"I'D RATHER BE SMARTER THAN A MARTYR."

"I'D RATHER BE SMARTER THAN A MARTYR."

Dr Stephen Karpman's triangle, is a useful model for explaining dysfunctional conflict in relationships. In use since the late 1960s, this model may be a great support for people and help them reach awareness of just what is going on in toxic interpersonal conflicts. The model highlights, with great simplicity, the alternating roles of victim, persecutor and rescuer and outlines the “games people play” and maintain the different actors trapped in toxic conflict relationships.?

Take a look at the diagram below and bear in mind that a certain rotation of roles may take place.

“The victim may become a persecutor when they ‘turn’ in frustration and criticize the rescuer for their excessive, even stifling, attentions.?

“The rescuer now becomes the victim. Or, the critical, controlling persecutor is stopped in their tracks by a reactionary victim and they in turn become the victim feeling disempowered through the imbalance in unconsciously expected power relations.”

?In a 2008 workshop, Dr. Steffen Karpman mentioned that it can be helpful to change the mindset with thoughts and phrases like these in order to positively reprogram oneself:

“The rescuer can say; “I’d rather be smarter than martyr.” The rescuer realizes the sacrifices are far too great and it’s time to get out of this role.”

“The persecutor is blaming and critical. They accuse the other of failing in some ways. To get out of this role, the persecutor must have compassion for self as well as others in the drama triangle. “

Feeling and expressing understanding and compassion usually has a powerful impact and can, in the long run, transform a conflict situation in a positive way.

?Bear in mind, relationships are work in progress! Enjoy your personal development by using the Karpman's Triangle model or any other support that works best for you.

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Literature:

Emerald, David (2016). The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic). Bainbridge Island: Polaris Publishing Group.

Emerald, David (2019). 3 Vital Questions: Transforming Workplace Drama. Bainbridge Island: Polaris Publishing Group.

Karpman, Stephen (2014). A Game Free Life. Self published.

Zimberoff, Diane (1989). Breaking Free from the Victim Trap. Nazareth: Wellness Press.

Harris, Thomas (1969). I'm OK, You're OK. New York: Galahad Books.

Berne, Eric (1966). Games People Play. New York: Ballantine Books.

West, Chris (2020). The Karpman Drama Triangle Explained. London: CWTK Publishing.