Identifying with the Old Paradigm

As I drive along the road in my very luxurious gray Honda Civic (I know…), I notice a very nice, upscale car in front of me. My eyes glance at the license plate and? there is a shiny silver frame that is screwed on with big, bold lettering, “Alumni - Florida State.” I look at it with curiosity and continue to drive. As I approach even more cars, more big silver frames are illuminated with phrases such as,

“Alumni - USC”

“Mom - UC Berkeley”

“Proud Parent - Enter College Name”?

At first glance, this seems like an appropriate display of pride. A pride that is embedded within our culture of accomplishment and ideal form of success. It portrays family pride and even for some, generations of traditional success. And yet, it peaks my interest because this mindset is still stuck in the old paradigm of education. One that is based on accomplishments, status, and hierarchy of achievement.

Though these displays of achievement seem harmless, it is embedded in unconscious messaging. So while we are at a point in education where we can truly push for innovation, my theory is this:?

We have identified so strongly with the old paradigm of education that until we stop buying into it, we will never be able to push for innovation for the future.?

Katie De Jong tells her story in the book The Art of Unlearning, where she emphasizes that we get a multitude of messages from society of what it means to be a successful or good person. This is entrenched in our system from the beginning. Many of us may be simply products of the system. This makes the unlearning process even more difficult because our own value is attached to it.

The 4.0 GPA we got during high school.

The college diploma hung up on our office wall.

The high-tech company that gave us an offer letter.

There is obviously nothing wrong with these celebratory moments; it shows the value of education. And many times, there is pride in this achievement. However, this is still associated with the external idea of success. As mentioned before, a success that is based on merits, benchmarks, and external validation. If we look at this from a lens of inner success—one with happiness and fulfillment—these achievements may tell a different story. Even so, our reputations and careers become attached to this old ideal. As an article in the Harvard Business Review states:

“Letting go can seem like starting over and losing our status, authority, or sense of self,” (Bonchek, 2016).

We have to be able to deconstruct why we still feel the need to display our diploma frames in our offices and unconsciously push our children to get into Ivy League schools. If we keep buying into the old ideal of success, a new way of educating our young people will never come to fruition.?

This is where unlearning comes into play for all parents. I will say it again:

“We cannot push for innovation when we are still strongly attached to our old ways.”?

Here are four ways to begin this process:?

1. Take Inventory of Your Physical Space:

List all the physical items that are associated with your education in your home (i.e. college diplomas, high school trophies, report cards, art work, etc.)

• Which of these physical items align with your idea of success for your child(ren)?
• Which of these physical items don’t align with your idea of success for your child(ren)?
• Is there anything you would remove or replace with (i.e. focused less on achievement and more on learning)?

*Note: I have nothing against college as a pathway of success (I’ve been to graduate school myself). However, when it becomes the SOLE way towards achievement for your child and this belief is not examined, this is where we become unconscious.*

2. Take Inventory of Your Mental Space:

Repeat steps above but displays of education that are stuck in your head such as colleges that are prestigious vs not. Find what aligns and what does not with your current idea of success for your child(ren)

3. Assess Lineage and Traditional Ways:

Answer the following questions:

• Was there a college you had to go to be accepted by your family because it was “where everyone goes?”?
• Was college not normal in your family and were you first-generation? How did this affect what you expect of your child(ren) now??
• What was success when it came to your education in terms of status, prestige, and becoming valued in our society?

4. Reassess and Reflect:

Every year, reflect on the three steps above:

• Has there been a shift from the old to new way in these physical items in your home?
• Have your conversations changed from the typical ideal of success vs. the new?
• Is there anything you are still perpetuating to your children based on what you take pride in??

Just like silver license plates with college names, the unconscious behavior of our society will always take precedence over the new way.?

It’s going to take every parent to slowly identify less with these prideful moments, and instead push for love of learning, purpose, and passion. Only when we care less about prestige and status will our children see a new type of education. A conscious one.?

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Conscious Education Starter Kit:?

Komal’s book “Raise Your Hand! A Call for Consciousness in Education”

Spotify Playlist for Conscious Education

Self Love for Our Children Newsletter