations.

We all deserve the best in life, and none of us deserve to be on the wrong end of bullying. That's why, if you are a bully, you need to stop this immediately and do better. Find out why you're unhappy, resolve to change it, and then move on with a better, kinder approach to life.

If we're going to live a good life, we need to be the best people that we're capable of being. Taking a stand to prevent bullying, from other people and from ourselves, is a brilliant way to do this. For the current generations, and those to come, cutting out the bullying will open up many opportunities for greatness.