"I Wish We Did This More Often."

"I wish we did this more often."

My sister and God-given best friend lives about 1.5 hours away and while it's not that far, with all the busyness of work, her chasing teenagers to activities, me shuttling my young boys, and trying to maintain life a warp speed, getting one on one time is hard.

We talk daily and we get together regularly for family events, but there's nothing like sitting down just the two of us in person that really fills my cup.

So last night when we had dinner after a wine tasting, we expressed the sentiment that we really needed to prioritize doing this one-on-one in-person time more often and committed to doing it quarterly.

Scheduling Time With Friends

Have you ever sent a text to a friend with a funny meme and then "Miss You"? The common response is then, "Let's get together," followed by a series of trial and error dates that don't align because of everyone's busy schedules.

So how do we prioritize this time for the people that we truly want to stay connected with amidst all of life's other commitments?

Intentional planning.

Here are a few steps you can follow to help you prioritize and actualize the friend time you've been craving.

Step 1: Make a list of who you want to spend more time with

The more I've experienced life, the more I realize the kind of experiences I like and the people I want to spend time with. You can't spend time with everyone, but you can invest time in those you truly care about.

Are there people you've lost touch with that you really wish you hadn't? Are there friends or close family members you crave connection to?

Create a list but keep it manageable. Maybe it's 1:1 time with each of your kids individually or your partner. Maybe a parent. Maybe your best friend that lives 3 states away.

Step 2: How would you most enjoy that time? What would you be doing?

My husband and I joke that we've hit curmudgeon status because we no longer like places with loud music and too many people. I'll trade a stadium concert ticket for an outdoor patio wine date any date of the week.

What do you crave? Do you like to enjoy time together as part of larger groups? Do you like 1:1 time? Do you like to connect over dinner or something more active? It's helpful to know this about yourself, so you can schedule the time together in an enjoyable way.

Step 3: Schedule the next step

We lose traction in our best intentions when there isn't a clear next step. We can stall out in the execution because we don't know where to go next. So it's important to choose just one next best step and schedule it to happen.

For example, a business owner I worked with wanted to create a monthly date night with her husband, which felt like a big deal because they have two kids under 4. So rather than focusing on creating the whole experience, we worked together to brainstorm the next step - scheduling time to brainstorm who could babysit. Then scheduling a second time to call them.

Don't make it too complicated. What's the next step you can take to make your quality time happen?

Step 4: Plan in advance

We're all juggling schedules and priorities. Rather than trying to navigate a time that works in the next week, can you look out a few weeks or months?

Step 5: Be Flexible

My sister and I were supposed to get together last weekend, but then my entire house went down with the flu. Life happens. But we found out that nothing was going on the following Sunday, so we used that instead.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the plan that we don't allow space for life to inevitably happen. The plan might not play out perfectly, but that's okay. Sometimes last minute availability opens up. Or you notice that you'd rather get 2 hours together tomorrow then none until 4 months from now.

Step 6: Make it a Routine

I have a group of 8 girlfriends that came together after college. Now we're scattered across the country. Getting everyone in one place was challenging when we looked at everyone's schedules.

Instead of trying to make it work for everyone, we initially chose a date 3 months in advance for a gathering. We shared it with everyone in the hopes we could get most of us together. Last year, four of us made it. But we decided to keep that weekend annually as our friendship gathering. This year, at least 7 if not all 8 of us will be there. And we hope to continue this tradition for years to come.

It's the expectation that this will happen, that creates the space in your schedule, maybe not immediately. But eventually you can start working around it as you work further out.

In what ways can you make getting together a routine?

• Do you schedule a date night every other Friday with your partner?
• Do you host a rotating girls night with friends the first Tuesday of the month?
• Do you host an annual friendship retreat on the same weekend every year?

Taking Action

Creating space for your most important relationships will pay you back 10 fold. I encourage you to make your list of WHO today.

Let me know what relationships you've prioritized lately and how you spent that time in the comments!