I Wasn't Born a Gang Member or a Criminal
My 2017 graduation from an entrepreneurship program while incarcerated at Pelican Bay State Prison

I Wasn't Born a Gang Member or a Criminal

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By John Jackson

By doing this exercise, I’ve learned that my consequence trail is filled with choices that show how desperately I've sought acceptance and belonging all of my life. I didn’t have the tools then, but I can see it looking back: my pattern of seeking acceptance started right after my mother’s death. The photo below is of me and my mom, Genevieve, and the only photo I have of her and me together.

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Taking a drug charge for my aunt was one way I sought her acceptance. In prison, I wanted to be accepted and seen by the homies, so I committed acts of violence and engaged in criminal activity.

This exercise was sobering. I’ve prided myself on being independent. Realizing that I’ve been on a lifelong quest for acceptance is a hard pill to swallow.

I also realized that rejection is one of my main triggers. When rejected, I become more aware of my need for acceptance (and lack of it). Rejection and the lack of acceptance have caused me to rebel; my pride and stubbornness kick in. I shut out the people I love in an attempt to prevent more pain from rejection.

Realizing that I’ve been on a lifelong quest for acceptance is a hard pill to swallow.

I can’t avoid rejection, but I can learn to cope more maturely with it. I can start by analyzing my thoughts, and then my feelings when I first encounter rejection. I can improve my positive self-talk to remind myself I am enough and that when someone rejects me, it is not a reflection of who I am.

I can also realize that my need for acceptance has led me to unhealthy behaviors in the past. The more I accept myself for the awesome Honey Badger I am, the less I will rely on external acceptance. The more I allow myself to receive love, compliments, and goodness from others, the more I realize how acceptable I am. Realizing that I’ve been on a lifelong quest for acceptance is a hard pill to swallow.


Sergio Garnica

Materials Manager/Operations at NPL Construction Co.

2 年

Amen you keep pushing your positivity.

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