I wish you more of that …

As many people rush into stores to buy presents before Christmas, I thought of offering you another type of present - an article that relates to my experience and feelings as a human.? For this one I had to ‘rush’ into my memory, experience, and books I'd read.

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There are moments in my life when I want to make a change. Something happens outside that has deep reverberations within me. Just to give you some examples (I will start with some related to my professional life and end up with some related to my personal life):

-?????? I feel threatened when I read about how generative AI is going to generate a lot of content, and how editors/journalists might be replaced => I want to improve my writing;

-?????? I felt ashamed when I went to a conference where I started eating an antre before the event was kicked off, and someone scolded me for that => I want to learn from my mistakes;

-?????? I felt insecure after two days of meetings with people speaking in English, as I realised that on my first day I spoke poorly English => I want to practice my English public speaking;

-?????? Again the feeling of insecurity as I enter a trail running competition that I normally do – 21km/900 m elevation – and usually finish in a specific timeframe; it is only km 8 and I feel that everyone (people within the running community that I overtake) is ahead of me =>I want to train harder;

-?????? I feel that I failed as a parent as I quarrel with my daughter, who reproaches me for always missing some of her big festive moments =>I decide to make time for her loved ones;

-?????? My grandmother died and I realise life is important.

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What have these moments taught me? Most of the time, I think deeply about what happened, how it made me feel, why, and what I can do to turn that negative situation into a constructive one. For instance, when running is not optimal during competitions, I start focusing on my breath and steps, on the fact that I trained before – no need to be scared. As in the long runs the mind does a great part of the job, I try to ignore the rest of my competitors, except 1 or 2 that have a slightly better pace than I do. I start following them, and mentally talking with them, asking them not to stop, to continue, to help me push my limits.

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Ideas and help don't come easy all the time. As such, when in doubt I seek advice from more experienced people, at work and in life, I read books, or of course, I do long runs that reset me and help me see things with a fresh perspective.

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There were many books I have read/pieces of advice received. But a few stuck with me and I want to share them with you.

One of the lines that resonated with me is ‘Stand up straight with your shoulders straight’ from 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan B Peterson. 'To stand straight with raised shoulders means to accept the responsibility of life in full knowledge of the terrible cause. If you present yourself as a loser, people will assume you are a loser. If you start straightening your posture, people will look at you and treat you differently. You can object: the internal position will have some real reasons. You cannot change a real - and probably well-founded - thing with a simple change of posture. When you are on the last step, a straight posture with a domineering air will only attract the attention of those who want to put you down again. Fair enough. But the correction of the bodily position also invokes and requires a correction of the metaphysical dimension. Standing straight on two legs means accepting the burden of being. The nervous system responds quite differently when you deliberately face life's challenges because it is one thing to respond to a challenge and another to accept a catastrophe. You start to see the gold that the dragon collects, you are no longer blinded by its existence.' This advice works well for me when I have to be in front of an audience/ confront a situation that I feel stressed about. I keep telling myself that I am there for a reason – I wanted it, someone trusted in me to set me/recommended me to be there, I have trained for it, prepared for it. I just have to keep my shoulders straight.

Another teacher for how to better communicate with others and me is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. He says that when someone gives us a negative message, whether verbally or non-verbally, we have four options as to how to receive it: 1. take it personally by hearing blame and criticism (we can blame ourselves, but this might cost our self-esteem and inclines towards feelings of guilt, shame, depression); 2. fault the speaker, blame others (and we are likely to feel anger). 3. sense our feelings and needs (we become aware that our feeling of hurt drives the need for our efforts to be recognised). 4. sense other's feelings and needs (we accept responsibility for our feelings, rather than blame other people). I try to think about this advice whenever I act not necessarily in an appropriate manner – how I or the other one would expect me to, and I receive feedback about it. I stop and question myself why did I do that? I think probably it is an unmet need, hence my reaction, and then I think about what I can do to solve it.

The examples above included working on the emotional intelligence level, but sometimes more practical advice might suit. A breakthrough was for me to listen to the Huberman Lab Podcast with advice on how to improve motivation and drive. He says that the main ‘culprit’ that makes us eager to wake up, start our day, and complete all our activities is dopamine. He says that our baseline dopamine levels are influenced by many factors, including genetics, behaviours, sleep, nutrition, and the level of dopamine you experienced on previous days. It is critically important to maintain sufficient levels of baseline dopamine to sustain day-to-day motivation. We don’t want the baseline too low or too high. We can establish a healthy level of baseline dopamine by viewing early morning sunlight for 10-30 minutes daily, and by eating tyrosine-rich foods such as red meats, nuts, or hard fermented cheese. Tyrosine is an amino acid and a building block of dopamine — a diet rich in tyrosine will sustain your body’s natural dopamine production. It’s easy to find plant-based sources too. Simply do a web search for them. So, what I did – was simply walk to the office in the morning to enjoy daylight and eat more foods rich in tyrosine like – boiled eggs, beans, and fish.

Another thing I did was to ask within my network for advice from some people that I perceive as being motivated, successful, and experts in their domain. What advice I received includes – if you want to improve something in your life – like for me public speaking and writing – practice more, practice regularly, like I do with running, with preparing for competitions. If you want to write better, besides practicing, it is useful to read a lot and question what you read – ask yourself what have you understood. Discover patterns of writing and present info and take out of them what is useful/relevant to you.

When in doubt about one's career, it is good to think about a mantra like – this is what I want to do – to write meaningful pieces that bring value to my readers, that help them in their life/career, that can make a difference in the world. And if the next thing I am about to do, proofing an article about payments or creating a questionnaire for a digital identity initiative in Africa, brings value to my audience/ makes a difference for the better, then I am on the right track. I was so impressed to have some feedback in this sense from some readers.

To sum up, you know you do something that you love when you don’t care about the time, you recognise it instantly, and have the feeling that it adds up to your life satisfaction. Passion should be the bedrock of everything we do. One shouldn’t speak about work/life balance as it suggests that work somehow is detached from life. Family, friends, art, work, travel … it's all life.

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Like writing this article.

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When you do something you love you instantly recognise it. I wish you more of that.

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Happy holidays and thank you for being part of my network! I hope you enjoyed my article and that you have also some pieces of advice that you can share and help readers bring more passion, joy, satisfaction, know-how, and love into their lives.