I Write My Pronouns in My Email Signature… but You Don’t Have To

The first time I remember introducing myself with my pronouns was during Orientation Leader training as a first-year student in undergrad. That student leadership role would later become the reason I would pursue a career in higher education. As an Orientation Leader, my job was to help welcome over 2,400 new students as well as their families and guests over the course of a 10-week summer. Introducing my pronouns was one of the many ways that I tried to create an inclusive and affirmative space for the thousands of people with whom I would interact -- specifically trans and nonbinary folks. Today, I still name my pronouns when meeting new people and I write my pronouns in my email signature… but you don’t have to.

Personal pronouns may be used in the place of a person’s name -- (however, it is important to respect those who choose not to use pronouns or choose to be referred to in name-only). Pronouns are useful for when we don’t know/remember the name of someone we are referring to, need to maintain a level of anonymity for a third party, or simply care to use a shorthand in the place of someone’s name. The pronouns “he/him” and “she/her” are gendered. This means that the pronouns imply a specific gender that may or may not align with how the person we are referring to identifies. Shige Sakurai (they/them) offers this bit of wisdom: “Just as it can be offensive or even harassing to make up a nickname for someone and call them that nickname against their will, it can be offensive or harassing to guess at someone’s pronouns and refer to them using those pronouns if that is not how that person wants to be known." Source: mypronouns.org/what-and-why

As a cisgender man, I get to navigate this world with an undeniable privilege. Privilege is the freedom of not needing to think about how a particular identity might impact the way we exist in a space. For example, because I am a cisman, I do not “need to” consider my gender identity during staff meetings before challenging someone else’s ideas; I do not “need to” consider my gender identity while standing on the corner at midnight waiting for an Uber. Similarly, because I am cisgender, I do not “need to” consider my cis-ness when filling out legal documents, attending medical appointments, or entering multi-person single-gender restrooms. I do not need to think about these identities; however, I actively try to consider the ways they make my life easier.

My privilege allows me to avoid the conversation around personal pronouns without harm, worry, or fear of systemic or individual gender-related discrimination. Because of my privilege, I am safe. The potential risk I incur by advancing this public dialogue is insignificant compared to the suffering that many trans and nonbinary folks experience every single day living in a world that does not affirm their identity. With that being said, anyone who introduces themself and names their personal pronouns must be ready for the conversation that will emerge when someone asks “what are pronouns?” This is something I did not fully understand as an Orientation Leader. It wasn’t until my third or fourth orientation session when a student first asked me why I name my pronouns. I wasn’t prepared with a well-practiced response when he sort of laughed and said “you’re obviously a bro.” Although I am a cisgender man, I have never considered myself to be a bro. I’ll blame the word vomit that came tumbling out of my mouth after his question on my sheer shock of hearing the word “bro” used unironically. However, this is what I should have said:

“Thanks for asking. The concept of naming personal pronouns might feel new to folks but with a little practice, it can be easy and make a huge difference for the people with whom we interact. Pronouns are the words we oftentimes use to refer to someone when we’re not using their name. Common gendered pronouns include ‘she/her’ and ‘he/him.’ ‘They/them’ is a set of non-gendered pronouns that I usually use to refer to people before they’ve articulated what feels best. There are also neopronouns like ‘ze’ and ‘zir.’ It’s important to get this right even though you’re probably used to assuming someone’s pronouns based on what you assume to be their gender. But, if those assumptions are wrong, it can make a person feel bad.”

I still include my personal pronouns when introducing myself because I am ready to have this conversation. My pronouns are listed everywhere my name is written including LinkedIn, resumes and cover letters, and in my email signature. If you are a cisgender person and are not ready for this conversation, you do not have to list your pronouns… yet. But, it is your duty to get ready and shoulder the burden of educating other cisgender people about pronoun use, trans inclusion, and gender solidarity. If you are not equipped with a script of your own, use mine. If you are worried how others will perceive you, remember that it is a wrongful assertion of privilege to center your own momentary comfort over the trauma of marginalized populations. Join me as we create more courageous communal spaces.

I do this work as a cisgender man so that people who don’t have my privilege aren’t burdened with the responsibility of educating me and other cisgender folks. It is my responsibility to assert my privilege in order to make the world a more habitable place for trans folks. Thank you to the trans and nonbinary people in my life who have held me accountable to being a better ally. To learn more, check out the brilliance published by Shige Sakurai (they/them) at mypronouns.org.

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JAKE Small is an Assistant Director of Career Communities at the Suffolk University career center. He has a Master of Education from the University of Vermont where he studied Higher Education & Student Affairs Administration while working in career readiness education. His academic focus on antiracism work supplements his lived experiences as he strives towards uplifting transformative and innovative cultural practices. He operates from a place of love and liberation to decenter oppressive ways of being and increase access to professional development resources for all students. His most recent peer-reviewed publication is titled "Reimagining an Antiracist Career Center'' which he uses to problematize the cultural norms associated with higher education.