Ice, Ice, Baby... Communication Matters!

There are times we all become insecure in our job and in our relationships. Communication can be challenging if not mastered. Bad communication can lead to the downfall of any relationship and it can ruin a career very quickly.

Initially a relationship can be outstanding. You are both on the same page regarding expectations, you have a plan, you had open and constant dialogue. The environment has changed and the relationship has grown distant. He/she does not seem engaged and, the consistant dialogue you once had has gone away. 

Before I continue there a few caveats that must be considered:

 1) The other person in your relationship may have personal issues that you are not aware of at the time.

2) Stress of more responsibility in the workplace, can be a factor, and can be affecting the person's daily performance.

3) Your boss may have lost interest in their job and looking for a new opportunity.

4) Impending promotion, or other distractions may be affecting the daily obligations, of your boss, or of any relationship.

That being said, let’s say, for this situation it may be an issue with "you" or something you did that has initiated the "ice" between yourself and your boss, or a significant other. In your mind your performance is the same as it has always been. However, your relationship has soured over the past few months.

You feel that your performance has not changed. Sadly your boss's expectations may have changed. Some people keep emotions bottled up and choose not to disclose the full information

There has been a lack of growth in your performance. Initially, you were selected for award trips, trainings, and special lunch programs. Now your boss takes others to lunch, and is less available. His/her calendar is packed, but your name is not on it.

You may not be volunteering your time to help your boss and make them shine, and they may notice, that you leave earlier than the rest of the team.  Flattery, compliments, and help, are all qualities that bosses like from all people on their teams. All bosses look for teamwork. If you can be their second in command, and reliable, this will help.

The list of excuses could be endless, however if your opportunities and challenges have not been communicated to you by your direct boss, you need to ask. Tell them your desire to take on new responsibilities. There is only one solution to this issue; COMMUNICATE. Set aside some time with your boss to isolate the issue or issues that have dampened the relationship. There are several items that should be addressed before you can move forward.

1) Ascertain that there is an issue to discuss. Ensure that the four factors mentioned earlier in the article are not at the heart of the situation. Document the issue, the plan, and the goal to fix the issue. Follow up, and take the barrier away.

2)  If it is a performance issue, isolate the issue and derive a solution so both parties can move forward. Document the actions, benchmarks, and timelines. Be grateful, and thankful for the time to discuss, and be positive about the outcome.

3) Discuss a new career path if expectations have changed. Do you need to spend some time working with colleagues in other departments to increase your knowledge of the industry and company? Would it be beneficial to assist your boss with new responsibilities he/she has incurred? Volunteer to assist others with their workload. This will show your boss you have not become complacent. This will also improve your damaged relationship with your boss and make you more marketable for future promotion opportunities.

4) Try to the open the communication you had in the beginning. Do not allow communication to shut down. 

Remember, communication is a two-way street and it is our responsibility to keep those lines of communication open.  You own your relationship with your boss, peers, and your significant other. If communication becomes an issue, it is very hard to get past. We may need to initiate dialogue, however this demonstrates initiative and non -complacency.  Keeping the lines of communication with our boss will relieve the insecurity in the workplace. If you need to, speak to a Human Resources Business Partner, to encourage more communication, or training in communication. Listening, and understanding are key communication skills that we all need to master with everyone in our lives.

Save your promotion, keep your job, and move ahead, by learning to communicate, and knowing what the priorities are of the other person. Just like there are certain "love languages" there are certain things each manager needs independently. Just because you assume you are filling those needs, and doing what is required every day, it may not be what your boss needs you to do at all. Every boss may be driven by different motivations. You need to be sure what the successs factors are that they are driven by to succeed. Open the door today. Melt the Ice!