I Want You To Like Me....

I Want You to Like Me....

Kids with ADHD struggle every day. I remember having days that I just seemed in trouble everywhere I went. I didn't put my name on my paper, I kept talking during class, I lost my sweater..... just one thing after another. Sometimes it can seem like we can't do anything right. I spent almost all of 5th grade with my desk facing the wall in the back of the room. It certainly was easier to make jokes about it and act like that is just what I wanted, but really what I wanted was for people to like me. I think that is why I always ask kids which classes they like and then which teachers they like. Usually those two things go together. Kids enjoy classes where they feel that their teacher likes them, even when it is a subject they don't normally like.

I'm going to say that kids misbehaving in class may seem like they don't really care. They may make "liking them" difficult for a teacher. The secret is that they almost ALWAYS care, but when their impulsive behavior pops up randomly and feels out of their control, it starts becoming easier to pretend they don't. When teachers bring these kids into the conversation of "what do you need" during these times, it goes a long way. My sister is a 5th grade teacher and is always coming up with creative solutions for ALL of her students. One idea she shared with me was having index cards filled out by the students with Plan B, C, and D for those times that Plan A isn't working out. They could have things like get water, go use the bathroom, walk to the office and back, sit at the table near her desk, or change seats. These are presented to kids when their impulsive side gets the best of them. How wonderful to feel supported and heard when becoming a distraction in class. Punishing kids by having them sit in the hall or go to the office isn't growing white matter for these kids, but having them a part of the solution process is teaching them how to regulate! Sending kids out can actually be giving negative reinforcement of the behavior by allowing for task avoidance or attention. Without the linear thinking piece, these kids don't think ahead at having to finish things later. Remember, we are "now and not now" people.

When children and teens have teachers that have clear expectations and firm rules, but still show compassion and love for the kids, they thrive. Sometimes it's those little things, like compliments on something done well, even after mistakes were made earlier. Sometimes it is the bigger things like being chosen to run down to the office or help pass out papers. These kids with ADHD pick up on positive feedback and absolutely perform better for teachers they think like them.

Remember that ADHD is not a behavioral disability: ADHD is a neurological disability. We actually struggle to learn from our mistakes so using positive reinforcement for what we do well can really go a long way. Build those relationships and see what happens!