The Ideal Self Image

Cheese omelette or green smoothie?

Are there times when you feel you are not doing enough? These are times when you want to work out more, read more books, pick up new hobbies, go trekking, travel solo, and the list goes on. And then there are these Saturdays when you wake up at 5 am in the morning and head to the gym totally surprising everyone at home. Once back from the gym, you make “the green smoothie” for the first time in life and gulp it down no matter how much you would have liked to eat a cheese omelette for breakfast. You end up buying numerous non-fiction bestsellers, although what you love is to read is “The Devil wears Prada”, curled up on the sofa by the window.

Why do we struggle to pick up these so-called ideal habits to build a better self? Why do we like ourselves but are constantly struggling to be “better”? Who is this “better self”? And who defines what the “better self” should look like?

I have often asked these questions to friends, colleagues, people around me. What I heard is surprising. You would think that the source of this constant pressure is – extremely successful peers, world leaders, LinkedIn Articles, Instagram posts, etc. But, no, it is - “What we think we are supposed to be”. Whoa! So, basically, we have built this ideal self-image of our future self, which is so far off from where we are today or what we in our natural elements prefer, that it results in us constantly running towards an overtly optimistic goal. What follows is - never being able to catch up, feeling disappointed with ourselves (before we can disappoint others) and finally our confidence shrinking to the size of a pea.

So, now that I am the enlightened one with this enormous revelation, what do I do? Do I pamper my lazy self with chunky diet and lounging pants? This leads to my second phase of primary research (essentially asking the same guys more questions). Here’s a summary of what I gathered:

• One at a time please: It’s the same thing I constantly urge my toddler to do – pick one blueberry at a time. It’s amazing how difficult it is to practice-what-you-preach. While introducing new food items to my daughter, I always follow the principle of “one-at-a-time” (of course recommended by her pediatrician). This ensures that you help your child get accustomed to new flavors and also identify whether she is allergic to any of them. Somehow the same thought never occurs while picking up new hobbies. The experts (friends/family) said – try new things all the time but one/two at a time. This will help figure out what you truly enjoy.
• An inspiration instead of a motivation: If you want motivation, you will find plenty. If you want to start playing the guitar, you will be able to find experts who play it really well. Try to find what inspires them to play the guitar. Now that’s the story you will either connect to, or not. If you do, please go get yourself a guitar.
• The word is “gradual”: I know you badly want to transform your body to look exactly like the YouTube blogger you follow. What she/he recommends is multi-fold – a special diet, a gym routine, no sugar, no carbs (sometimes no going out with friends; just kidding). Before you dive right in, plan to space it out. May be start with once-a-week-dessert-nights and then gradually move on to stricter dietary restrictions.
• Do you see the big picture: Like they always say – “Look at the bigger picture” and I always end up asking – “Which one? You have only one in your office.” On a different note, it’s important to identify what is it that you want to achieve by picking up any of these hobbies. And the answers could be varied – I want to keep myself engaged in productive activities, I want to learn something new, I think this hobby will give me happiness (please don’t say – I think this will make for a good Instagram post).
• Lounging isn’t all bad: There are broadly three kinds of people I meet – confident people who think they are doing the best, never-entirely-confident people who would question every move they have made in their lives, and finally the very small group of “the balanced, the blessed”. I have very fascinating conversations with the first kind. However, my learning in life have come from the ones who are amazing but are constantly doubting their abilities. These are folks who have been toppers in college, high-fliers at work, really good at public speaking, but will kill themselves for lazing out on a Sunday. They always teach me humility and the importance of taking-it-easy.