I wish I knew this in my 20's - Vol.VIII

I wish I knew this in my 20's- One must lose battles to win the war.

As a young manager the moment I was asked a question, I would run to defend it in the classic, I would like to answer this in 3 parts

1) I am flawless and I will give you example of how I am doing the best possible in the situation only limited by the system, resources, time etc.

2) No one is better than me and I can prove it by giving examples , in doing so maybe I am even putting my peers down

3) There is no better way of doing this and I have evaluated every conceivable alternative to no avail .

The victim mentality of blaming everything including peers, situation is something that is natural for most young managers. Being pitted in competitive scenario and with the bell curve hanging over head young managers often believe each battle is make or break and fight to a fault to prove themselves. However, that just reeks of inexperience and as I grew older and wiser I realized that not all battles need to be won, you just need to win the war.

1) The Big Picture- I was in charge of a campaign and there were 5 pit stops to the final launch, at each pit stop there would be 10 stakeholders giving their opinions and to begin with I would fight aggressively at each pit stop. Then I started observing my peer who would maintain a calm countenance, agree with all stakeholders, it looked as if she is in agreement with what everyone was saying but would come back in the next meeting keeping her own view intact. She would calmly reflect, " We considered your opinions and while we have incorporated some ,others didn't work out when we looked at the facts". It was that simple, there was no need to seem like a bull in china shop in all 5 pit stops, doggedness can be perceived as "non -receptiveness" and "close-mindedness" to feedback. This doesn't mean one has to do what everyone is saying, just that you don't have have to win every battle as long as you have the big picture in mind.

2) Weakness- "What are some of your weakness?", an archaic question but we all have readymade answers which mask weakness as strength for interviews. Ever stopped to consider-Its ok to have a weakness? Not every weakness needs to be defended - the expectation is to be aware of your weakness and work on it. During Appraisal when your manager says - I think this is something you can improve upon- is not the time to have a come back, "I don't agree..." .

Lose the battle, concede. Yes I agree this is an area I am working on. Win the war of - can take constructive criticism and work on self improvement

3) Team Meeting- Your manager says something that you know is erroneous and you can take them down then and there- Should You? Of course one must make their views known in crucial conversations but what if it was a snide comment coming from incorrect bias ? Evaluate if proving this point here is more important or can this be done better in privacy? Evaluate if you have all data points now or can you come back with better research? Evaluate if you wanna just let this one go...

Every once in a while LOSE the battle that's not important and will not determine any outcome. This will ensure when you speak ,people will sit back and listen cos you don't ever speak without good reason, belief and facts so when the time comes- WIN THE WAR.

Ever so many times there would be situations that demand this application- Had a verbal duel with someone and now a cold war is brewing, who will break the ice? Someone else has fumbled in their job, wait for them to fall publicly or go help them. Criticism in the form of garbed jokes, react or not? As long as respect and integrity isn't in question, one can afford to lose some battles in greater interest of winning the war.

She has executive maturity , she is inclusive in decision making, she is amiable to work with, she can handle large teams, she is collaborative - WINNING THE WAR of career growth is paved by many of these micro interactions that happen everyday. I have lost many a battles in personal and professional life when I knew that there is greater good in it- for its the foot soldier who fights every battle like its the last, the commander decides if this battle even merits to be fought.