Ichi go ichi e

I was very lucky to visit Japan a couple of years ago. It was a lifelong ambition and one that I never thought would be fulfilled. But it was and it completely lived up to my expectations. I’ve worked in London many times over many years and I used to see groups of Japanese tourists taking loads of photos. I used to think why? Why not focus on what is around?  Then I went to Tokyo!  I was in Japan for 8 days and took over 1000 photos! I was spellbound by the differences. It felt alien, strange and yet somewhat familiar. Each moment on that holiday felt both weird and exciting, Japan appears ordered, structured and clean. Each moment was special, held for just a moment then it was past. Ichi go, ichi e.

This idea was taught to me in Japan when I attended a traditional tea ceremony. I've talked about this in an earlier article, ‘fancy a cuppa’ but I’ve been minded to revisit it again as we move through the lockdown. I’ve noticed both within myself and through conversations with others an nostalgia, reminiscence and perhaps sadness; even grief relating to thinking back on how things were prior to Covid-19 (for too many people that grief is real and grounded in tragic bereavement) or they are projecting ahead to potential dangers and risks that bring with them fears and anxiety. 

I’m not sure how I feel about the changes that have taken place in my life over the last few months and what my ‘new normal’ will look like. I have ‘stressed’ about things. I know that I am also lucky in other respects; my work has continued (albeit at a slower pace) and I have still been able to earn an income through delivering training online. The First Aid for Mental Health qualification is proving popular and working extremely well via Zoom. My therapy practice is also working well, gaining some new clients as well as being able to continue positive therapeutic work with my existing clients and we at Golden Tree CIC are now delivering a free weekly meditation session via Zoom and Facebook...so all is good?  I still at times feel tense, uncertain and if I’m honest a bit wobbly! Perhaps we all do, perhaps it’s right that we do?  But what has changed is that I’m not becoming consumed by those worries, tensions and wobbliness. I notice them and I feel curious about them, bringing my mindful attention to them, observing them and accepting what I’m experiencing in that moment. It’s certainly helping.  

 But another thing happened recently, I was nominated by a friend on Facebook to identify 10 albums that have influenced my musical taste and then over ten days, I was to post an image of the album on my Facebook timeline. No comments or explanation. You may have seen this on your own social media feeds, you may have done it?  I was amazed at the amount of mental energy it took to identify just 10 albums!  I have been consuming and buying music now for about 45 years, perhaps longer and I probably have over 3000 cds and vinyl albums, a few hundred singles and even a few cassette tapes. The first album I remember buying (or having bought for me) was Bugs Bunny Comes to London back in about 1973, I could have lied and said it was the Beatles or Led Zeppelin, but it wasn’t it was a Bugs Bunny album, I can’t remember any of the tracks but if you want to hear some of it, yes it is on Youtube you can listen to it here I like to think my musical taste has improved somewhat in the intervening years; I suspect some would argue that it hasn’t! 

How can I distil into 10 albums what has influenced my musical taste? I found it almost impossible, and even though I posted the 10 albums, I realised it only reflected a snapshot of my life.  In my diligent approach to try and work out which albums influenced me, I started to dig through my collection and with each album I was transported back in time to a moment or series of moments. I was transported back to how I was at the time of being consumed by the music or perhaps by the people who also enjoyed the music with me. I began to think about the people and the relationships I had with them and thought about, perhaps rather than the music influencing my taste, the people, the moment in time influenced that taste.  

In therapy, both my own personal therapy and the work that I engage with with clients, certain sounds, phrases, smells or sights can move us back through time in our minds, and I can feel and be as I was in those times. The  subconscious doesn’t seem to recognise linear time. I’ve talked about this in a previous article, ‘Like a rubberband’. I don’t want this article to be negative in any way, if anything, the memories of these moments and people are suffused with warm, nostalgic memories, there is some regret; lost contacts; times that cannot and will not return; thoughts on a life of expectations and hopes that have not been fulfilled  (but other things were and those hopes and expectations changed over time and not in bad way, just different). Each moment is precious and unique; there is only ever one time, one meeting.

Thanks for reading