I went through three stages..

Lot of people who get to know me, invariably asks me that how I came to this point. They want to know my story because they might relate to mine.

And most certainly they do. Hence I am writing the following stages, I went through in land of women in the hope that you as a reader will relate in some form or shape.

Stage 1 (No man’s land)

This is in my early teens, till early 20’s. I was smitten by girls. But didn’t know the possibilities that exist with girls. I was shy to talk to girls, didn’t have much experience with female interaction as I was partially in co-ed school. Plus having a speech defect didn’t help much. But there was always a lingering curiosity about girls and a longing to experience them. The idea of cold approaching girls didn’t even exist at the time to me. Being in a great college, with healthy ratio of girls around me, I still was quiet and reserve, observing petticoats from far, reducing myself to mere an audience. Yes, I did manage to get a girlfriend, but she too disappear sensing my inept ways with girls. However, it was my gym that helped me to get some female interaction going, when I was nearing end of my college. And a year later after my college ended, I pressed an initiation button into gaining a practical knowledge about how to conquer women hearts and minds. That’s when (into my early 20’s), I stumbled upon David Deangelo, of famed Double your Dating.

Stage 2 (Pick up artist)

I followed David Deangelo for couple of years, into my mid 20’s. I became a huge fan of his concept ‘cocky & funny’ and applied with most girls I came in contact with (especially in my gym). Yeah I must say there was some merit to it, however in hindsight it cost me more than it rewarded. I lost girls who were slightly into me as I pushed my childish cockiness onto them. But I was so caught up with this new found concept, I strongly embedded, the cocky & funny attitude. Time went by, with few girls giving more attention to me compare to before, primarily because of cocky attitude of mine. However, it didn’t measure in good terms. Then it was through David Deangelo seminar, I stumbled into world of pick up artists. The book “game” was talk of the town then. I read mystery, Neil Strauss and what not to enhance my game. But I still limited myself to gym or any other opportunity if presented to try out “game”. It was only later, influenced by Sasha and London daygame, I stepped onto to random environments like streets to approach women. And I did lots of them. It gave a new high mentally. Initially it seemed like I was on a drug. Approaching girls randomly, which hardly any men could do it, was an ego booster. However, my outcomes was limited to different reactions of girls. But honestly nothing really panned out.

This “pick up artist” stage was all about “me”. I didn’t even bother to consider, how women felt, upon being approached by a random guy on streets. As long as, I could approach, I was good in my head.

But at some point my self absorbing thought process, changed. I can’t recollect how and when, but dating gurus like Johnny Soporno and Zan Perrion, played a role in influencing my “me” thoughts to “her”. And that’s when, I contemplated on women’s side of the things. And as I realised, safety is what drives women demeanour when out, I changed my approached to meeting women.

And this led me to stage 3.

Stage 3 (Social Intelligence)

First thing, I changed in this stage, were the environments, venues I would meet girls. Instead of streets, malls, I started to go to cafes, primarily Starbucks.

Initially, I just focused on interacting with girls there. And I noticed a visible difference in my outcomes. I was in company of girls far longer. The conversations had depth. Girls were lot more responsive. Even though the volume of approaches dipped significantly, the qualitative aspect increased greatly.

As time went along, sitting in Starbucks, interacting with Girls, I learnt a great deal about women. Just by reflecting on my exchanges with girls.

And this reflection developed my social intelligence.

Social Intelligence, means, knowing who to approach, when to open, context of opener, where to position myself, timing, etc. In essence, I developed a good sense of way, women looked at the world. And my approached to meeting women, included women’s side of things. In fact, it was about “her” now than about me. I would avoid approaching girls, if the context was not appropriate.

It is at this stage, my outcomes with women, changed for good in significant proportions.

And as a dating coach, this stage forms foundation of my coaching.

For most guys, if they reach stage 3, they are good.

However, as I contemplated, reflected and practised at stage 3, unintentionally I discovered there is stage 4.

I can even name it, as it is so abstract.

Stage 4 is about “me” and “her” parallel.

For example; it is said that women wants to be feel desired.

But a man cannot do anything to make a woman feel desire, it is through him, she feels desire.

Which is to say, when a man finds a woman desirable in a way, that when he looks at her, his mind is suspended at the moment, the surroundings ceases to exist around him, that moment the woman feels seen and desirable.

However it is through him, that she feels seen and desirable. At this Stage, openers are not necessarily needed.

Hence, I said that stage 4 about “me” and “her parallely. My body has developed it’s own voice with regard to women. Which is felt by women (Not all), few women.

Now, for me, is about fulfilling my most truthful expression with regard to women.

In essence, my look, what I say and my touch means the same thing.

Originally Published at : My Journey