ICEBERG LETTUCE AGREES TO TRUSS REMATCH

Celebrated Tesco Iceberg lettuce Crispin Green, who defeated Liz Truss in their infamous 'endurance contest' has agreed to a 'grudge rematch' with the aggrieved MP.

The leafy green gladiator has been in high level negotiations with the Truss management team and has declared…

“I’m not about to wilt this time around. I’ll be coming out of my fridge fighting!”

The head to head with the ex-PM, is now being billed as ‘Lettuce Get Ready To Rumble 2’ ...who will Romaine?

Truss penned a four thousand word essay for the Sunday papers declaring that she was caught ‘off guard’ by her salad-staple opponent first time around, but has since, spent weeks locked away in a high-altitude US training camp (discussing how to squeeze more juice from the poor into the pockets of the wealthy) and is ready to take on the ‘resolute’ leafy green once again.

She also took the time to blame the failing UK economy on everyone else but herself, and hopes that her latest title attempt against the lettuce will prove that she really does have what it takes to beat a club sandwich filler favourite.

Her team released a statement saying...

"Liz admits that she underestimated the resilience of her cool Iceberg-like opponent, but is excited at the opportunity to re-dress the salad spat"

Crispin Green the defending champion lettuce said…

“It’s ‘crunch time’ now! Truss’ low-tax, right-wing orthodoxy couldn’t lay a punch on me in our first battle. I’ve been ice-packing every day, and I’ve never felt fresher!”